‘AITA for acting angrily after my wife hurt me by lying about our baby’s gender?’

A 32-year-old man has shared his story on Reddit to know if his actions toward his wife and her adopted mother were right or wrong.

The Original Poster (OP), under the username Leading_Gene4976, wrote on Reddit’s 'Am I The A**hole' (AITA) forum, “I and my wife (25F) are expecting our first child. I've reacted in ways I'm now questioning and need outside perspective.”

A difficult childhood and the excitement of having a baby boy

The man described his "tumultuous" childhood. "Growing up, I always craved a strong male figure in my life. I never had that bond with my father and always envisioned having it with a son," he wrote.

“My wife was aware of this deep-rooted desire,” the man said as he revealed that when his wife was pregnant, he could not accompany her for her first appointment with the doctor as he was on “an essential business trip”.

“These trips, though draining, are critical since I'm the only breadwinner, trying to ensure a different life for my child than I had,” he mentioned.

The OP explained in his post that when he was not around, his wife used to go for the appointments with her adopted mother.

He stated, “Upon my return, she excitedly told me we were having a boy. We invested emotionally and financially: a blue nursery, boy-themed items, even naming him after my late grandfather.”

Man loses it after discovering he and his wife are expecting a baby girl

However, the wife had lied to him about the baby's gender. Naturally, the man was shocked when he eventually got to know the truth through "a chance remark" by his wife’s mother 

“My wife admitted she knew from the beginning but didn't tell me, thinking she was protecting my feelings," the OP wrote.

"I was devastated, feeling the weight of past hurts and fresh betrayals," he added.

“In my pain, I cleared out the nursery and, in a moment I regret, told her mother she wasn't welcome at upcoming family events, seeing her as part of the deceit,” the man said.

Concluding his post, he wondered if he perhaps overreacted to the whole situation.

“I acted out of deep-seated emotions and past traumas. I love my wife and regret my reactions, but I feel lost. AITA for how I responded?” he asked.

Internet agrees OP's reaction was 'so wildly inappropriate'

Redditors were quick to share their thoughts on the situation, with most of them opining that the man's actions were harsh and not at all justified.

One user said, “Why would you pack up the nursery? You're still having a baby. That baby will still need all the things in that nursery. Maybe this is a good chance for you to reconsider your attitudes to sex and gender - because, spoiler alert, the baby doesn't care what colour their clothes and blankets are.”

Another Reddit user commented, “Children aren’t emotional support animals. I’m guessing your wife lied because she was scared of your reaction and also wanted to save HER feelings because she knew you’d become a huge bummer once you found out. You need therapy immediately to deal with your issue. ANY healthy baby that is delivered earth-side is a miracle- no matter the gender. My husband and I have tried for the past 7 years to get pregnant and I’ve had 5 miscarriages. Remember just how lucky you are that your wife is pregnant and (assumably) carrying a healthy child. YTA.”

Another shared, "YTA our children do not exist to fix us. Your happiness is not your child's purpose. You are already a bad father."

“YTA - your wife shouldn't have lied, but your reaction was so wildly inappropriate and completely proves her fear right. You packed up the nursery and basically screamed to the world that a girl child is valueless, not worth preparing for or being excited about. I feel bad for your wife, and worse for your daughter,” a comment read.

A user wrote, “YTA. The presence of that child will not paper over the gaping wounds of your childhood. please go to therapy so you don’t inflict your childhood trauma on your child(ren).”

“Oh look another man hurt by a man and taking it out on women,” an individual added.

This article contains remarks made on the Internet by individual people and organizations. MEAWW cannot confirm them independently and does not support claims or opinions being made online.