‘AITA for being mad at my husband for saying he would pick his dead first wife over me?’

Some moments have the power to shake the foundation of even the strongest relationships, leaving you questioning the reality you thought you were living.

For one woman, a seemingly ordinary evening at a friend’s potluck turned into a night that left her heart in pieces as she took to the Reddit's 'Am I the A**hole' forum to ask, "AITAH for being mad at my husband for saying he would pick his deceased wife over me?"

The ghost of a past relationship

The Original Poster (OP), a 34-year-old wife and mother, shared her story, starting with her husband's history: "My husband (37M) was married once before me. She was his high school sweetheart."

They started dating in their junior year, survived long distance during college, and got married when they were both 23, very shortly after graduating college. She died unexpectedly at age 26 from an aneurism and it obviously devastated her husband, especially because they were extremely young. "They never had children," she added.

Her husband’s loss was so great that it made him question whether he could ever love again. “He contemplated remarrying because he was so heartbroken, but we ended up meeting about four years after that. We got married when I was 31 and he was 34 and have two children,” the OP revealed.

Wife stunned by husband's shocking comment

Their life together seemed fulfilling until a seemingly innocuous potluck conversation took an unexpected turn.

“Last night, we were at a friend potluck gathering. Everything was going well until one of our friends brought up a new topic that had to do with relationships. She is newly divorced, so it was about her divorce. Others were chiming in with past relationships from high school, college, etc. I had said I never thought I would get married because my luck with men has always been terrible until I met my husband, and I said I felt very lucky to have met him," the OP shared.

But just as she was basking in her love for him, her husband dropped a comment that left her reeling.

“After a little while longer, my husband brings up his deceased wife. Everyone knows he was married before me and that she passed. He was talking about her and then drops a bomb and goes, ‘If she walked through that front door right now, I’d pick up where we left off'," the OP said.

OP and her husband's love put to the test

Understandably, the OP was devastated. “If I am being honest, it felt like someone put my heart into a blender and punched me in the gut as hard as they could. Everyone in the room could sense the awkwardness that followed. To avoid making a scene, I just laughed it off even though I think it was still obvious that it hurt me," she described.

Her internal struggle was palpable. “I just felt that if you still felt that way, then why are we married? I’ve never asked him to get over his wife. I have never had a deceased spouse or even a deceased partner, so I am unsure how that feels. But I would never SAY that in front of my new spouse," the OP wrote.

The pain lingered long after the gathering. The OP did not speak to her husband throughout the car ride home and just barely at night.

"I did tell him that what he said hurt my feelings deeply and that we could talk in the morning once I’ve calmed down because I didn’t want to say something mean to him. I ended up sleeping on the couch because he would not leave me alone," the OP wrote.

With little rest and heavy emotions, she faced the morning with uncertainty. “It’s now the next morning, and I barely slept. He is still sleeping. I’m not really sure what to say or what he will say," the woman said.

Internet sides with OP after her husband's 'incredibly cruel' comment

The post quickly garnered reactions from Redditors who shared a mix of empathy, advice, and debate about the complexities of love, grief, and remarriage.

One Reddit user said, "Oof. That would gut anyone. He should have kept that thought unspoken forever."

Another added, "Just reading this felt like a gut punch. Poor OP, and in front of people too."

Someone else noted, "As a widow, I agree. You cannot forget that love, and it’s okay to talk about them as part of your life, but you don’t harp on about how no other love could compare. What he said is inexcusably cruel. A better choice of phrasing would be, “I’m lucky to have had her, and I feel luckier still to have (current wife). I’ve been blessed to have someone who stands by me, graciously understands and supports me, and has given me a safe place to find new love.”

A person remarked, "NTA- that’s a very hurtful thing to hear from your partner, hearing it while with a group on your friends would be understandably brutal.

Very disrespectful to you."

One comment read, "NTA... he says that RIGHT AFTER you said you had bad luck with men and were lucky to have found him. What the ever loving frick frack? Does he just not care about your feelings? That's such an incredibly cruel and heartless thing to say, grief or no grief. I get that he lost his wife, but good lord."

A user remarked, "Right!? "I'm so lucky I found him". And he's just gotta open his dumba** mouth all "well...not that lucky" what an a**hole."

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