'AITA for breaking up with my single mom girlfriend because of her clingy behavior and parenting style?'
A 41-year-old man turned to Reddit for advice after breaking up with his girlfriend of nine months, citing her "clingy" behavior. In his post, he shared his experience dating Sarah, also 41, and asked, "AITA for breaking up with my single mom girlfriend because of how she spoils her kids and because she acted clingy?"
The man, a father of three (F6, M12, F13), revealed that Sarah, a single mother of four (F16, M15, M5, M8), was his girlfriend for nine months in 2024. As the year came to a close, he decided to end the relationship after realizing their differing parenting styles and priorities.
Redditor breaks up with girlfriend of nine months
Taking to the AITA subsection of Reddit, the OP (original poster) posed the question, and continued, “I'm a Dad myself so I fully understand the importance of finding not just a gf but a potential stepmother and being a potential stepfather.”
He further added that Sarah “has a job, and I have a good job and I'm generally financially stable.”
He continued that as he went on dates with Sarah, she “occasionally brought her kids along.” He further gave an insight into their relationship, saying that during any conversation which she disagrees with, “she interrupts a lot,” before noting, “I had to ask her to stop raising her voice at me.”
He further shared that while he is also a father of three, his “kids have been taught to be discreet and not to demand stuff when we go out, especially if someone else is paying,” while noting Sarah’s “children are gluttons.”
“I treated everyone at the movies and her children just kept adding stuff. It didn't bother me at first because the movies are the one place where I allow my kids to eat whatever they want and always made sure they are warm enough,” explained the man, before adding, “She never offered to pay for part of it nor did she ask her kids to stop asking for stuff.”
Moreover, he also shed light on the woman’s lack of practical consideration when he noted that she “insisted on wearing a sleeveless dress and left her jacket in her car,” during a movie date, despite the OP’s warning about chilly theaters.
“I had to give her my jacket because she immediately asked for it when we sat down and her children were cold and uncomfortable the whole movie,” shared the author, and noted, “After the third or fourth incident, I refused to hand her my jacket but did bring some of my kids' own hoodies for her kids to wear, 2 of which she didn't return and her older kids started wearing like they owned it until I had to ask for it back.”
He noted that since they were mostly having family outings, they posed a “logistics challenge and a bit expensive.” Thus, he suggested to have home dates where he cooked and baked. However, that changed the dynamics of his relationship with Sarah, as she “started bringing her kids along without a warning.”
“This forced a change of plans,” noted the man, and added, “She does have a trusted babysitter, but she insisted that we needed to make memories. I started getting pissed, because she didn't show the same interest in my children and I brought it up.”
He also added that her children’s involvement in their dates “became uncomfortably unpredictable because she would say something and do another," and would decide "to include her kids on her own."
Author reveals incident that made him decide to break up
The author shared that last Christmas he “organized gift openings for everyone” but when her “daughter kept digging in the gift bag and made a comment” after realizing there was nothing else for her, the OP realized he and his girlfriend were not compatible.
Referencing the daughter, OP noted, “She obviously expected/is used to getting more gifts but that right there helped me make the decision that we are not right for each other.”
“I talked to Sarah about it, but she said kids are being kids. Again, I brought up that her changing of plans at the very last minute stressed me out and that I would be okay just hanging out at home. She seems to understand and we moved on,” added the author.
However, in a separate incident, he shared that when they went for “tacos at her insistence,” her “kids were ordering the expensive stuff.”
“I immediately asked for a single combination dish for each since single dish steaks and ribs are huge where we went. Sarah said I was being controlling and told the waitress to get each kid what they wanted,” continued the OP, before adding that her children “didn't even get through half their plates after she lectured me and said “she doesn't mess” with her kid's food nor allows anyone to do it.”
He added that while he did not spend NYE with her because of his plans with his own children, Sarah “got mad” at him. “First she called at around 10PM, we talked and I went back to my kids. Then she called again, trying to self invite. I explained, by the millionth time, that this is my special tradition with my kids,” shared the OP.
The author added that she complained, “her kids were bored but I took away the opportunity of having a great family night.”
“I avoided further conversation because I knew it would end in an argument if I brought up boundaries. We talked at midnight and saw each other the next day. I don't know if she has a different concept of relationships or if she's naturally clingy, but she started objecting/criticizing me for having time alone,” noted the OP and explained, “It's not like I didn't make an effort to spend time together, but I have a very demanding job and I occasionally appreciate moments of solitude to recharge.”
However, a few days ago, the OP let her know that to de-stress, he “wanted to spend the day doing nothing.” “She still showed up unannounced and I didn't allow her past my doorway ( I know it was rude). First, she playfully accused me of having someone at my place, then she also ( playfully) tried to get past me."
He added, “I had to ask her to leave, and then she got very serious and said she demanded full transparency or we were done. She went from playful to a bit angry then she started getting emotional. I promised I was alone but if I let her in, I would end things because she didn't respect my boundaries."
As she found nothing, the OP wrote, that she “tried to get affectionate," but the OP declared, “I said we were done."
He concluded the post by saying that though he broke up, he felt guilty because of the entire situation.
“I feel guilty knowing that she thinks I'm doing it because she's a single mom. We have exchanged some messages but I blocked her because she wants me to take all the blame. Maybe I should have been more patient, but her parenting and attachment style did affect our relationship,” noted the OP, before asking, “AITA?”
Redditors declare OP is NTA and sided with him for breaking up
The netizens declared the OP is NTA after considering his situation. Some of them even termed the woman as "entitled."
One of the netizens declared the OP to be "NTA" on Reddit, before adding, "Yeah she’s the actual worst. Glad you ran OP."
"At that point I would have directed the server to split the check. She’s greedy & entitled and passing those traits on to her kids. NTA. Happy OP got out," celebrated someone else.
Another user penned, "It seems like a lot of unnecessary drama. If she’s not willing to step up and take responsibility, then OP made the right call by stepping away. OP can only do so much for someone who isn’t ready to be an adult and parent. OP did what’s best for himself."
"She sounds horrible. Teaching her kids to use people and manipulate. Good on you for calling her out. Pay close attention when dating and never get kids involved until you are sure they are someone you can respect," said someone else.
Another user noted, "All the reason you need to end a relationship is this: "I don't want to be in this relationship anymore". Anything else is just extra. NTA."
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