'AITA for choosing rest over spending time with my husband’s friends during the holidays?'

Ah, the holidays—a time for joy, laughter, and unexpected marriage ultimatums.

This was the reality for one woman, who sparked a debate on Reddit’s "Am I The A*****e" forum. Her offense? Prioritizing her mental and physical health over her husband’s plans to socialize with friends.

A tired mom and furious husband

The OP (original poster) took to Reddit with a post titled, "AITA? My husband is saying he wants a 'break' if I choose to stay home and rest instead of spending time with his friends who are in town for the Holidays."

“To start, I’m exhausted, so please excuse my poor grammar etc,” the 33-year-old hospital worker began. "I told my husband that I really need a break this morning and would like to stay home while he takes our two kids to see his friends who are in town for Christmas. He brought these plans up to me a few days ago but we never discussed the time."

She explained how she had slogged through three grueling 12-hour shifts, including being on call and dealing with a toxic coworker.

"I work in a hospital and worked the past 3 days 12 hour shifts, took call, and worked alone with an extremely confrontational and emotionally draining coworker. I'm just depleted and thought it would be a good opportunity to refill my empty tank," she wrote.

OP suggested he take their two kids to see his friends solo, but that’s when the fireworks started.

“He got furious and said he would never do that to me, he would just ‘step up to the plate and go,’” she recalled. "He said things like 'if you want to be that kind of flaky mom go ahead' and eventually gave me an ultimatum saying if I don't go then he wants to take a break from our marriage."

“Idk, should I have went?” OP asked Reddit. “I’m so tired and now I feel guilty for resting.”

Reddit users weighs in

As expected, Redditors didn’t hold back and overwhelmingly sided with OP.

“OMG, he’s being such a jerk,” one commenter ranted. “Threatening a break just ‘cause you need rest? Major red flag. You work in a HOSPITAL, you NEED rest! He should be stepping up, not holding your marriage hostage over a party. You’re totally NTA for needing a break. Stand your ground!”

Another user cut straight to the point: “Call it what it really is. Your husband wants to go out and have fun with his friends without having to actually parent your kids. He wants you to do the work. Let him take his break, but tell him he has to take the kids on his break so you can rest. NTA.”

Someone else who also works in healthcare empathized with OP, noting how demanding the job can be. “That triggered me so hard, as a mom who also works in healthcare. He sounds really unsympathetic to how exhausting and draining it can be to be ‘on’ at work, then have to come home and do it all for the kids. You need and deserve a break," they wrote.

The same commenter also slammed the husband’s motives: “It sounds like he just wanted to hang with his friends carefree while you watch the kids—not how being a dad works. And him going straight to that type of threat shows a lot of immaturity. In my opinion, it’s emotionally abusive and manipulative. He is gaslighting you. Don’t feel guilty AT ALL.”

Another speculated there’s more to the husband’s dramatic reaction: “Asking for a break from the marriage makes me think he has either already stepped out or was looking for any flimsy excuse to do so. The fact that he is dismissive of OP’s physical and mental health after working multiple shifts is telling as well. I would not have gone nor felt guilty. I’d also be taking a hard look at whether it is healthy for myself and kids to be around such a selfish father/husband.”

Yet another chimed in saying, “NTA in the least! Sounds like hubby needs to walk 36 hours in your shoes with your job. I completely understand your need for a break and some peace and quiet alone. Sounds like he has very little respect or love for you as a human being.”

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