‘AITA for coming home later than expected on wife’s birthday which fell on a working day?’

Birthdays are a special occasion, but when they fall on a working day, the celebration plans can get complicated

A man recently shared his story on Reddit's 'Am I the A**hole' forum, recounting a birthday celebration that didn’t quite go as planned. Here’s how it all unfolded, in his own words.

Husband prioritizes coffee meet-up with friend over wife's birthday 

In a post titled, "AITA for coming home later than expected on my wife's birthday?" the man revealed that his wife's birthday fell on a working day.

"She works evenings and neither of us were able to take annual leave. So we decided we would celebrate her birthday on the weekend instead," he wrote.

With the weekend set aside for festivities, the couple looked forward to making up for the less-than-ideal timing of the actual day.

He described their Saturday celebration with a touch of satisfaction. “We went for a walk on Saturday morning (about an hour, a little shorter than she had hoped due to the conditions) then she went for coffee with her friend in the afternoon. In the evening we got take-out from her favourite place," the OP said.

It was clear he had put thought into making the day enjoyable for her, even if it wasn’t extravagant.

On her actual birthday, he started the day on the right foot. “In the morning of her actual birthday, prior to work, I gave her the gifts she had requested," he said.

But a casual coffee plan with a friend added an unexpected layer of tension.

“The week prior a friend who is in the country for a couple of months texted me about meeting up for a coffee and asked if the day of my wife's birthday suited. Knowing we were planning to celebrate on the weekend, I said it was fine. We didn't agree a time. On the morning of my wife's birthday my friend asked if 3pm would suit - I said it was fine (I have flexible working hours)," he said.

The OP continued, acknowledging his wife’s initial reservations: “She complained a little and we joked about how it was to be such a neglected spouse. Initially she said she would walk with me to meet him but in the end when I was leaving just before 3pm she said she had work to finish and would meet me for a walk on the way back.”

Husband's late return leaves wife fuming

As it often happens, things did not go as planned for the couple.

“She asked when I thought I'd be back and I guessed I'd leave around 4pm - expecting to meet my friend for around an hour. In the end, I didn't leave until 4:45. I knew time was marching on but I didn't feel like 45 minutes was a big deal and I didn't want to be rude to my friend," the OP explained.

When he returned home at 5 pm, the atmosphere was far from celebratory. “When I got home at about 5pm my wife was just plating dinner and had a meltdown about how late it was. She would have to leave for her work in 45 minutes. I guess she had intended to meet me based on my initial (estimate) of when I would leave and still have time to make dinner," he added.

His wife’s frustration stemmed from his decision to prioritize the coffee meeting. “She asked why I hadn't agreed to meet my friend in the evening while she was out to work. Honestly I was just trying to be accommodating to my friend so I just accepted his suggestion," he said.

The husband admitted he didn’t fully grasp the extent of her disappointment. “I took it on the nose and just apologised to her for being later than I had thought and offered to walk her to work instead. Still don't really think it as big a deal as she made out given we had agreed to treat Saturday as her birthday and I am pretty rarely out and certainly don't make a habit of being late. AITA?" the man concluded.

Redditors call out OP for being 'rude' to his wife

While the OP's intentions might have been genuine, the Reddit community had plenty to say about his approach. Some empathized with the juggling act of balancing commitments, while others argued that the effort to make someone feel special on their birthday — even a “proxy birthday” — matters more than intentions.

One Reddit user said, "YTA. I'm so glad your friend deserves more consideration than your own wife on her birthday. She must feel hella important. Why couldn't you have texted her earlier, explaining that you might be later? Don't mind being rude to your wife, huh?"

Another added, "YTA. I count 3 times you mentioned how you didn't want to disappoint your friend. Meanwhile, its literally your wife's birthday. I get that your mind moved that to Saturday, but the day was still her birthday. You made her make/plate dinner alone on her birthday. Just not seeing forest for trees on your part."

Someone else noted, "YTA. You were rude to your wife by staying almost twice as long as expected when you already knew she was unhappy about it. You could have met your friend while she was working, or suggested a different day. You put your friend over your wife. Is this a usual thing?"

A user remarked, "YTA. It was your wife’s birthday. You could have gone for coffee with your friend the day after or the day before. You know when your wife’s birthday is. She should have taken priority."

One user declared, "YTA. Let's be real, celebrating your wife's birthday on a different day was a consolation prize; it doesn't mean you get to treat her like an afterthought on her actual birthday. She is correct, you should have offered to meet your friend while she was working or on a different day so you could have spent what little time you were both available on your wife's birthday with her. Do better."

Another observed, "Yta - do you even like your wife? Because prioritizing a friend on HER birthday is not how you show her that. It's not hard to make your partner feel special... you literally did nothing to show her love, appreciation or make her feel special. This reminds me of people when people are "shocked about the divorce and didn't see it coming" .... this..... this is not how you treat the woman you love. Do better or don't be surprised if the marriage fails."

As one person explained, "YTA. Kind of the one day (besides maybe anniversaries and valentines day) where she should be the top priority, so I understand why she was upset."

"YTA It sounds like you care more about your friend than your wife. At least you had plans to celebrate on the weekend, but the way you did it all made your wife feel like she isn’t your priority," another comment read.

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