'AITA for confronting my best friend about her behavior with my husband which led to her breakup?'

Boundaries in any relationship must be respected, and when crossed with ill intentions, it can lead to chaos.

 A 27-year-old woman is questioning whether she was wrong for confronting her long-time friend Kira about her behavior towards her husband, Rowan, 28.

Woman describes her long-time friend's uncomfortable behavior with her husband

A Reddit post shared on January 6th, titled "AITA for telling my best friend if she wasn't always trying to get with my husband, her boyfriend wouldn't have left her?", began with the original poster (OP) introducing her long-time friend and a mutual acquaintance. "I (27f) have been best friends with "Kira" (27f) since we were little. We were neighbors, went to the same school, college, etc. She was my MoH when I married "Rowan" (28m), who we went to college with."

OP explained that initially, Kira had a crush on Rowan, but he started developing feelings for her instead. "At first, Kira had a big crush on him, but he started liking me. We slowly got closer and I started liking him too (this was after Kira had told me she'd gotten over it and was dating another guy). But I still felt really guilty and didn't want to date him if it would hurt Kira. I asked her multiple times if she was okay with it and she said she was, so I thought it was fine."

OP then introduced Kira's current boyfriend, "Kira's been with her latest boyfriend, "Adam" (27m), for a year or so." 

Trouble began when OP noticed Kira’s odd behavior around Rowan. "However, over the last few months, she's been acting strange around Rowan. Whenever we'd be hanging out with the three of us, or even with Adam there, she'd always find some way to sit next to Rowan, laugh at everything he said, etc. I didn't think anything of it initially because I knew that's kind of her personality, and her and Rowan are friends." 

Things escalated when OP noticed Kira’s requests to know if Rowan would be present before visiting. "But then she started always asking me if Rowan was there before she came over and if I said no, she'd often suddenly say she couldn't come, though sometimes she would say that even if I said he was here."

OP further explained an unsettling comment Kira made to Rowan. "Rowan also told me about a comment she made to him once about how he was so patient for putting up with me being "too tired to do anything with him."

OP was exhausted by Kira's odd behavior toward Rowan

The OP's pregnancy left her feeling exhausted, and she explained, "The odd behavior continued but tbh the pregnancy had been keeping me too exhausted to give it a lot more thought, and Rowan seemed as friendly with Kira as always. But two days ago, our mutual friend "Shay" threw a dinner party. Me and Rowan went, as did Kira and Adam. Kira got a bit tipsy, and she kept trying to sit with Rowan and touch him." 

The 27-year-old noticed Rowan's genuine behavior, saying, "He excused himself a few times but she kept finding him. I tried to get her off a few times, and I was getting mad because this was a new line she was crossing. She was slurring about how I 'stole Rowan from her'. Thankfully Adam was too busy talking to Shay's husband to hear this, but he definitely saw Kira's actions."

The following day, Kira informed everyone that Adam had broken up with her, "The next afternoon, I was at Shay's again with some friends when Kira showed up. She was crying about how Adam had broken up with her that day, saying he didn't think they were going to work out. Everyone was consoling her, but I was just kind of sitting there. I couldn't help but feel like she brought this upon herself." 

The tension between Kira and OP escalated when Kira asked, "Aren’t you going to say something?" OP responded, "Maybe Adam wouldn't have left you if you weren't trying to get with Rowan all the time." 

The OP shared how friends reacted to her accusation, "Some of our other friends were shocked to hear this and got mad at Kira. Some got angry with me, saying Kira was just really friendly with everyone and that was a horrible accusation to make."

OP recalled Kira’s reaction, saying, "Kira was upset, saying she couldn't believe I thought that of her and maybe we really weren't that close. She left in tears and I left soon after too. Now I don't know, maybe I was wrong? Kira had been drinking at the dinner party and might not have meant what she said, and the other stuff could've been nothing." 

OP ended the post asking, "Maybe this was too harsh to say to her after a breakup and we could've talked privately, not in front of our friends. AITA?"

Internet sides with woman

After hearing about the situation, internet users backed the 27-year-old woman, criticizing her best friend Kira for her inappropriate behavior with her husband.

One user wrote, "NTA - You’d better stand on business. Kira not your friend and more than likely she’s jealous. Seriously, why are you friends with her?" 

A second user shared, "Nta and you need to let your friends know the extent of her "friendlyness" with your husband. how HE told you she makes him uncomfortable, the comment now that you are pregnant, they need to know the depth of her snakeyness." 

Another user suggested, "Nta let’s normalise calling other peoples disrespectful actions out and not comforting when karma bites their a*s."

One person wrote, "NTA, rightly called her out too. It’s literally her actions that got het here. She has no respect for you , your marriage, your husband and her ex. She is selfish and knows what she is doing. Don’t be naive. She clearly doesn’t care about you. Rightly cut off". 

Another said, "NTA and she IS NOT your friend." 

One commented, "NTA. Could quibble about the timing, but delivering honesty at that particular moment might have been shocking and hurtful, but so was her getting drunk and completely disrespecting you and your relationship with your husband and soon-to-be father of your child. Hopefully the shock will wake her up and make her realize she needs to move on."

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