'AITA for confronting my mother-in-law over her criticism of my parenting in front of my child?'
The internet is standing firmly behind a woman who told her overbearing mother-in-law to stop criticizing her parenting, especially in front of her child.
The scenario was shared by the original poster (OP) on Reddit’s popular 'Am I The A*****e (AITA)' forum, where it quickly gained traction with thousands of upvotes and hundreds of comments.
Woman confronts her mother-in-law
In her Reddit post titled "AITA for telling my mother-in-law she can't criticize my parenting in front of my kid?", OP explains that she has been married to her husband, Kieran (34M), for four years and that they share a three-year-old son.
OP explains, "I (30F) have been married to my husband Kieran (34M) for four years and we have one son together (3). My mother-in-law Christie is one of those people who doesn't seem to have ever grown out of the mentality that her son is in fact a grown man with a family of his own, and can be very overbearing at times but I've known for the most part, that she means well."
"She was very vocal through my pregnancy about what I should do and everything etc, and a lot of it was valuable as first time parents," OP writes. "But since our son has been born, she's been very hands-on. Kieran has previously spoken to her about coming over too often (he knows I prefer to leave her to him lol) but she doesn't seem to have taken much of the hint. Right now, she enjoys popping over up sometimes twice a week."
Despite Kieran having previously spoken to his mother about respecting boundaries, Christie still drops by uninvited sometimes twice a week. The breaking point came during a family gathering when OP’s toddler had a meltdown after losing his favorite teddy bear.
"A few days ago, we were at a family gathering when my son threw a tantrum because he'd lost his favourite teddy. I was handling it calmly and found the toy, but my mother-in-law stepped in and started criticizing my approach right in front of everyone. She told me that I was being too lenient and that my son would grow up spoiled if I didn't discipline him properly. This seemed utterly ludicrous to me considering that not only is it mine and my husband's decision how we parent our son, but he's three years old and lost his teddy - there's not much to discipline him for."
"I was embarrassed and frustrated because it was in front of a bunch of family members, but I pulled her aside later and asked her directly if she could take a step back from trying to control both my marriage and parenting. She got very frustrated with me and started telling me that I needed to be more patient (real change of tune there Christie - thought I needed to be more strict and direct?) and that she was clearly only trying to help," OP said.
OP acknowledges that her MIL likely acts with good intentions, but she feels like Christie is treating their son as a second child rather than a grandchild.
"I understand that she probably is acting with the best of intentions but it's starting to get too much. Part of me can't help but feel like she's treating mine and Kieran's son as a sort of second son of her own. But on the other hand, I understand that she's likely just trying to guide us in the right direction. I'm not sure. AITA?"
Internet backs woman after mother-in-law publicly criticizes her parenting
Redditors overwhelmingly ruled OP NTA (Not The A*****e), agreeing that Christie was overstepping boundaries and needed to respect that OP and her husband are the parents—not her.
"NTA: But your husband should be the one standing up for you. You and your husband should discuss how often she can visit. And tell her she can no longer just show up. If she does show up without prior arrangements just don't answer the door. Time to establish some boundaries," one user wrote.
Another added, "NTA. You took her to the side and told her. You didn't blast her in front of everyone like she was doing to you. It sounds like you just reminded her of her role as grandma and not parent. If you haven't already. You may want to have another chat with your husband and let him know it's time to rein in his mom again. You may even have to sit her down and set clear boundaries after talking with your husband. Then stick to them."
One person advised, "NTA but don't assume she has the best of intentions. Her intent, clearly demonstrated, is to tell you what to do and how to do it. She wants "patience" from you while she lays down the law and you follow her instructions. It's time for you and Kieran to lay down the law instead - "our child, our rules." If you don't like our rules, you can keep quiet until we are alone and then she can suggest an alternative. But if we turn it down, that is the end of the discussion. Then you and Kieran must be prepared to enact consequences if she breaks the rules. Tell her what she has to lose if she breaks the rules."
"NTA. If she tries to deny wrongdoing, bring up examples. If she still refuses to respect you as a parent, wife and adult, mention to husband that you and son are limiting contact with MIL until she steps back and minds her own business. Husband needs to step up to him mum more and back you up. Her behaviour cannot keep going unchecked and she needs to know there are consequences to her overbearing, unsolicited butting in," another wrote.
"NTA, If she ever scolds you in public for how you manage your child again, do it back to her. Something like "You've already raised your child. If you feel like you didn't do a good enough job, go speak with him about it," a user said.
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