‘AITA for declining to change my old and ailing mother-in-law’s diapers?’

A man took to Reddit to explain his dilemma of taking care of his old and ailing mother-in-law which has left his wife upset.

On the 'Am I the A**hole' forum, the 60-year-old man wrote, “Wife's (55F) parents didn't do retirement/end of life planning well, and her mom's (85F) starting to need a lot more physical care. My wife is understandably stressed about it, feeling it all lands on her to solve.”

The Reddit user, with the username Binkmeister, explained that he was happy to help his wife but there was one condition.

Man says no to mother-in-law's diaper-changing duty

The Redditor expressed willingness to help his wife take care of her old and frail mother. But when the wife asked him to change her mother's diapers, he decided to put his foot down.

“When we started discussing the potential of having her mom move in with us, she asked me to help with things like changing her mom's diapers. I said no to doing diaper duty,” the OP wrote in the post titled, 'AITAH for refusing to change my mother-in-law's diapers?'

He once again asserted that he had no issues handling other responsibilities, like “helping her move, get up and down in her chair, being her Uber for trips with her wheelchair, house maintenance", but diaper-changing duty was something he was certainly not comfortable with.

“For context, her dad went through hospice a few years ago, and I did help with cleaning up after him, including changing his diapers. That remains an unpleasant memory, and I can't repeat it with her mom,” he added.

The man’s wife did not take well to his refusal and started giving him the “silent treatment”.

The OP added that his mother-in-law “has a daytime caregiver who deals with all this stuff right now, but if she were to move in with us, my wife and I would be on the hook for night and weekend care."

He asked, “Am I being unreasonable, or is her ask beyond the pale?” before concluding his post.

Internet backs OP for refusing to change his mother-in-law's diapers

The Reddit community sympathized with the man and understood his point of view. They backed his decision and declared him "NTA".

A user wrote, “NTA. And tell your wife she should be thinking more about how her mom would feel to have her diaper changed by her son in law. Not cool. It’s different when it was her dad. But she needs to think about her mom’s feelings too.”

“NTA. If you are in America, get her on medicaid. Nobody is required to be somebody else's caregiver,” another shared.

One user said, “NTA. I was my grandmother's caregiver, and my family was involved in her care, but only a few of us in our BIG family felt comfortable doing it. No hard feelings. The others helped out in other ways. I believe that particular task should be done by someone who is actually okay with it. For me, it's a matter of their dignity.”

A person commented, “NTA. If you’re in the states look into home health care thru Medicare. We use it for my dementia ridden 93 year old grandmother. Ive openly told my own mother you better have enough money when you’re elderly to help take care of yourself. I’ll do a lot of things but senior diaper duty ain’t one of them.”

Another shared, “NTA. Your wife is out of line.”

“NTA You've already said you're willing to help with everything else. You do get to have a line in the sand that says not this. Your wife ought to be thrilled that you are willing to share the home and do so much already,” a comment read.

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