'AITA for excluding my fiance’s disabled sister from my bridesmaid lineup?'

A woman recently shared a dilemma on Reddit's "Am I The A**hole" (AITAH) forum, asking, "AITA for not wanting my fiance's severely disabled sister to be one of my bridesmaids?"

The Reddit post quickly gained traction, amassing over 3,000 likes and approximately 500 comments, according to Someecards.com.

Bride-to-be refuses to include fiance’s disabled sister as a bridesmaid

The OP revealed she planning her wedding and has decided not to include her fiance's severely disabled 17-year-old sister as a bridesmaid.

She wrote, "I know it sounds bad. My fiance has a 17-year-old younger sister (Younger Sister) who is medically fragile and has severe intellectual development issues. I don't know exactly what her diagnosis is, because his parents don't really talk about it. They often pretend like she is not medically fragile. She is in a wheelchair, on a feeding tube and I don't think she really knows where she is most of the time. So anyways I was at my inlaw's house with my fiance's older sister (Older Sister) putting together my bridesmaid's boxes."

The OP explained, "The boxes are small and cardboard and on the outside have their names on the boxes and inside have confetti, a small bottle of champagne, candy, matching earrings necklace and hair clips, and a bath bomb. I am asking my niece who is 13 to be a bridesmaid so I had bought a small bottle of apple cider to put in her box instead of champagne.

"So anyways my future MIL comes in the kitchen where we're putting together the boxes and she sees that there is a bottle of apple cider. She tells me "Oh honey this is so sweet of you but Younger Sister can't have this or the earrings." I tell her that the cider is for my niece and she asks me what Younger Sister is going to have in her box. I tell her that I wasn't planning on Younger Sister being in my wedding and MIL and Older Sister get really weird and quiet and the rest of the night is really awkward."

The decision was based on both logistical concerns (her fiance has only five groomsmen) and her belief that including Younger Sister might be "awkward and cruel" due to her condition.

When OP's future MIL noticed that there was no box for Younger Sister, she expressed hurt and disappointment.

"So I go home that night and MIL calls and tells me she's really hurt that I'm not including Younger Sister in the wedding. I don't tell her exactly why but I do tell her that her son only has 5 groomsmen so I can only have 5 bridesmaids and I already included someone in their family in the bridal party. The real reason honestly is that I think it's kind of awkward and cruel to put Younger sister in the wedding because of her condition and it just gives people the chance to gawk at her. So reddit, AITA?"

Redditors back bride’s decision to not make fiance’s disabled sister a bridesmaid

One Reddit user wrote, “NTA. From your description it doesn't really sound like the younger sister is really capable of being a bridesmaid in the traditional sense. In any case, it sounds like you only had 5 bridesmaid slots, and only wanted to use one on your finances sisters. You're obviously not close with the you get sister either. Also weird that they assumed the you get sister was going to be in the wedding without you discussing. Ultimately it's your wedding and up to you who is in the wedding party."

The other user wrote, "It sounds as though Younger Sister would mostly be on display as a sort of wedding freak show, and that's wretched. NTA."

Another user commented, "This is actually a very thoughtful post, and based on that, NTA. You've given this some consideration and are asking for outside perspective. It's your day, so you get to decide all these details. That they don't like them is irrelevant..but revealing. You should take note of the message: They have expectations (demands, really) .and they don't necessarily share them up front...so you might want to see this as an important opportunity to set the record straight about their need to discuss their expectations in advance and then their need to listen and respect your choice. Otherwise, you will likely have all sorts of boundary intrusions in the future."

"NTA. You choose your bridal party. Is it possible to make her like a honorary bridesmaid or something who gets to wear a similar colour dress but doesn’t actually stand up at the front? It seems like they want her to be a bridesmaid for them not for her. May be possible to compromise. But it’s not required. What does your fiancé think?" a user commented, while another noted, "She could be a honorary bridesmaid in the front row (depending on setup). But she can have a dress and now be one of the standing bridesmaids. Either way, NTA. It’s your wedding, you get to decide."

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