'AITA for making my three-year-old twins' father furious by allowing them to call my boyfriend daddy?'

Co-parenting with an ex can be challenging. Pick-ups and drop-offs, work schedules, and the occasional unforeseen errand are all concerns when one possesses share or equal custody.

A 25-year-old woman recently took to Reddit's popular "Am I the A**hole" (AITA) forum to describe how her three-year-old twins' father became enraged upon hearing them refer to her boyfriend as "daddy." 

Woman shares how the father of her twins got furious for letting them refer to her boyfriend as 'daddy'

The original poster (OP) began her post, by giving some background information about the dynamics of the family, stating that she and her 28-year-old boyfriend have been dating for three years and living together for two years.

"I (25f) and my boyfriend (28m) have been together for 3 years and have been living together with my twins (3m) for 2 years," the OP wrote.

In contrast, she claimed that she and the children's father "have never been together" and that he "hadn't wanted to be part of [the twins'] life" until the twins were a year old.

The OP shared that twins had been with her and her boyfriend since she first found out she was pregnant, and they "don't know life without" him. "He was there for all the ultrasounds and birth classes he sat and read all the books with me and was there for the labor," she noted. 

She added, "He loves them like his own and in my eyes they’re as much his kids as mine he was up all the late nights taking care of not only me but them too."

According to a custody arrangement, the mother often drops the twins off and picks them up at their father's house, where they spend every other Saturday.

"We have a custody agreement that they go every other weekend with him on Saturday with me dropping them off and picking them up but last weekend my boyfriend had to pick them up because I had a work trip," she explained.

However, her boyfriend filled in for her one weekend when she was gone on a work trip. The mother claimed that the children's father was upset that the twins called the boyfriend "daddy" to get his attention when he was picking up the children.

"He said that my ex had seemed to be okay with it and he left to take them home but while I was at the airport my ex called me screaming saying how undermining and disrespectful it was that the twins called him daddy," the OP shared.

The father of the twins subsequently "started complaining about custody, which was originally his idea because he was working a lot, and saying that it was my fault because my boyfriend is spending more time with them and that he doesn’t have enough time to bond with them."

While the twins are "so comfortable" with her boyfriend, the woman claimed that the twins' father also expressed his annoyance that "his fiance couldn’t hug the twins without bribing them with something."

Upon returning home from her trip, the Redditor talked to her boyfriend about the issue, and he informed her that even though he loves the children, he would understand if she told them not to call him "daddy."

The OP shared that she is currently feeling very conflicted about the situation.

"I love that my twins call him [boyfriend] dad I feel like he’s earned it but I don’t know if I’m being a d**k because my ex is in their life and he is their father," the OP concluded, asking fellow Redditors to comment with what they thought of her situation.

Redditors rally behind OP and ask her to gear up for a custody dispute

Given the situation, several individuals in the comments reassured the mother that it's perfectly normal and fine for her children to refer to her boyfriend as "daddy."

One wrote, "NTA. Your boyfriend is the Dad that your twins have known, he’s always been there and they have made the choice to call him Daddy. I would be concerned about the twins' behaviour around your ex and his fiancee, they seem like they don’t feel comfortable and your ex should NOT be forcing them to hug someone they aren’t happy to hug even if it is his fiancée. Sorry, but the ex needs to put on his big boy pants and realise that he hasn’t made the effort and that has affected his relationship with his kids. Don’t stop your kids from expressing themselves, if they feel comfortable calling your boyfriend Daddy then let them!"

Another said, "NTA, And I'm guessing the only reason he went for his little Saturday visit is because of his fiancee. This is textbook deadbeat behavior and it's time to gear up for a custody dispute."

Another Redditor suggested that the twins' father needs to use this situation as a chance to reconsider his own connection with his children.

"NTA. The title of 'dad' is earned, not just given, and it sounds like your boyfriend has done the dad duties and more. Your twins calling him 'dad' naturally reflects the loving and stable relationship they have with him, which is beautiful. It's tough that your ex feels left out, but maybe it's a cue for him to step up his game rather than criticize the bonds that have formed in his absence. As for his fiance... well, kids are pretty good judges of character, right? Keep focusing on what’s best for your twins, sounds like you’re doing a great job!" they wrote.

"NTA. When the father stated he didn't want to have them, then they hit a certain age. That set this up. Kids bond with who are around them. Seeing them for a few hours (doesn't matter the amount of time) once a week. How are they supposed to bond. If the kids need to be bribed for anything, they are not comfortable with that person. Offer him more time. Explain that they don't know him. He needs to be there and be an active part of their life. If his fiancee wants to be there too. Perfect. Your children bonded with your BF due to him being there, being active in their life," chimed in another.

"NTA. Ex wasn't there for a whole year, your bf was. Your bf IS their daddy. You might want to ask the twins some questions, though, because the fact they're silent at their fathers (read sperm donor) says something isn't right. Document EVERYTHING, what the ex says/does, what his fiancée says/does, absolutely EVERYTHING. Start collecting evidence for if you need it. Also, use the parenting app," read another comment. 

Mother of twins shares update on the 'daddy' situation

The woman later shared an update on the aforementioned situation and noted that they don’t have a "written legal agreement" on the custody matter but her boyfriend is going to connect one of his friends who is married to a family lawyer to see if she can assist and draft an agreement.

Moreover, the OP revealed that she has been in therapy since she was 12 because of "depression and anxiety with a family history of mental illness like bipolar" so she would like her children to get in therapy as well but "didn’t want them to start this young."

However, she and her boyfriend would be looking for a therapist for the twins, given what happened at her ex's house earlier. 

The OP said that she had not spoken to her ex yet and that she had to block him earlier because he kept texting and calling her while she was at work.

"I’ve taken him off of the pickup list at their daycare and I’m going to be texting him tomorrow because I don’t feel like them going over there is the best thing for the twins right now so we’re planning on going out of the city to stay with my bf’s parents at their house," she added. 

"That’s all I have for today but I will try to keep you guys updated on what’s happening, thank you again for all the love and support," the OP concluded.

This article contains remarks made on the Internet by individual people and organizations. MEAWW cannot confirm them independently and does not support claims or opinions being made online.