'AITA for not feeding my newborn immediately after she wakes up at midnight?'

In another unique course of dilemma, a new mother took to Reddit’s popular 'Am I The A*****e' (AITA) forum to share her story of how she decided to feed her newborn baby while her husband does not approve of her approach.

The Original Poster (OP), tinabambinaa, shared with the online community that she does not feed her newborn as soon as she wakes up at midnight, rather she prefers to "change her nappy" first, "comfort her briefly," and then "check" if her baby is hungry. However, the woman expressed that her husband "disagrees with this approach" and claimed that she should "comfort her right away."

Mother reveals not feeding her newborn immediately as she wakes up at midnight

The OP shared in the post, titled 'AITA for not feeding my (crying) newborn immediately after she wakes up? Husband believes so,' that she and her husband haven't been married for long and recently welcomed an infant into the family.

She expressed, "Oftentimes we’re at completely opposite ends with decisions. So this is one of them (we’re yet to find a counselor) & need a 2nd opinion pls," referring to the baby crying situation.

"As typical with newborns, they don’t sleep for long and wake up a midnight, usually with cries," the OP said.

She shared that their infant usually wakes up at midnight like any other newborn. "This was one of those nights, our baby woke up crying - but there’s a bit of a difference in how my husband and I handle it," the OP shared.

According to the OP, the baby's sobbing frequently turns off the husband, and he wants to find a quick solution to prevent the commotion or any possible shame.

The OP explained: "Sometimes he’d ask, “How are we going to go to this place or this place with a crying baby?” Imo I don’t care - newborns cry, and that’s just part of life. Hubby doesn’t like being the center of attention, but when you have a child, attention is inevitable."

The OP explained that she normally consoles their daughter for a short while, changes her diaper, and then checks her if she's hungry (which she usually is) when she wakes up wailing. "The conflict arises when it comes to the order in which hubby and I handle things," she added.

Explaining how her approach differs from that of her husband, the OP added: "I prefer to let her cry for a few minutes while I change her nappy first, and then feed and soothe her. My husband disagrees with this approach. He said it’s disturbing for a baby to cry consistently, and thinks I should comfort her right away, feed her if she’s hungry, and then change her nappy afterward."

The OP detailed why she prefers her approach because, according to her, if she feeds her baby first she will become drowsy and wake up for the diaper change, which requires more holding, prolonged consoling, and longer awake.

"Oftentimes she still gets hiccups, acid reflux, or gagging, by laying her down after a feed. I’d rather avoid all that fuss and put up with constant crying for 5-10 minutes for a nappy change. Hubby doesn’t," she shared.

Seeking advice, the OP wondered, "I’m not sure if ITA because of this."

Redditors call OP 'NTA' for having 'logical' approach

The online community chimed in to support the OP as one called her an "NTA" and said, "I always nappy changed first for the same reasons you give. However, if he does it his way and you do yours, you're both happy (and he'll learn the better way with experience!) Enjoy your time with your newborn, it really does fly."

A second user added, "NTA. Always changed my kids if they woke up and needed changing. Who’d want to lie in wet / soiled nappies? Clean and Feed was my motto. edit Am a guy if it matters."

A third user said in part, "NTA. Your method is logical and based on minimizing disruption for the baby and yourself. Newborns cry, it’s how they communicate, not a sign of trauma. Letting her cry for a few minutes while you handle the nappy change isn’t neglect; it’s efficient parenting."

"NTA you're doing great, you understand your child and you've got a great system. Your husband isn't either (unless he's being deliberately obtuse), he just doesn't have the same thought process as you do. I'm assuming you've already tried to explain your reasoning to your husband, so I'm not sure what you can do about that, but just know that you are doing great," chimed in one.

Another noted, "NTA, if he doesn’t like the way you do it, he should get up and do it every time. no baby has died from being left to cry for a few minutes, you’re still meeting all of her needs. you’re not in the wrong, he’s being quite over dramatic and acting like you’re leaving the baby for hours to cry."

"NTA. Your method makes sense until you have a baby who decides to poop after a feed 😭. But if you’re still in the 4th trimester, you’re basically on survival mode anyway. However, as others said, you can both take turns in doing it your way," said one.

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