‘AITA for not praising my husband because he does chores around the house?’

A woman took to Reddit's 'Am I the A**hole' (AITA) forum to ask, AITA for not praising her husband every time he helps out with household chores.

A Reddit post titled "AITA for not complimenting my husband when he does chores around the house?" has sparked widespread discussion, amassing over 500 likes and approximately 500 comments.

Woman asks Reddit if husband deserves praise for doing his share of chores

OP and her husband, who both work full-time and share household responsibilities, had an argument over the husband's expectation of praise after cleaning the kitchen.

The woman wrote, "There are certain things that we tend to do that would be considered exclusively my chore or his. But that’s not to say one or the other couldn’t do that thing. I usually start work later in the day, and finish way later. Where he starts very early, and is done earlier. So last night, I worked until 9pm and came home so exhausted that I just went straight to the couch and sat down. He was standing in the kitchen chatting with me, asking how my day was, etc."

OP had cleaned the kitchen that morning, leaving minimal work for him, but he unloaded the dishwasher and washed a frying pan. When he pointed out his efforts and asked for recognition, OP chuckled and pointed out what she had already done. 

The behavior of the husband bothered OP since it seemed to her that he was "fishing for a compliment" for chores that she does every day but doesn't get or expect an appreciation for.

She then said, “Oh, I also unloaded AND loaded the dishwasher and washed all your breakfast dishes by hand this morning.” To where he started stomping off and said “you could have just said you were proud of me.” And now I was grumpy because I felt the whole interaction felt childish. “Well are YOU proud of ME?!” To which he said “that’s not the point, I just tried to do something nice for you and you’re not even grateful.”

This led to an escalating argument, with the husband feeling unappreciated and OP frustrated by his desire for validation over what she views as routine tasks.

The OP added that the couple often appreciate each other and "the things we do."

"But the interaction we had last night was so UNCHARACTERISTIC for him that I doubted my reaction and was genuinely wondering if I was out of line. And yes, I could have been less petty but I just felt it so silly to NEED a compliment about something that was already 98% done that my reaction was one of almost “are you serious?” and then he got defensive and it escalated," she concluded.

Woman sparks intense Reddit debate over praising partners for doing chores

The discussion quickly went viral, attracting strong opinions from users.

One wrote, “NTA, but you should probably talk it out if you want to stay in a happy relationship. Yeah, yeah,  there's always some PickMe who shows up to be like "well I thank my husband every time he shits in the toilet instead of on our living room rug - I don't see what's so wrong with manifesting gratitude," but the truth is that it's exhausting and condescending to give headpats for basic adulting." 

Another user added, "NTA. Why would you praise him for basic chores that you both have to do to maintain your living space? He didn't even clean the kitchen! He washed one frying pan!"

"NTA. He doesn't get a pat on the head for washing a frying pan that he clearly used. Every time you do a chore, ask him if he notices anything," a user said, while another wrote, "It’s weird he not only expected you to thank him for cleaning his own home and his own mess but that he got pissed when you didn’t. NTA, and also I wouldn’t have children with him."

Others noted, "NTA. He’s a grown a** adult who lives in the household. Doing everyday chores is part of living there, being an equal partner and part of adulthood. You don’t get a participation trophy for it."

"NTA. And it really bugs me that he considers this "doing something nice for you". Managing communal space is the responsibility of both of you as spouses. Saying he's doing a favor implies that he thinks this is only your job," a user wrote.

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