‘AITA for not saying thank you to my husband when he does tasks related to our baby?’

A woman found herself in a precarious situation when her husband expected her to say “thank you” to him for every household work - specifically baby-related tasks - he did. 

Taking to the 'Am I the A**hole' subsection of Reddit, the author - a 28-year-old woman - shared her story, asking simply, “AITA for not saying thank you?”

The woman shared that her 30-year-old husband “thinks” she is a “jerk for not saying thank you about baby-related tasks".

Redditor says her husband expects her to say 'thank you' for doing baby-related tasks

The woman, who shares her seven-month-old baby with her husband, wrote on Reddit that both of them work full time with “a few days during the week remotely” and send their little one (LO) to daycare twice a week. 

She continued, “I’m up every day at 6.15 am to pump, then I get the baby up and ready if he hasn’t woken up already, make sure he’s changed, has a bottle, has breakfast, is dressed, and is happy while husband is still asleep or just getting on his work computer.”

“I telework with LO on Mondays and Wednesdays (DH is there both days), but I don’t really get anything done, which is really frustrating because I’m still training in my job and I get anxious trying to balance LO and work,” she added, while noting, “Tuesdays I’m out the door bringing LO to daycare by 7.30 while husband is usually still in the shower.”

She shared that her husband usually asked her to “let out the dogs because he’s running late". The author continued that since she pumped during the day, it also took up considerable time of her day.

“I make dinner every day, and I almost always feed the baby dinner too,” shared the OP. She also revealed that in the evening when she played with the baby, her husband “is on his phone on the couch".

“Then I start bath time at 7.00,” wrote the author, before adding that her husband would "usually fill the baby tub for me".

"He’ll also warm a bottle for me. Then I put LO to bed and we watch TV for a while. I unload and reload the dishwasher and try to start a load of bottles in the sterilizer. If LO gets up in the middle of the night, he’ll warm a bottle and I’ll change and feed LO and get him back to bed,” she continued. 

The OP added that while she missed sleeping late on Saturdays because of her chores, her husband still woke up late.

However, despite the differences in work load, the woman shared that whenever her husband did something unloading the dishwasher, putting dishes in the dishwasher, or doing the bottles, etc., "he makes a giant stink": “Did you see I did the dishes? Did you see I did the bottles? Did you see I took out the trash? Are you gonna say thank you?””

She vented out in the post saying that while she “noticed" him doing these chores, these were things that were “expected” of him.

“I don’t care if I get a thank you? Like the other day, I cleaned your work desk because it was horribly dusty, take your dirty dishes every day, and tidy the baby’s room but I didn’t get a thank you. I also don’t make a stink about not getting a thank you. Why is it necessary for me to thank you when I have a million other things on my mind?" she continued. 

While the OP admitted that she did say “thank you", her husband got “grumpy” saying her tone was “hateful.”

She concluded her post saying, "AITA for not thanking him? I just think it’s crazy to constantly say thank you for tasks like this."

Internet sides with OP and advises husband to 'step up'

The Reddit community advised the OP to remind her husband to "step up", while declaring her to be "NTA".

One user said, "NTA," before suggesting, "Do the same to him. EVERY. SINGLE. TIME. And remind him to tell you thank you as well for doing 90% of the tasts every day."

Someone else added, "NTA," and quipped referencing what she could say instead, "“I will start thanking you for emptying the dishwasher when you start bringing me flowers for pumping.”"

"NTA he isn’t doing you a favour, he’s doing the bare minimum," added someone else, before noting, "You need to sit down and discuss splitting up the workload. You have a child now you don’t need two."

"Wow, your husband sounds like he’s really missing the point here," chimed in someone else, adding, "NTA... You’re both juggling a ton, and it’s ridiculous he expects a parade for doing basic household tasks. It’s not about gratitude; it’s about teamwork! He needs to step up and recognize that you’re both in this together, not keep score."

This article contains remarks made on the Internet by individual people and organizations. MEAWW cannot confirm them independently and does not support claims or opinions being made online.