'AITA for not wanting my husband to have access to my inheritance?'

After losing her mother, a woman never expected her biggest challenge to come not from grief, but from the person she once trusted most.

Taking to Reddit's popular "Am I the A**hole" (AITA) forum, the woman, under the username Throw30Away2022, shared how a time of closure turned into conflict when she found herself at odds with her husband over her inheritance.

A husband who couldn't wait to get hold of his wife's inheritance

The woman began her story, "My mother passed away last year. And the entire process is about to come to an end in just a few weeks." 

Inheriting money from her mother wasn’t something she had ever wished for, but she saw it as an opportunity to give her children the stability they had never had. Unfortunately, her husband saw it as something else entirely—a personal shopping spree. 

"For the past six months, my husband has been looking at a multitude of things that on a regular day, we definitely can't afford. He'd have to use credit or save up for weeks or months," the original poster (OP) shared. 

Instead of making plans for their future, he was dreaming of new cars, expensive gadgets, and luxury items. He wasn’t even trying to save—just waiting for the inheritance to land in their account. 

His obsession with the legal process became impossible to ignore. "Instead, he's been asking for updates on the legal process and asking how much longer it's going to take. He's even asked me several times about an estimated amount," the woman wrote. 

She refused to give him any real numbers, knowing that things could still change. "I’ve given him very little to no information because, at this time, things can still drastically change. With a creditor popping up and saying that money is owed or etc," she explained. 

The truth about the couple's finances

Her husband had a history of financial recklessness, which is why she had taken over their money management.

"He's not the most responsible person with money. I've manage the finances full time for the past three years straight. He used to manage our finances. But he has a history of sabotaging our financial goals and blowing our budgets," the woman wrote. 

This time, she had a plan. "My intention is to use half of my inheritance to move our family into a house. Then save 40% to help my children in the future. Like graduations, college, trips, their first cars, etc. And have a small emergency fund," she shared. 

She wanted to build a future. He wanted instant gratification.

This wasn’t the first time her husband had made reckless choices with their money. The woman noted, "Something we couldn't do before because my husband kept giving money to his side of the family to help them with bills, groceries, legal troubles, etc." His generosity had come at a devastating cost, draining their accounts and leading them to homelessness three separate times.

"I understand that if it's family, you have to try and help somehow. But letting your three children and wife become homeless because an adult family member couldn't be responsible enough to pay their own bills or got into legal trouble is a hard thing for me to fully understand," the OP added. 

Woman refuses to risk future over husband's financial irresponsibility 

Her biggest fear wasn't just losing money—it was losing control. "I really don't want to wake up one day and find out that every cent has been spent behind my back. I'd like to open an account in my name and follow through with the plan I mentioned above," she explained. 

Meanwhile, her husband made his own plans. "He has made it clear that he intends to buy a new vehicle, tech, game system, and other items just for him. Not our children or to improve our family's future," the OP shared. 

She tried to talk to him about saving, about investing, about making responsible choices. But he dismissed her concerns with a shrug. "When I talk about investing or saving, he says that life is too short for that."

Her response was simple—it wasn’t about them, it was about their children. But his answer shocked her. "I told him that it wasn't about us. It was about our children. And his response was that when our children become adults, they should work for what they want."

The irony wasn’t lost on her. "That statement seems backwards considering his actions as of late," the OP remarked. 

She had started her marriage debt-free. But over the years, she had watched her husband drain their finances to bail out his parents time and time again. "Financially speaking, I started my marriage with my husband completely debt-free. And I have worked for years to finally get him to be debt-free as well," she shared. 

But his parents didn’t believe in saving, and he had spent a decade paying off their mistakes. "But over the past ten years, he's paid off his parents' credit card and IRS debts. They live paycheck to paycheck and think saving money is pointless."

Now, she faced a terrifying question—was she making the right choice? "I'm not sure if I'm making the right choice. But I really just want my children to have the same happy and stress-free childhood I had," concluded OP, asking fellow Redditors to help her with the situation. 

Reddit's verdict: NTA

Fellow Redditors rallied behind the woman, praising her strength and encouraging her to follow through with her plan.

One said, "NTA. Get a lawyer to help set everything up so he has no claim to the money EVER. Open a separate account and don’t put his name on the house deed. Also are you in the US? Because you won’t have to pay off his parents debts. It comes out of their estate and if the estate doesn’t have any money it doesn’t come from family."

Another added, "This! This is outside this subreddit pay grade. Get a lawyer NOW. Find out what your options are and how you can protect your inheritance. Do not delay as it could cost you."

"YTA why are you still married to him????? You're risking the entire future of your kids to be with a guy who couldn't find fiscal responsibility given a x marks the spot map and a guide. He can still just spend the money without knowing how much it is and you'll be responsible for the fallout and have to use the inheritance anyway," one more wrote. 

"NTA. 'leading our family to homelessness three separate times.' I'm sorry WHAT!? How on earth are you even entertaining the idea of giving him any kind of access to a large amount of money? Looks to me like he has told you, many times, what he's going to do with that money. He's going to blow it. Just like he has been doing. He's going to blow the money, your investment plans, and your kids futures. Sorry but...I'd have divorced his a** ages ago. If you hand out my money to the point of making me homeless, there's no way in HELL that trust could be earned back," another person expressed. 

"NTA. But I don't know why you stay," read another comment. 

One more observed, "NTA. But talk to a financial planner asap. They can have the inheritance funds transferred directly to them so your husband can't "accidentally" buy a big ticket item. Any inheritance is usually the asset of the inheritor and not a marital asset."

"NTA. Keep your money as your money and you use it to do what's best for your family. I grew up with a gambling-addict of a father...there was a point where he drained all of their savings and hid the bank-book because he knew he did something bad. LEAVE HIM. ETA (because now I'm angry) This guy will bleed you dry...he has absolutely NO CONCEPT ABOUT FUTURE PLANNING...DUMP HIM NOW! You seem to have some common sense...aside from marrying this loser...dump this dude...Anything he signed for (loans, etc.) his parents will be on you two.

dump him NOW!" a Reddit user advised. 

Woman says she is done sacrificing and is in talks with a divorce attorney

The overwhelming response from the Reddit community gave the OP the clarity she desperately needed.

In an update, she shared, "Thank you to everyone who gave me the advice I needed. My Mom was the only person I trusted enough to ask for advice on serious issues. Thanks for the awards and giving awards to those who gave me sage advice. I wasn't expecting any responses and my post to be buried by more interesting ones. Maybe five at most."

Realizing she couldn’t keep living like this, she took action. "I spent two days lining up appointments for the first week of October. When I know I'll have time alone to handle everything privately. I found a divorce attorney, a financial advisor, and a bank that's a bit out of the way.  I also made an appointment to visit the firm handling my Mom's estate to find out what my options are with them," she wrote. 

She was done sacrificing for a man who refused to change. "Some things to clarify: I truly am unsure what kind of financial ties my husband has created with his family members. That's why I said that if his parents pass, I'm sure there will be debts to pay. But I'm definitely not going to be around long enough to finance it," the OP stressed. 

For years, she had accepted his behavior, excused it, justified it. But looking back, she realized the warning signs had been there all along.

"A lot of people asked how I could be with him. And he wasn't like this while we dated and after we got married. It probably started midway through my fourth pregnancy, with our now first born. It made sense that all of the trouble we faced, just to have a child, could have drained us. I believed because we kept all of our bills paid and filed away," she elaborated. 

Their financial struggles, the medical bills, the stress of parenthood—it had all taken a toll. And she had spent years making excuses. "My binder of medical bills was three inches thick. From my first pregnancy to the day our firstborn came home from the NICU. With that in mind, I just accepted it as the blanket reason for everything each time. He would reopen that wound about how expensive it was for all of that. How it's going to be more expensive the next time."

But now, she was done making excuses, she was done letting him dictate their future.

"I'm still with him because my situation isn't so cut and dry. I had to dig our family out of a hole and got an apartment. I tried to create as much stability as possible to focus on my Mom. I tried to create as much stability as possible to focus on my Mom. All of this came out around the time I was taking care of my Mom. From the day I first took her to the hospital last year, I had to table it until now," the OP clarified. 

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