'AITA for punishing my niece and nephew differently for same offense?'

A 19-year-old female found herself in a moral dilemma after she gave different punishments to her nephew and niece for similar offenses. 

Taking to Reddit's "Am I The A**hole" (AITA) forum, the original poster (OP), who shared that she helps her "aunt" by babysitting her children in exchange for money, asked, “AITA for giving my niece and nephew different punishments for doing the same offence?” 

OP reveals why she gave different punishments to her nephew and niece

In an update, the OP revealed that though she is not blood-related to the aunt, they are like family to her. "We are not blood related but basically grew up together and my mom and Aunt are practically family. I call them niece/ nephew because I always have tbh 😭 sorry English is not my first language 💀." 

To give context, she shared that she “took a gap year off of university” after her first year for her health and “also to earn some money.” As a job, she started babysitting her 42-year-old aunt's two children - an 11-year-old boy and a seven-year-old girl. 

“I accepted, and have been staying with her and her husband (43M) for a few months now,” the OP said.

The OP continued, “Problems started because I realized that my nephew frequently picks on and bullies his younger sister,” before elaborating, “Ripping the heads of her stuffies, breaking her toys, ripping her drawings, etc. He frequently makes fun of her and is overall terrible to her.”

Though she has “tried multiple different attempts to stop it, having a heart-to-heart with him, taking away his gadgets, grounding him, etc, but the behavior stops for a week at best before he starts again.”

She further shared that the boy’s parents are not of much help because her aunt works in a high-paying “demanding job and comes back and cleans up around the house, and makes dinner.” Her uncle, on the other hand, “comes back from work and doesn’t contribute to the house chores in anyway.”

The OP further revealed that whenever she brought up the topic of taking her nephew “to therapy he dismissed it as ‘pseudoscience,’” he was “very averse to therapy.”

The recent issue started when she overheard her “niece and nephew fighting again.”

“I immediately assume he’s started something again and ask him to please give his sister a break,” shared the author, before adding, “I learned that his sister was the cause of the fight this time, she poured water on his Nintendo switch, damaging it.”

“I apologized for blaming him, and pulled her aside and asked her why she did it as she is not the type to do that. She said that she wanted her brother to stop picking on her and she wanted to get back at him,” she further said.

When her uncle came home, he, however, said that she should have given the girl “the same punishment as his son to be fair, and was angry” that she was given only an apology letter to write. 

“I only made her write an apology letter to him, instead of grounding her or taking away her tablet,” shared the OP, before adding, “I don’t believe it’s fair to punish her the same way for her first offence, but he said that I was picking favorites and that he could see I was biased. So, am I the a**hole?”

Redditors back OP and slam aunt and uncle for way of parenting

The Redditors supported the OP, saying that she was not at fault for giving different punishments to her nephew and niece. Moreover, they further said that the children's parents were wrong for their style of upbringing.

One social media user wrote on Reddit, "NTA. Kick a dog enough times, and it'll bite. Sister clearly had enough. If they aren't correcting brother's behavior, then that's on them."

"YNTA. It's only fair to give a more minor punishment to the 7 yr old. A single water pour on a nintendo switch isn't a major issue (You should almost thank the girl for cleaning his screen), but tearing dolls heads off is defiently worse. Breaking stuff is way more lethal," explained another user. 

"NTA," declared someone else, before explaining, "Your niece was acting in self defense, and has shown MULTIPLE signs that she’s annoyed with what her brother’s doing. You definitely made the right call. Maybe try letting the Aunt and Uncle know that she did it cause she was fed up. I don’t think she was doing it to bully her brother, only to show she’s not gonna take it anymore."

"NTA. But it sounds like your aunt and uncle are giving you responsibility without authority," shared one person, before noting, "Of course the boy isn't paying attention to you if they won't back you up."

Another declared, "NTA," before elaborating, "Tell the dad this is the punishment for a first offence, one made in response to bullying. And that his son’s punishments are due to him being up to his gazillionth offence. You could even say you’ll reconsider if the son’s therapist has a different view."

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