'AITA for refusing to call my friend by her new name 'Queen' despite respecting her identity?'

When someone chooses to reinvent themselves, it can inspire admiration—or spark complex feelings.

A Reddit user took to the platform to share the story of her 25-year-old friend who socially changed her name to "Queen," a decision that has left the original poster grappling with how to honor her autonomy.

Woman's name change to 'Queen' causes unease 

“She’s cisgender, by the way,” the original poster (OP) shared, clarifying that the name change wasn’t tied to gender identity.

“Her name change is due to her wanting to reinvent herself. And her new name, Queen, reflects how she thinks of herself and how she wants others to see her,” the OP said.

The change is already reflected across the board. "Her social media usernames and profiles reflect her new name, and people she's met in the past few years call her by the name she's introduced herself as," the OP noted, adding “I’d be glad to support her in the autonomy she seeks by naming herself. But my issue is that she wants everyone to call her Queen.”

However, for the OP, the unease lies in the nature of the chosen name. "My issue is that she wants everyone to call her Queen," she said.

The OP also shared an instance saying, "Within the friend group I notice that sometimes her old friends slip up and call her by her given name. But you can see that it doesn't sit well with her, and that being deadnamed, bothers her. Sometimes she'll politely correct, but not within larger groups. Sometimes her friends self-correct and call her Queen."

The woman's struggle with friends calling her 'Queen'

“‘Queen’ and ‘King’ are used as terms of praise, reverence, and endearment. I simply don’t feel that way about her,” the OP admitted.

“It just doesn’t feel like a name to me. It feels more like a title,” she said.

While she recognizes the name change is meaningful to her friend, it’s hard to reconcile her feelings.

“If she were to change her name to a name that means queen, like Reina, I wouldn’t experience any unease with calling her such,” the OP said.

The friend group has largely adjusted to calling her Queen, but old habits occasionally resurface.

“Sometimes her old friends slip up and call her by her given name. But you can see that it doesn’t sit well with her, and that being deadnamed bothers her,” the friend noted.

To navigate her own discomfort, the OP has tried different strategies—most of which haven’t been well-received.

“I avoid using any name to refer to her. If I do use a name, I try to say Queen, but if I’m not in a good mood or if I’m annoyed with her, I don’t bring myself to say it,” she said.

When the OP asked if she could use a nickname like “Q,” the suggestion was quickly shut down. “She said, ‘No, my name is Queen.’”

While the friend acknowledges the power of choosing one’s identity, she admits her hesitance may also stem from her perception of Queen’s personality.

“Perhaps I would feel differently if it were a stage name. Perhaps I would feel differently if she weren’t also a little self-centered,” she said.

Internet’s take on changing one's name to 'Queen'

The internet was abuzz with heated opinions after the OP ignited a debate over the ethics and social implications of changing one’s name to "Queen."

One fan shared, "I'm gonna get downvoted for this, but, NTA. Changing one's own name to "Queen" (or King, or anything else that obviously signals one's belief in their own superiority over other people) and then demanding that people address you by that name is an inherently asshole move. It's so, so gross, and absolutely reeks of narcissism. If any of my friends ever did this, I would honestly be so turned off by it that I would most likely stop being friends with them. Blech. My own issues with valorizing the concept of royalty aside--fuck monarchs, seriously--if you want people to call you "Queen," work to earn that and let other people give you the title as a sign of respect."

Another wrote, "I feel like a lot of us are in agreement: changing your name in your 20s to Queen is weirdly self-aggrandizing and intentional. If that were her birth name, it'd be less weird, but this is too much. Personally, I would rethink my friendship with a person so self-absorbed and/or insecure as to do this."

A viewer pointed out, "You know what's funny, I know people named princess/queenie/harmony/angel etc. (Shout out to the black and filipino communities lmaooo) and i have no issue calling them by their names but thr thought of someone changing their name to Queen would bug me a bit. Which I know is a me problem, and would be something I would work through because who am I to say that their name is not their name. I think this is something you need to either figure out or realise will end the friendship as she has every roght to feel disrespected, but despite knowing better I also have that gut reaction of "hmm, don't wanna do that."

Another follower commented, "To me, there's a difference between being named something and choosing a name for yourself. If a mom names their son King, it's not like he had any choice, and his name reflects his mom's ego and not his. However, if Derek suddenly wants everyone to call him King, it's an inherently egotistical move. That's why it feels so uncomfortable. I think it would change how I viewed that person and how they saw themselves compared to me - like I couldn't call them King or Queen without thinking about their ego."

One stated, "Exactly. There's a difference between a name and a title, and demanding people call you by a title means you should damn well make sure you deserve that title."

Another individual observed, "In high school I had a classmate who 'jokingly' wanted people to refer to him as God. I rolled my eyes so hard at that one."

Another explained, "Ok, but would this be news to you? Surely a friend who renamed herself Queen would've shown signs of being a narcissist before. So either you stop being friends with them because you can't bring yourself to call her by her name or you call her by her name. Deciding that you're just going to call someone whatever you want is still rude."

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