'AITA for refusing to kick out my roommate just because my girlfriend thinks he might be trans?'

Sometimes, life throws situations in a way that forces one to reexamine their values, boundaries, and the people they surround themselves with.

For a 22-year-old engineering student navigating college life, this journey began when his girlfriend of five years confronted him with a baffling ultimatum: “Prove your roommate isn’t trans—or kick him out.”

Meet Alex: The ideal roommate

Alex, 23 moved in six months ago and quickly proved himself to be an ideal roommate.

Quiet, respectful, and reliable, Alex consistently paid rent on time, pitched in with chores, and even shared his cooking—a rarity in the world of student housing.

The narrator shared on Reddit, "He is a short guy and probably under 165cm/5'5, has a lot facial hair, muscles, and looks a lot like a short Henry Cavill imo. No one I know has ever brought up this idea before, I've had my friends and family at our apartment before."

"Alex and I get along, we're polite but not really friends, he’s quiet but super polite, always pays rent on time, helps with chores, and even shares his cooking with me. I appreciate having him around, especially because my last three roommates were each their own horror story," he added. 

The dynamic took a turn when the narrator’s girlfriend, Sarah, 28, came over unannounced and noticed scars on Alex’s chest. “blew up my phone, asking why I had a “female” living with me. I was confused and asked what she was on about,” he explained.

Her conclusion? The scars had to be from top surgery, making Alex “born female.”

"I tried to explain that even if Alex is trans or a "born female" that there is no way I'd be attracted to him because to any person who looked at him, you would see a freaking guy. Plus he’s respectful and doesn't cause drama like my last roommates, which she knows about," the narrator clarifed.

Sarah's ultimatum that ended it all

What followed was an avalanche of accusations, jealousy, and control.

Sarah insisted that the narrator either confirm Alex’s gender and evict him—or face the end of their relationship.

The boyfriend narrated, "At first Sarah wanted me to just ask Alex if he was trans, which why the f**k would I do that, or give her his last name so she can run a background check?! I said no to both. Then she said this was a violation of trust and that if I didn't either find out it Alex is trans (and kick him out) or just kick him out that she would have to "reevaluate things".

Sarah even" threatened to break up." “I said I don’t do ultimatums, and we’re done,” he said, sticking to his principle of not caving to threats.

The narrator then revealed, 'Since then, she's been messaging me every single day for over two weeks, even after I blocked her on everything because she wouldn't leave me alone, pissed that I wouldn't do this small thing for her. She ranges from, "are you f*****g him?", "let's just talk", "why cant you at least give me closure and ask him?" to the most recent her telling our mutual friend about the situation. Our friend wants nothing apart of this s**t show."

This wasn’t Sarah’s first red flag. As their relationship history unraveled, it became clear that there had been a troubling power imbalance from the start. They began dating when he was 17 and she was 22—an age gap that, while technically legal, carried uncomfortable implications.

Over time, her behavior escalated to verbal and physical aggression, culminating in her bizarre demands about Alex.

The narrator then answered a series of questions. "Is Alex trans? I have no clue. He could be, but he could have also had breast cancer, gyno, heart, lung, or any kind of other surgery. I used a photo from Google/Reddit because this whole time I personally thought he had gyno or something. But it's not my business."

"Is Alex safe? I'll talk to him when I get home and then talk to my landlord. I will change my gate code and also have her removed from the allowed guests list and also ask my landlord to not let her in personally. She hasn't been too violent of a person in the past but I also didn't know she was this insane in the past either."

"Was there abuse? I feel like this has been kinda implied in some questions. I don't know. Has she insulted me? Yes. Has she been physical? Yes. But nothing crazy. Slapping, pushing, shoving, but never anything like punching or drawing blood."

Alex’s response to the ugly situation

The fallout prompted the narrator to have an honest conversation with Alex, who turned out to be “trans masc.” Alex revealed he had top surgery at 19 and had been on testosterone since he was 18. Rather than making things awkward, the conversation deepened their bond. “He called me his best friend,” the narrator admitted, realizing he had underestimated their closeness.

Alex’s support didn’t stop there. He recommended a therapist and offered to accompany the narrator to a domestic violence support group. “He’s helping me find low-cost therapy and even offered to attend sessions with me. I’ve learned a lot about kindness and decency from him.”

Reflecting on the situation, the narrator admitted his naivety about the struggles trans people face and the importance of boundaries in relationships. “I thought what I did was the bare minimum, but I see now that decency toward trans people is still rare, and that’s heartbreaking. I hope things get better.”

Thereafter, the situation followed, "I talked to the therapist Alex recommended, normally I would be on the wait list until January, but due to the situation the therapist referred me to one of his associates and I'll be seen as early as next week. I also was recommended to attend a domestic violence support group that gathers once a month, I was originally not going to go because the idea was uncomfortable as f**k, but Alex said he'll go with me so at least I'll know someone there and we can leave if it's too weird for me."

Reddit users declare OP as NTA 

The story resonated deeply online, drawing a mix of admiration and outrage.

While many praised the narrator for standing up for Alex and ending an abusive relationship, others debated whether he could have handled things differently.

One fan shared, "Maybe Alex is trans, maybe not. You don't care and it's his business to inform you if he is. You're not saying you're part of the LGBTQ+ community or attracted to him so not sure why it would be your business. NTA."

Another wrote, "OP is NTA but his gf is. If she is that put out over the roommate, she has no trust and is super jealous. She sounds like a horror."

A different viewer pointed out, "I'm honestly disturbed by the gf's behaviour. Flying off the handle like that‽ "Are you f*****g this short bearded dude behind my back? Why can't you act like an invasive rude douche to your roommate to ease my paranoia?"

A user commented, "Overall, it seems like you prioritized respect for your roommate and your principles over an ultimatum, which is commendable. You’re not an asshole for wanting to protect someone’s privacy and for not compromising your values."

One opinion stated, "Why the hell would you be an asshole for leaving someone who both a) is a virulent transphobe and b) thinks if you’re ever in the presence of any other human with a vagina you’re inevitably going to f**k that person? Even if we remove the transphobia, she’s neurotic about assuming you’re a cheater. That alone is grounds for dumping for your own sanity."

Another individual observed, "NTA. Your GF is a walking nightmare. "Has she been physical? Yes. But nothing crazy. Slapping, pushing, shoving, but never anything like punching or drawing blood." Really?!?!?! This whole thing is a power play, IMO. If you had caved, she'd be on you like stink on sh1t. Alex saved you a lot of grief. I would recommend a hard look at why you've minimized her behavior before getting another GF. Glad you took all the security precautions, as well. Keep any documentation, texts, etc. in case you need to get a restraining order."

As someone explained, "NTA. Your ex is a transphobic pos. Alex is a cool dude, and more importantly a good housemate, and she wants to throw that away over identity politics. You dodged a bullet."

"NTA. You don't owe that transphobic pos anything. You're right. It doesn't matter if he's trans or if it's from some other medical surgery. She is not owed any knowledge about his life, genitals, or medical history just because she doesn't think he deserves to exist or thinks he's delusional, or whatever other transphobes are spouting. You did the right thing blocking and dumping her," another comment read.

This article contains remarks made on the Internet by individual people and organizations. MEAWW cannot confirm them independently and does not support claims or opinions being made online.