‘AITA for refusing to let sister-in-law breastfeed our baby despite my husband’s divorce threat?’

A recent post on Reddit sparked a heated discussion after a woman, who goes by the username nmother1990, shared her concerns on the 'Am I the A**hole' forum about her husband’s request to let her sister-in-law (SIL) "breastfeed" their newborn baby.

The post, which has garnered significant attention online, reveals a tense conflict between the woman, her husband, and her sister-in-law, all revolving around the care of their six-week-old child.

Mother expresses concern over sister-in-law's offer to breastfeed baby

In her post, the mother explained that she and her husband had struggled with infertility for years before finally welcoming their first child. After giving birth, she encountered breastfeeding difficulties, as her milk did not come in despite her best efforts.

To further complicate the matter, formula shortage made it difficult to find a consistent and reliable substitute. Upon turning to donor milk, the mother expressed hesitancy due to the potential risks involved, especially as she was unable to secure enough milk from the women she had screened.

The issue escalated when her husband suggested turning to his sister, who has two children of her own. According to the mother, her SIL had no issues with milk production and had been helping other people by offering to breastfeed their babies. However, the mother was uncomfortable with this idea for several reasons.

"My SIL and I have almost no relationship. She has...very strange views on motherhood that were born from trauma from her adoptive mother, who is now in prison," the OP wrote.

She added, "She always kept her distance from me, and getting pregnant only solidified this. I wasn't allowed to go to anything baby related or give her a single gift, not even a card, because it 'made her uncomfortable'."

Additionally, the mother expressed concerns about the safety and hygiene of her sister-in-law's offer.

She said, "Even if we were best friends, her views make the offer just plain unsafe. For one, she refuses to use a pump, which means my baby would be skin to skin with her and be directly exposed to not only her but the two other babies and two other households. There would be no hygiene standards whatsoever."

She also added that she was in the dark about her sister-in-law's diet or supplements, which further added to her discomfort.

"She refuses to tell me anything about it, claiming that she isn't "signing up to be my employee"," the mother explained, noting her sister-in-law's reluctance to share any information about her personal health practices.

Husband brushes off wife's objections and threatens divorce over baby’s breastfeeding arrangement

Despite the woman’s objections, her husband believes that the situation is not as serious as his wife is making it out to be.

"My husband thinks none of this matters, that we just need to deal with it because we need her, and that it's perfectly safe because she's family and "not like an addict or something"," the woman wrote.

The situation took a dramatic turn when the husband went behind his wife’s back, taking the baby to his sister's house, where she proceeded to nurse the child. This led to a major argument when he returned. The husband then threatened divorce over the issue.

The OP revealed, "He's now demanding that we do this, that this has gone on too long, we're out of time, and he "won't let me control the baby's life to [bad outcome]" because I'm not willing to "accept reality"."

The woman ended her post by stating how devastated she feels over her husband's threats of divorce.

"He's even threatening divorce so he could "make sure the baby was fed at least half the time". I'm wrecked over this because of course I can see the difference, but it's just not dire enough to make such a blatantly unsafe decision yet. AITA?" the OP wrote.

Internet split over mother’s refusal to let sister-in-law wet nurse baby

The post has ignited a wide range of opinions online, with many Reddit users siding with the mother’s decision to prioritize her baby’s safety and comfort.

A user said, "NTA. You have a right to know how your wet nurse would perform her duties so they were done in a manner that you feel is safe. But, you're in a rock and a hard place, because you need the milk. Your SIL isn't going to change, so you've either got to accept playing it by her rules, or go elsewhere. But you're NTA for not wanting her."

Another added, "NTA. You seem to be surrounded by breastfeeding fanatics. Using donor milk that is not tested and processed in a donor milk facility is not recommended, and you as a parent should be able to say no to this."

The comment further read, "There are some very weird dynamics going on here -- your husband insisting on this is strange. I mean, instead of supporting his wife on the child raising choices, he goes to fulfill his sister's wishes? What's in it for him?"

The third commentator remarked, "Im saying this after your update and like I get that it’s dire but even so, ALL of your concerns are valid. All of them. NTA"

"NTA, whatever you choose. I'm soooop sorry you're in this situation. Wow, I had no idea the shortages were this bad. I'm so sorry it had to come to this for you. I wish you had someone else who could do the wet nurse thing for you," said one in support.

On the other hand, some have supported the husband’s stance, arguing that the mother’s concerns may be overblown.

A person said, "YTA. You have a national shortage of formula, a hungry baby, and a kind offer from someone you seem to make it your life's work to pick holes in. Your husband would be quite justified in removing the baby from your care, and a judge is going to laugh when you explain the reasons you have given here."

Another chimed in, "Gotta say YTA. You’d literally rather your baby starve than drink milk from a woman who drinks wine once a month. You don’t seem to have other other good long term options but you’d rather risk your baby’s health than lose control."

"YTA. Your baby is too young for you to enforce your high standards during a formula shortage. Six weeks old?! Please let her feed your baby.

Re hygiene standards: your SIL’s breast milk will have antibodies to any germs in her household. And, to be frank, malnutrition is a much greater danger to your baby’s health than exposure to lax hygiene," explained one Reddit user.

This article contains remarks made on the Internet by individual people and organizations. MEAWW cannot confirm them independently and does not support claims or opinions being made online.