'AITA for refusing to reconnect with my dad after he cheated on my mom and destroyed our family?'

A 20-year-old woman recently took to Reddit's "Am I The A**hole" (AITA) forum to reveal why she decided to cut ties with her father.

In the post titled "AITAH for refusing to have a relationship with my dad after he cheated and destroyed our family?", the original poster (OP) sought answers if she was wrong in refusing to "reconnect" after her father showed no remorse, refused to apologize, and distanced himself from the family, missing her graduation and offering minimal support. 

Woman reveals she hasn't spoken to her father in two years

"I haven't spoken to my dad in almost two years," the OP began. "When I was 17, I found out he was cheating on my mom (42F) — with her best friend. They had been sneaking around for months before anyone knew," she explained in her post.

Her mother was left heartbroken. "She had to raise me and my younger brother (13M) alone, with barely any support, " she recalled.

Despite the damage, her father showed little remorse. The OP mentioned that "the worst part is that my dad never apologized — not to my mom, not to us. He acted like it was 'just something that happened' and said 'these things are complicated.'"

"Like, sorry? You threw away your family for a woman we trusted, and now you think we’ll just move on?" the OP asked. 

Meanwhile, her father moved on with his new partner "playing "happy family" with her kids, while completely ignoring" his own.

"He missed my graduation, never helped my mom financially, and only texts me on birthdays or holidays like 'Hope you’re well' — as if nothing happened," the woman shared.

OP's Father tried to reconnect years after affair 'because he feels lonely'

Now, years later, the OP revealed that "now suddenly, because some of our extended family are having reunions and holidays, he’s trying to "reconnect."

"He keeps reaching out, saying, 'You’re my daughter, I miss you, let’s fix this.'" But for her, the wounds ran too deep remembering her mother's plight back in the day.

"I’ve watched my mom cry herself to sleep for years. I had to grow up fast to help her and my little brother. Why should I forgive him now just because he feels lonely?" the woman asked.

Some family members, particularly those on her father's side, pressured her to make amends. "They’re saying I’m being 'cold' and 'bitter' and that 'life is short, you’ll regret it if you don’t make peace,'" the OP added.

Despite the guilt others were trying to impose on her, the young woman's feelings remained unchanged. "To me, he’s the reason our family is broken," she added.

Internet backs OP and declares she's 'NTA'

The internet overwhelmingly sided with the OP's decision to set boundaries after she refused to reconcile with her father who cheated on her mother. 

One Reddit user declared, "NTA. Tell him that if he wants to make amends, he can pay for a family therapist of your choice. In the therapy sessions, UNLOAD on his cheating a**."

Another wrote, "NTA. He cheated, destroyed your family, never apologized, and ignored you for years. Now that it’s convenient for him, he wants back in? You don’t owe him a relationship. Healing is on your terms, not his."

Someone else noted, "Tell him you might consider "reconnecting" if he pays your mother the child support he owes. He needs to take some actual accountability. NTA."

One person remarked, "Block him, he isn't worth your time or mental health and tell his flying monkey relatives to send their BS messages to their POS brothers affair partner because he is dead to you.. And block them too. NTAH."

Another commented, "NTA, this isnt a "let's fix this" situation, it's a "he needs to fix this" situation and only you can decide what that looks like for you. It can mean telling your extended family that you aren't a part of your dad's life any more since he cheated on your mother and abandoned you. Let him deal with the consequences you have already had to bear."

One individual advised, "Ask these accusatory family members where they were while you and his other child and your mother were struggling and suffering."

Another explained, "NTA, not only did your dad cheat with your mom’s best friend, he treated you and your brother like crap afterwards and didn’t help raise you. Honestly, block his number and any of his family that didn’t support you and your brother after the divorce. Then go to therapy for yourself to heal. If your brother ever asks why you don’t talk to your dad tell him the truth. Some people are worth leaving in the past." 

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