‘AITA for telling in-laws that I make more money than my husband so where we live is up to me?’
A woman sought the Reddit community's advice on some family drama, wondering if she was the one at fault.
The woman and her husband decided to move about an hour away from his family, and now her in-laws are calling her out for “breaking up” their family.
A move that sparked family drama
The woman shared her story in a post titled, 'AITAH for telling my husband’s family that I make more money, therefore where we live is my decision?' on the 'Am I the A**hole' subreddit, explaining why she felt the move was necessary.
"Context: I’m an engineer and I make decent money for our family of 3," she began. "My husband works in a call center and makes an average income. I cover the large bills, childcare expenses, home expenses i.e. food, items from wear and tear, clothing, etc. I’m the person he relies on when he’s short on cash or rent (I pay 60%, he covers 40%)."
She is also the one doing all the daycare runs and commuting an hour each way to her job with a screaming toddler in the backseat. So, when they got the chance to move closer to her work and daycare, she jumped at it.
"In the past, I would have to drive over an hour with my toddler in the car to work and daycare. I’m responsible for pick-ups and drop-offs (working full-time). It became super stressful with traffic and a screaming toddler," she explained.
The new home, however, is about an hour away from her husband’s mother and two sisters, and apparently, that’s a big no-no. "His family said I’m selfish for taking their son/brother and grandchild away from them," she continued.
Adding more context, the woman revealed they used to live just 15 minutes from the in-laws, who had promised to help with childcare. However, that never happened. In fact, they complained that even 15 minutes was “too far” and said they would only help if the couple lived within 3 miles of them.
"I told them that I’m the one providing for this family as I make more money, now they said I’m gloating and breaking up their family. AITA?" she asked.
Redditors weigh in on OP's family drama
Naturally, Redditors had thoughts—and most were firmly Team Mom.
"Your child comes first, and 2 hours in the car every day when it isn't necessary isn't good for your child. Nope. NTA. I love how people accuse others of being selfish when they put themselves in front of the needs of a small child," one wrote.
"NTA, maybe tell them, 'if they had helped like they said they would, but didn’t, you might have been able to stay where you were, but without their help, as they hand promised, which made your life harder, you decided your convenience was more important than being close to people who don’t keep their word and help when they said they would, and didn’t'," another offered.
"Could have used a little more tact, but NTA. If they had lived up to their promises, this wouldn't have been an issue. I wouldn't have wanted to commute and hour with a toddler either. They didn't step up, so you did to make life easier for your family," someone else chimed in.
A few people, however, had a different perspective. Some took issue with her comment about making more money than her husband and being the main decision-maker.
"NTA for the move, but TA for saying it's your decision because you make more. Flip the genders and see if the comments are the same," read a comment.
"You are NTA for moving, but definitely for the comment on wages. My husband and I are also engineers. Early in our marriage, he made a lot more. He never mentioned the difference. We just viewed it as what we make together. Funny thing, the one who makes more has switched a few times. Not keeping a tally is much better for your marriage. So is presenting a united front on big decisions, such as where you live. It's worked for us for 37 years and counting," another advised.
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