'AITA for telling my fiance that he needs to stop treating his 7-year-old daughter like a toddler?'

A Redditor started having doubts after she helped her fiance see the mistakes he was making in the upbringing of his almost seven-year-old daughter.  

Taking to the 'Am I the A**hole (AITA) subsection of Reddit, the author admitted, “I told my fiance that he needs to stop treating his daughter like a toddler.”

She started her post with the disclaimer that she doesn’t have a child yet, so she is not sure whether she should be commenting on the situation. Nevertheless, the Original Poster (OP) wrote about her doubts regarding the parenting style of her fiance.

Redditor asks whether she was wrong for asking her fiance to stop treating his child as a toddler

The author shared that she met her “fiancé's daughter when she was 5y/o.” While initially she didn’t find anything amiss, she admitted that “the older she gets the more ive started seeing things that he does that might be negatively affecting her ability to be more independent and things like this.”

“Now that his daughter is almost 7 years old it's more obvious to me that she still does baby talk... like her pronunciation and even her Tone and body language. And I wondered if it could be a speech impediment or something…”

The OP shared that she knew "either way" it was a little strange, and started noticing that her fiance “also spoke to her in baby voice…”

“I became concerned that maybe he was negatively affecting her speech development…,” continued the OP, saying that one day when she was alone with the child, the “creepiest thing happened” as she “spoke completely normal!”

She continued, “At first I couldn't put my finger on it but I could tell that something was different about her. And then it hit me. I asked her a little bit about it not trying to influence her answers. Essentially she explained that she didn't want to make her daddy sad so she would speak differently.”

The author added that she has noticed a few other things about their dynamics as well, including hearing the father say one day, "you arent allowed to grow up.”

Nevertheless, she added, “But the more I thought about it and the more I watched the more concerned I became.”

“Things like still wiping her bottom after the bathroom (if that's normal at this age please tell me I'm ignorant but it seemed like she was too old for that) dressing her completely (shoes and socks i get that but all the clothes?), not having boundaries when it came to knocking before entering our bedroom, not throwing her candy wrappers in the trashcan just leaving them on the floor, not letting her try and help me in the kitchen with cracking eggs or letting her explore her abilities and he just generally doing every little thing for her etc…,” added the author. 

While the OP noted that the girl is “extremely well behaved and kind,” it was her “lack of independence” that caught her family’s eye. 

Soon she decided to show her fiance the subtle missteps in his parenting and talked to him about “letting her try things so that she can build her confidence and stop talking to her like she is a baby..”

She also shared that her pep talk bore fruit as the girl has started independently cleaning and dressing herself. She added, “he explained boundaries regarding the bedroom door and knocking first, she's allowed cracks eggs with me now and she always wants to mix whatever and yes it's a mess sometimes but i believe it's good for her to learn and discover things.”

The author revealed her own doubt about the situation, as she shared, “I'm just not sure if I was in the right to suggest she should be more independent and was maybe behind her peers.”

“I mean she is only 6…,” she added before continuing, “Idk was I projecting my own idea of expectations based on my upbringing? Was I being unfair? Are those normal behaviors for an almost 7 year old?

Internet sides with Redditor saying she was 'absolutely correct'

The netizens praised the OP for broaching the subject with her fiance saying that otherwise, he was impeding the growth of his child. The netizens further asserted that since the fiance changed his behavior, the author was "absolutely correct" in addressing the issue. 

One of the Reddit users said on social media, "You were absolutely correct in bringing this up and being concerned!! Helicopter parenting stunts development, there’s a lot of adults who were raised to be dependent and are still trying to work through learning life skills and documenting that journey online. And honestly, if your fiancé changed his behavior after you addressed this, that’s just further indication that you were correct in doing so. Sometimes we just can’t see our own behavior and need an outside perspective!"

Someone else added, "It sounds like you were right to be concerned. While some of the behaviors you described might be within the range of normal for a 7-year-old, the combination of all of them, especially the baby talk and wiping her bottom, suggests that your fiancé might be hindering her development."

"I think you did great and actually your fiancé did great once he realised how damaging it is to her to behave this way. Sounds like he took your concerns onboard and has taken a step back on the babying," chimed in someone else, before noting, "I think it is great to let her help out and learn new things; doing her own laundry might be a bit much though. Maybe she could help you with it but I wouldn’t expect a 7 year to do their own washing."

"NTA," declared another user, adding, "OMG, babying a 7-year-old is kinda weird, right? Good for you for helping her be more independent! Sounds like she's thriving now that she can be herself and do stuff. You're actually helping her grow into a strong girl! 💪."

This article contains remarks made on the Internet by individual people and organizations. MEAWW cannot confirm them independently and does not support claims or opinions being made online.