'AITA for telling my housemate not to give me unsolicited advice?'

A 27-year-old recently took to Reddit's popular "Am I the A**hole" (AITA) forum to share that she has been frustrated with her 59-year-old housemate giving her "unsolicited advice" regarding her attitude.

Noting that she has a "strange living situation," the original poster (OP) wrote, "I live with a family (Chris, 65M, Danielle, 59F, and their daughter) and do household chores in exchange for rent. I've lived here for 19 months; it's mostly smooth sailing."

However, things went downhill when her elderly housemate, Danielle, who struggles with maintaining boundaries, approached her with "unsolicited advice," leading to the OP snapping at her.

Woman shares her elderly housemate gave her 'unsolicited advice' after she refused to do extra chores

The OP, who works full-time and is currently applying for law school, further wrote, "Danielle has some issues with boundaries (she doesn't understand why she can’t enter my room w/o permission, for example), and I know it's both due to age differences and the fact that they allow me to live in their house for free. I have to be very careful when enforcing boundaries."

The 27-year-old shared that the day before she shared the post, she "made dinner for everyone after a full day of chores."

At around 10 pm, when she was finishing the dishes, Danielle asked her "to steam clean the carpet in the living room because the cats had peed all over it."

"I did, and as I was putting the steam cleaner away, Danielle entered and said she wanted me to do another room. Because it was 10:30 at this point and I still wanted to work on an application before bed, I politely but firmly said, 'I'm not going to do that,'" the OP wrote.

Nevertheless, she admitted, "I probably should have said, 'I'll do it tomorrow,' but I was exhausted, so I just said no. I put the machine away, submitted my application, and went to bed."

The next day (the day OP was making the post), as she was finishing meal prep for the week, Danielle cornered her and told her, "'I don't want to fight about this. But I wanted to mention something. Last night when you told me you weren't going to clean the other room, I found it rude. You should be careful when you say things like that at work so that you don't get fired.'"

The 27-year-old was floored by Danielle's audacity and snapped. She told her, "'Danielle, you haven't had a job since before I was born. You don't get to give me advice about how to act in the workplace.'"

"Danielle rolled her eyes and huffed, 'See, I didn't want to fight about this,' and walked out of the room. I called after her, 'Then maybe don't bring it up?!?' Danielle hasn't spoken to me since, and I don't know what's coming," the OP added.

She went on to highlight the difference between her and Danielle’s work experience. While the OP has been working since she was 14, Danielle worked only for three years, "from age 22 to age 25."

On how they reached the "strange living situation," the OP mentioned, "They offered to start our arrangement in 2023 because they needed help around the house and I was struggling financially."

"As for Danielle's work advice, I currently work as a Regional Manager at a small firm. Not only is her advice outdated, but I can't take it. I'm a people manager; a lot of my day-to-day job involves being polite but unyielding," the Redditor pointed out.

"I think she was frustrated by my setting a boundary and that's why she brought it up. I know part of my frustration is that I feel powerless to protest most of the time. I will be moving out in August of this year when I go to law school (hopefully!), and my goal is just to make it until then," the OP added.

"I'm also really frustrated that Danielle felt like she could say whatever she wanted and then walk away as if I had no right to feel anything," she expressed, before asking, "AITA for what I said?"

Redditors divided in their opinion regarding OP's behavior toward Danielle

The comments section of the post was divided into two groups. While some thought the OP should have tried to be more polite to her elderly housemate, others thought Danielle was clearly trying to take advantage of her. 

One wrote, "'....my day to day job is being polite but unyielding.' Unyielding you were. Polite you were not. YTA."

"She isn't wrong.... and your response kinda proved why she felt like she had to give you advice. Oh, and dismissing her (common sense) knowledge because she hasn't "earned" it is so extremely rude, you get a YTA for that alone," another said.

"YTA - a bit of politeness would not have subtracted anything from your position and would have made a substantial difference in the relationship with them," another comment read. 

Meanwhile, another Redditor declared that the OP was "NTA," elaborating, "You did a full day of chores and then cooked dinner and then did the dishes and then steam-cleaned a carpet, and THEN she wants you to do more? These people are taking advantage of you and I guarantee if you were to charge actual market hourly rates for the work you're doing it would work out to less than you should be paying for market rent on a room in someone else's house."

"NTA, you need to set clear work boundaries. Cleaning around the house is not the same thing as cleaning animal pi** in the middle of the night. That's her own responsibility. Don't be a doormat," someone else expressed. 

"NTA. Most live-in domestic workers get room and board in addition to a salary. You are being taken advantage of as it sounds like the work they are asking you to do goes beyond typical chores. Most live-in maids aren’t asked to steam clean at 10:30 at night," one more pointed out. 

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