'AITA for telling my mom to stop letting my brother get away with stuff just because he’s autistic?'

Sibling rivalry is a common issue in many families, often sparked by concerns over fairness in how parents treat their children. But what happens when one sibling has a mental or physical disability?

This question was raised by an 18-year-old woman who shared her frustrations on Reddit about her 22-year-old autistic brother getting special treatment from their mother.

She expressed feeling neglected as her mother constantly prioritized her autistic brother's needs over hers. Let's dive into what the internet had to say and whether the teen was justified in her feelings - or if she might be the one in the wrong.

Teen girl explains her mother's special treatment of her autistic brother

A teen Redditor took to the platform on December 22 to ask if she was in the wrong for questioning her mother’s treatment of her autistic brother. The post, titled “AITA For telling my mom to stop letting my brother get away with stuff just because he’s autistic?” began with the teen sharing her family background. 

She explained, “I (18F) am the youngest out of three siblings. My oldest brother (22M) has autism. He doesn’t understand like everyone else does and is extremely smart in certain categories. Feelings are not one of them. He doesn’t understand when he does something wrong, and when he doesn’t get his way, things get out of hand.”

While the teen always had her father’s support, she expressed frustration with how her mother treats her autistic brother, Leo, with extra concern.

She added, “My father has been on my side for most of this. My brother, who we’ll call Leo, always got his way. He has one cell iPhone, three iPads, a computer, a laptop, a PlayStation Xbox, wii, etc. I on the other hand have one iPhone and that’s it. When he gets angry, he smashes and breaks his stuff. We have had to replace electronics more than I can count. I tell my mom not to give in, but she tells me off.”

The teen explained how her mother justifies the special treatment, saying, “She always has the same excuse. “Your brother is autistic, he doesn’t understand!” or “When you grow up you can get a job and start a family, he can’t.” And yes, the family thing is true. But she shouldn’t give in all the time. I tell her he’s not going to learn or that he doesn’t deserve it.”

The teen then recounted an incident where she felt unfairly treated: “I asked her for a monitor for my birthday, and instead I got books. She made up the excuse that we didn’t have the money, but the same day she gets him a new iPad. Which was over $1500. I realized that thats the reason she said no, was so she could get him that on my birthday."

She concluded her post, asking, “Recently, my family has yelled at me for being “inconsiderate” and “selfish” for expressing how I feel. I don’t know if I should stop trying to speak out and try to stop them from giving into his behavior. So, Am I the a**hole for wanting to be treated fairly?”

Internet backs teen girl who wanted to be treated fairly

After learning about the teen girl's feelings regarding her mother's special treatment of her autistic brother, several Reddit users shared their thoughts online.

One user agreed with the original poster's frustration, "Totally agree with. OP feelings are valid. It’s not selfish for her to want some fairness and consideration, even with the challenges her brother faces. Her mom needs to approach this differently for everyone’s sake. NTA." 

The second user added, "Nta. Your mother isn't doing him or the world any favors. Also make sure she doesn't plan on you being his care taker after she is gone. You need to talk to your dad and make sure they have a plan in place, besides you, to take care of him when they are gone... Such as a group home or something." 

One expressed, "As an autistic person myself, you're NTA. I hope you can get out of there as soon as possible, genuinely. I also hope this holiday season brings you everything you want :3 Stay strong."

The other user shared, "NTA - it is parenting like this that gives autistic people a bad rap. Autistic does not mean incapable of understanding actions and consequences. And this kind of parenting is one of the reasons why so many autistic people fail to secure long term employment or find themselves in jail."

A user shared, "NTA. Your brother is in for a very hard time adjusting once he reaches adulthood and finds that a lot of people are not going to accept "he's autistic" as an excuse for bad behavior."

The last user added, "NTA Focus on escaping. If you don't these AH will try to make you your brother's lifetime caretaker."

This article contains remarks made on the internet by individual people and organizations. MEAWW cannot confirm them independently and does not support claims or opinions being made online