'AITA for telling my roommate's mom I won't be following her rules in my apartment?'

Living independently is meant to be about freedom, but for one 21-year-old college student, it soon became a struggle for control.

After moving into an off-campus apartment with a roommate, Emily, the original poster (OP) expected a stress-free experience. However, things took a turn for the worse when Emily's mother imposed strict living rules for the apartment. 

Despite paying her own rent, the OP felt frustrated by the roommate's mother’s attempt to control the living situation. What followed sparked tension, leading the OP to seek advice from online users. Here’s what happened and how people responded.

What did the 21-year-old say about her roommate's mother's rules?

In a Reddit post under the 'AmIthe**hole' section, a 21-year-old woman shared her frustrations about having to follow rules set by her roommate's mother in their off-campus apartment. 

She explained, "My roommate, who I'll call Emily, and I (both 21F) are college students, and we live in an off-campus apartment together. We split rent and utilities 50/50. I pay for my part myself, but Emily's parents pay for hers." 

The woman went on to explain that Emily's mother imposed a rule: "No  boyfriends are allowed to sleep over, as it's against her religion. She specifically told Emily to have a talk with me about this subject to tell me this isn't allowed, AFTER we moved in." 

While the OP was not forced to follow these rules by Emily, who didn’t mind them until her parents became involved, she found the situation troubling. "It strikes me the wrong way that Emily's mom feels like she can impose non-negotiable rules on ME when she doesn't pay for any of my part of the bills," she said.

She then revealed that Emily's parents were visiting that day, and she expected her mother to reinforce the rules. The OP asked, "WIBTA if I told her mom that, with all due respect, I am paying my portion of the rent and she doesn't have any control of the things I do in my own apartment?" 

She shared her internal conflict, saying, "On one hand, I feel like I'm justified. This woman is trying to impose her own religious beliefs onto me in an apartment that I pay half of the bills for. The idea of just rolling over and telling her that I'll obey her demands when just doing my own thing behind her back doesn't sit right with me."

The OP also discussed the situation with her own mother, who disagreed with her stance. The post read,  "She thinks that it would be disrespectful. She says that even though I am paying for my half of the rent, Emily's family is still paying for this apartment and they should be able to have a say of what goes on, even if Emily and I just end up breaking those rules anyway."

The OP further clarified that she had already spoken to Emily about the matter, and Emily didn’t mind if she communicated to her mother that she would or would not follow the rules, as long as it wasn't revealed that Emily herself broke them.

Finally, the OP turned to Reddit, asking, "WIBTA if I told my roommate's mom that I won't be following her rules in my apartment?"

What happened after Emily's parents visited her apartment?

The Redditor provided an update about her plans to speak with Emily's parents during their visit to the apartment. 

She began by expressing gratitude for the input she received from Redditors, stating, "I also just wanted to say that after talking to Emily further about this, it turns out that her dad really doesn't care what I do and thinks that his wife's demands are extremely unreasonable."

She continued, "This is why Emily doesn't care if I speak up or not, because I guess that even though her mom is paying the bills, it's her dad who makes the money to support them all." 

She added, "Emily says that her dad would never make her move just because her roommate doesn't follow traditional Christian values, and even though her mom is a bit of a "squeaky wheel" (her words, not mine), her dad makes all of the final decisions here." 

She then shared a quick update, noting, "I'm planning on still addressing it in a respectful way while also making my boundaries clear. I'll do another update tomorrow morning after they leave."

In the final update, the OP shared what transpired between her and Emily’s mom. Before delving into the conversation, she provided some context about the relationship between Emily and her mom, saying they frequently argued about politics. 

During the parents' visit to the apartment, the two were engaged in a political debate, which stopped when the OP entered. 

The Redditor continued, "I sat down and was having a casual discussion with Emily and her parents, and then her mom started saying something about the vaccine. Emily just snapped at her mom, and told her to not bring politics up. " 

She concluded, "Emily's mom was quiet for a minute, and then she brought up the rules. Emily snapped at her mom again, told her that she already talked to me about it, and to just drop it. It wasn't brought up again. And then that was that. We all talked casually about school and work for a little bit and then they packed up and left."

Internet users support 21-year-old as she feels disrupted by friend's mother

After discovering that the 21-year-old's living situation was being disrupted by her friend's mom, many users took to the internet to share their thoughts. 

One user wrote, "NTA, but what would you be accomplishing? I mean, I'm all for standing up for yourself, but this particular battle just seems pointless. I don't see her changing her behavior towards you, and Emily will probably just have to put up with hearing what a horrible roommate she has. I personally wouldn't bother, and save it for when there's actually something worth fighting for." 

The second user commented, "NTA. Invite your BF over while she’s there to establish dominance." 

One Redditor added, "NTA: its your apartment, not your roomate's mother's. That lady has zero say ehatsoever in how you live in your apartment." 

One more user commented, "NTA, but if the mom is a narcissist then your world might explode. How about you arrange to be somewhere else each time the mom visits. That way you never officially hear the conversation." 

The final user added, "NTA She's not your mother and she doesn't pay your bills, you are under no obligation to listen to anything she says. You're both adults so she needs to relax."

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