'AITA for telling my step-siblings that they should stop forcing the LGBTQ community on my brother?'

Family is not only about blood but also about the bonds one chooses to build. But what happens when those bonds are challenged by different perspectives on identity and belonging?

One 18-year-old found himself caught in a family rift when his relationship with his stepbrother came under fire. His story, shared on Reddit under the title 'AITA for telling my step-siblings that they should stop forcing the LGBTQ community on my brother?' has the internet storming to provide advice.

A blended family with divided loyalties

"I (18M) am the only son of my mom (40F). My dad died of cancer when I was 12. My mom remarried when I was 15 to my stepdad (41M)," he began.

With this marriage came a new family dynamic. "My stepdad has three kids: Jace (15M) and James (18M) and Zoe (23F) (fake names). All of them are members of the LGBTQ community. Jace is asexual, James is gay, and Zoe is trans," he said.

Despite the differences in backgrounds, one relationship stood out.

He said, "Out of all the people in the house, I am closest to James. I didn't know him before this, but we started high school together and have been friends since my mom introduced us for the first time. He's honestly my best friend at this point and I consider him to be my brother."

Unfortunately, not everyone in the house agreed with that sentiment. He added, "I have always gotten the feeling that Jace and Zoe don't particularly like me. I have noticed this in our conversations and one time Jace even said that 'I shouldn’t call James my brother because he is not.'"

Despite this, he continued to maintain a strong bond with James.

The source of tension that divides a house

The family had their fair share of struggles even before the step-siblings met.

"For context, my stepdad divorced his ex-wife after Zoe came out to them. She was unable to handle that her daughter was trans and she said that she just wanted a normal family. She is not on speaking terms with her family and has effectively cut them off at this point." As for James, his coming out was met with quiet support. "When James came out, I remember telling him that it’s cool," he said.

Yet, tensions simmered beneath the surface, particularly with Zoe and Jace, who were deeply involved in LGBTQ activism.

The OP said, "Zoe is very vocal about the struggles she faced and she keeps a lot of her meetings at the house. This started to bother me a bit, as there’s always people at the house, and I was already adjusting to living with so many people in the first place. When I asked Zoe about this, she told me I was being 'homophobic' and that she’s been doing it 'long before I came around.' I have since given up on this issue and accepted it for what it is."

Unlike his siblings, James chose not to be involved in LGBTQ activism. "Ever since he came out, he doesn’t feel like involving himself in the community and is generally very shy. Zoe and Jace keep trying to bring him to their meetings/protests/events and he always refuses because he doesn’t want to," he said.

When a plan for college sparks a showdown

The real conflict arose when he and James made a decision about their future. "Yesterday, at dinner, I asked my mom if me and James could move into our old house for college, since we were both going to the same college (we recently got our decisions), and Zoe snapped," he said.

Zoe strongly opposed the idea. The OP said, "She said that she thinks it was a bad idea for James and that he will be completely detached from his family and community. She said that because of me, he has already been suppressing his identity and that I will 'put him back in the closet' after we go to college."

The accusation stung. "I told her that she is crazy and that it was James’s idea in the first place that we go to the same college. James then said that us living together would save us both a lot of money and that he doesn’t really care about all that, and that I have not been making him do anything," he said.

Despite James standing his ground, Zoe remained adamant. "She then starts accusing me, saying stuff like since I don’t care about the LGBTQ community and that I have done nothing to support James when he came out and that’s the reason that he is so closed off," the OP added.

Finally, he had enough. He said, "I told her that she should stop forcing the LGBTQ community on James and should back off since this is not her decision anyway. James also agreed and told his sister to back off."

After the heated argument, he and James discussed the fallout. "I spoke to James and he also told me that his sister was out of line for saying that," he added.

However, their stepdad saw things differently. He wrote, "My stepdad tells me that I was too rude to my stepsister and that I should apologise. I don’t think I should."

He later added an edit, shedding light on why Zoe had such a strong reaction: "She said all this because when James came out, I said I was cool with it and that was the end of it. It wasn’t some torrid emotional experience that happened in her case. We didn’t really discuss it because I thought there is nothing to be discussed."

The Internet reacts: NTA

The post sparked a passionate debate online with several declaring the OP NTA.

One Reddit user chimed in, "NTA. It sounds like Zoe transitioned into a bitch. You and James need to get away from her ASAP."

Another added, "She’s projecting her own struggles onto James and overstepping. Supporting James means respecting his choices—not forcing him into a role he doesn’t want. You’re looking out for your friend and brother, and that’s what really matters here. NTA."

Someone else noted, "NTA but I would be asking your Step dad why it is ok for Zoe to try to bully James into something he is clearly not interested. Why isn't stepdad protecting his son from his daughter? Why is ok for his Daughter to jump to conclusions and blame you for everything but you are the one in trouble for standing up for his son and yourself."

A viewer remarked, "NTA. Not everyone wants activism. Some people just want to be allowed to exist with the same rights and freedoms and respect as everyone else. While it's great that there are people out there who are committed to fighting for those rights and being outspoken about it, not everyone is outspoken or comfortable in those settings. Sounds like that's James and that is 100% OK. OP is supporting him more than his siblings at this point by allowing and accepting him for who he is and not forcing him into something he's not comforatble with."

One comment declared, "NTA. Not everyone makes being LBTQ+ their entire identity, not everyone is an activist or even wants to be one.

Zoe should slow her roll and stop telling another member of her community how to be who he is. Isn't that the respect everyone deserves? It's not "self-hate" to be introverted and uninterested in activism."

Another observed, "NTA. Zealot's are strident & know with absolute authority they are right, their way is the right way/path and others are just ignorant, they need to see the light. It does not matter what the subject is They are right. Your step sibling James has the right attitude for him (his life, his decision). I have never understood why its expected that Gay/lesbian people have to come out, I never had to gather my courage, family & friends & tell them I'm a heterosexual, I never thought it was any of their business ( much to the disappointment of my aunts, they wanted a gay/lesbian relative), Just like its none of my business who someone else is attracted to/loves, my only criteria is consent from both parties involved."

As one person explained, "Sister seems self important and self righteous. Too self involved and pushing her beliefs on others. Idealists are tough to be around. Nta. Move out."