'AITA for telling my wife to leave because I refused to kick my older children out?'

A man recently turned to Reddit's "Am I The A*****e" (AITA) forum to ask if he was wrong for telling his wife she could leave because he refused to ask his older children to move out.

The post has garnered significant attention, receiving over 6.5k likes and about 2.5k comments, with Reddit users weighing in on whether the man was wrong for not prioritizing his wife’s request or if he was justified in choosing to keep his adult children in the home.

Husband tells wife to leave over disagreement about older children living at home

In the post titled "AITA for telling my wife she can leave because I’m not kicking my older kids out?" OP (original poster) shared the challenges of blending families saying, "I have been with to my current wife Amanda for the past six years and we have two daughters (Becca  and Eliza ) together while I have 2 kids from my previous marriage Liam and Sage. The divorce was less than amicable and since my ex wife had more money and a better paying job she was awarded primary custody despite me fighting it. For the last 8 years I’ve had my older kids every other weekend and on Wednesdays."

Things took a turn a few weeks ago when Liam and Sage asked if they could live with OP full-time because of issues with their stepdad.

"Liam especially had come to blows with him a few times and even their mother thought it would be for the best. I did talk to my wife about it and I know she wasn’t happy as she feels uncomfortable around my older kids, although this is something she neglected to tell me until we had our first child together."

While OP tried to keep the peace, Amanda’s discomfort around the older children became more pronounced.

The OP shared, "Things since Liam and Sage moved in have been hard and as much as I’d love to get some family therapy my wife is against it and we’re on a waiting list. Before when my kids would come over my wife would take our daughters to her parents a lot to ‘give us space’ even though I never asked for it."

"Now don’t get me wrong, I’m sure being a stepparent is difficult but my kids are really good kids. They have straight As, lots of friends, play sports, and are incredibly respectful. I know I’m biased but people go out of their way to tell me these things! So it has been terrible watching Amanda nitpick everything they do."

This escalated further when Becca, who was going through a biting phase, caused a situation where Sage accidentally hit her.

"So obviously the house is tense and we’ve all been walking on eggshells. Then yesterday morning when I was making us some breakfast we heard a scream and Becca came into the kitchen crying and saying that Sage hit her. Amanda ran into the den where Liam and Sage were and started screaming at them to leave. She was obviously pissed but Sage told her she was sorry, she had been done with the tv so had changed it to one of the girls’ shows and Becca got excited and bit her. She said she didn’t mean to slap her and felt bad. I immediately calmed down because I think anyone has been there but Amanda didn’t believe her. Sage had a bite mark for gods sake."

OP felt it was an accident and tried to calm things down, but Amanda insisted that Sage no longer be allowed around the family, threatening to call the police. She then took the younger children to her mother’s house.

After a day of tension, OP told his wife that the older children's home was with him and if she wasn’t comfortable, she could leave. OP admitted that he was frustrated and didn’t want to give up on his children, who he described as well-behaved, respectful, and excelling in school.

"Amanda has been on one saying I needed to pack their things and send them back to my ex-wife’s permanently. I can’t keep dealing with this BS. I told her this morning that it was an accident and she needed to let it go but she’s refusing, even threatening to call the police (?). She said she could never be comfortable with her babies around Sage anymore and that she didn’t feel safe. I laughed because Amanda herself once hit Becca for biting her! She ended up taking the girls to her moms and I told my kids to come back. Amanda has been texting me that she’ll be back tomorrow and the kids needed to be gone. I was ignoring her but finally said this was their home and if she was comfortable she could pack up and leave."

OP explained, "My parents came over and basically told me I wasn’t wrong but shouldn’t have said she should leave. I know there are some things you can take back but at this point I almost mean it. I would hate to deal with another divorce but Amanda has been so terrible to my older kids the past few weeks I honestly feel like she’s become a different person."

Man sparks debate for telling wife to leave instead of kicking out his older children

One user wrote, “I get the feeling that your wife was expecting you'd move on from your older kids once you and she had your children together. That they would be your new family and you'd just forget the first one. If she'd succeeded you would have become the divorced dad trope that I LOATHE reading about on Reddit. She underestimated your commitment to your children, she expected you to choose her. It's important to show all four of your kids that they'll be in your top priorities always. NTA, sounds like you're doing it right!"

Another user wrote, "I agree but I am not a family counselor. Personally I would be unable to live with a “wife” and “stepmom” that cannot love my children, especially when they are well behaved."

Another said, "You’re going to have to choose between her and them because that what she wants you to do. But she’s going to be so upset when she’s not the one you pick. Protect your kids. I wouldn’t let her near them anymore."

"This. Coming from someone who works in social services, she is emotionally abusing OP's children. He must protect his children from her. She needs to take a step back and get a reality check and she needs to know what she is doing is very wrong. If anyone needs therapy, it's her," a user said.

Another commented, "This is what I think too. I think she's a danger to those kids. Who knows what kind of lie she'd tell to try and get rid of them."

One user commented, "You’re a good parent. Be proud of that. I bet your kids feel like they can call you if they’re in a sketchy situation for your help. I was drugged once at a party when I was 17, and felt safe enough to call my mom who came and got me immediately. Knowing that my parents have my back, no matter what, is priceless."

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