'AITA for walking out of a party after my date refused to get me water?'

In relationships, fairness and empathy are key, especially when it comes to effort and consideration. But what happens when one partner dismisses those expectations? A Reddit user recently shared a frustrating experience where her request for a simple act of kindness, asking her date to grab her a glass of water, was met with refusal and a dismissive comment.

The original poster (OP) took to Reddit's "Am I The A**hole" (AITA) forum to describe the events leading up to the incident, detailing how she had put significant effort into preparing for a holiday-themed party. She reflected on her feelings of disappointment when her date’s response lacked empathy, leaving her feeling disrespected and unheard despite her efforts.

Redditor details her date's dismissive behavior

In a Reddit post titled "AITA for leaving a party because my date refused to get me water," a user called Important-Pianist783 described an incident with her date.

The relationship started through mutual friends, and they had a good time together. The OP mentioned how she contributed to the group dynamic whenever her date invited her to events. "When he invited me to events with his friends, I’d contribute to the group dynamic by never showing up empty handed and offering to grab drinks for others", she said.

The OP then described a recent "holiday-themed party," explaining, "My date and I planned to meet there and hang out afterward. I spent the day cleaning my condo and preparing mulled wine to bring. During the party, people were getting drinks for one another, including me when I served the wine." 

At the party, everyone was getting drinks for one another, including the OP, who served the wine. However, she felt disappointed when her date refused to grab her a glass of water while she was tired.

The OP shared, “I asked my date if he could grab me a glass of water. He shook his head and after I said 'huh' he said, 'No. I was just up, and you could’ve asked before I sat down again.' I was taken aback because I view small gestures, like grabbing water, as basic acts of care for friends, but especially for someone you’re dating.”

The OP explained how the situation left her feeling drained. “That moment, combined with a long day of preparation, left me feeling drained. Since the party was winding down and I didn’t have the energy to engage further, I said my goodbyes and called a ride. My date offered to walk me out and said he felt hurt that I was leaving. I explained I needed to recharge but that he was welcome to come over after the party.”

As they walked out, the OP jokingly mentioned how surprised she was that he hadn’t gotten them water. In response, he said, “Wow, that really upset you, huh? I have to be guarded about these things, you know.” 

The post continued, "Later, we texted, but he seemed more upset about me leaving than interested in listening to why I felt drained. When I tried to call, he didn’t answer. His texts were curt, and I eventually told him I’d let him decompress. Two days later, I called to discuss what happened."

"A month later, we finally had a conversation. He explained that getting me water felt “subservient” and was something I had to earn through time and “being in the trenches with him.” He also said I didn’t understand how busy his life was (for context, I work multiple jobs). I calmly explained that grabbing water for someone isn’t about being subservient but a small act of kindness," the OP further said.

She concluded the post by saying, “After reflecting, I feel his responses and handling of the situation were disrespectful and indicative of bigger issues. So, is there an a**hole here? I appreciate the perspective.”

Redditors back woman who left party after her date refused to get her water

After hearing the Redditor's concerns about her date's disrespectful responses, many fellow users supported her and asked her to "let him go." 

One user said, "As soon as I read the word subservient I knew OP had dodged a bullet too. I have to earn your grabbing me water when I can't easily get it myself? WATER???? Count yourself lucky OP. Do not be this guy's doormat. NTA" 

Another shared, "NTA and his use of the word subservient and his need to have his ego stroked for “being so busy“ make me wonder if he’s the worst kind of chauvinist. Just let him go. Not worth it." 

One Redditor commented, "NTA. Making mulled wine for a holiday themed party with his friends is such an awesome gift. I would bend over backwards for any guest who brought such a treat. I echo most everyone’s comments here that he is probably listening to red pill stuff on the Internet and not really realizing that relationships are reciprocal." 

Another commented, "NTA I never say this, but so very many red flags. Run. Him describing being asked to get water for you as being forced to be subservient, I’m assuming he actually means emasculated and if that’s the case, can you imagine what he’ll be like when you actually get to know each other? Run." 

Another added, "NTA like at ALL. The fact that he thinks gettin u water is “subservient” is a HUGE red flag. It shows he has a rlly messed up view on relationships and basic respect. And then to say u have to “earn” it by being “in the trenches” with him? Like, wtf does that even mean? He sounds exhausting and immature, u def dodged a bullet. I wudnt waste any more time on someone who makes such simple acts of kindness into some weird power play."

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