'AITA for wanting to break up with my boyfriend of 6 years even though he might propose soon?'

A relationship is destined for doom if the partners are not on the same page. But what could have inspired a woman to contemplate breaking up with her boyfriend of almost six years, knowing that he might propose?

The original poster (OP), a 23-year-old female, took to the "Am I The A**hole" (AITA) subsection of Reddit to narrate her story in a post titled “AITA for wanting to leave my boyfriend of 6 years, knowing he may be proposing soon?”

Claiming that she is “stressed and heartbroken” by her boyfriend’s recent behavior, the woman shared that trouble in her relationship started brewing when COVID-19 started in 2020.

Redditor shares she wants to break up with her boyfriend

Taking to Reddit, the OP wrote that she has been dating her boyfriend, a 25-year-old male, for six years since they started dating in her freshman year of college in 2017. 

“Everything was going really well, and everything just fell into place. It just felt right … untiiiil the pandemic hit in 2020, and we all got sent home to finish college virtually during my senior year,” she continued, before noting that they “have been in a long-distance relationship since” as she “began attending graduate school for speech therapy.”

She shared that to save money, she started living with her parents as did her boyfriend. “When the long distance began, my only ask of him was that we be married when I graduate in August 2023,” as she claimed that in their family, it was important to get married before living together. 

“He saw this as reasonable and claimed it was something he really wanted. Then we could get married and get a place together once I’m done with school,” shared the OP. 

However, when she penned the post, she wrote that her boyfriend “still hasn’t proposed yet, like we had agreed.”

“He expressed that he was planning on talking to my parents to get their blessing before planning the proposal. He initiated a conversation with my parents about next steps in November 2022, and hasn’t said anything up until last week (he’s been at my house 3 times and never sought after opportunities to say something),” added the woman, before noting, “He’s putting it off and there’s only one reason why he would.”

“It would be one thing if he had expressed that he wasn’t ready for marriage, whether that be not being emotionally ready or financially ready. But he’s been talking a lot about engagement for the last two years, getting my hopes up, and then nothing happens,” she continued.

Nevertheless, she added that the man is “an only child, with a mom who has a meltdown when the idea of marriage/moving out is even mentioned.”

“She’s been an issue throughout our entire relationship, because she is constantly trying to create division between us, whether that is talking shit about him to me, or vice versa,” she added, before continuing, “He has now begun expressing fears of leaving his parents when he is the only one there to take care of them, and he is afraid of what they’ll think of him if he leaves for a career opportunity, or for me who is seeking career opportunities in speech therapy in various locations.”

She added that when he talked to her parents, he told them “he was planning on proposing this summer.”

Nevertheless, he accepted “that he was afraid of commitment and sacrifice.”

“My dad asked him what he meant, to which he responded “Well I like my ‘me time’ and my space to play video games and watch sporting events, which my parents give me. I’m scared to give that up for a wife or to help with kids,”” quoted the author before saying that it “broke her.”

She also added that the man with whom she fell in love with was never like this, before adding, “He would have NEVER said anything like this before moving back home with his parents.”

“He’s extremely comfortable with his life and doesn’t want to change it. But I want to change mine,” stated the OP, before adding, “I want to move out and get an amazing speech therapy career opportunity when August rolls around. I want to get married and have kids. This was something I had wanted to do with him, but with his unsupportive parents and some of the concerns he’s expressing to everyone but me, I’m really scared to proceed with him, and include him in things such as apartment or job hunting.”

The OP shared that while she is trying to be optimistic, she is “stuck at a crossroads instead” due to her boyfriend's behavior, noting that she was “incredibly stressed and heartbroken.”

“This is supposed to be an exciting time, but is just dreadful because of all of this. Any thoughts? Please be brutally honest, especially if I could have proceeded differently with this,” the OP asked.

She also explained later, “The main issue isn’t that he hasn’t proposed, if he had concerns about a marriage or wasn’t ready he needs to tell me. But he either hasn’t told me or whenever I have asked he brushes it off and says he wants to marry me. My main issue is his consistency. He says one thing but doesn’t demonstrate it through actions. I’ve had conversations with him about this and he just says he’ll try to do better.”

The OP added that she has also tried to take an interest in his pursuits to understand him better. 

Redditors support OP and tell her that she 'deserves better'

The netizens were empathetic toward the OP's predicament in her relationship and advised her to rethink the relationship. Some of them even said that she deserves better as she is still very young and deserves to live her life. 

One of the social media users said on Reddit, "He doesn’t sound ready, the reason doesn’t really matter. I think the real problem is that he isn’t communicating this and that shows he is definitely not mature enough to be married. If you are having any doubts at all, don’t accept a proposal from him. If you want to try and see how things go, do your own apartment and stuff and see if the relationship lasts. Honestly you’re too young to tie yourself down to someone who doesn’t want to be an adult."

"It sounds like you are wasting your time on this guy. Break up with him and move on. Let him stay living with his parents with his “me” time," said someone else. 

Another user noted, "NTA. The man isn’t ready, plain and simple. Not to mention that his mother wants to be the second spouse. It hurts, I know it does, but you deserve better. You’re still so young, and you have so much time. Go out and live your life!"

"You and boyfriend don't want the same things, and you can't even have an honest and open discussion about when or if to get married. It's time to break up," chimed in someone else. 

Another Redditor explained, "You don't want to hear this, but if a man wants to marry you, he would've known already and he would've proposed. He doesn't want to marry you. He is happy living his life as a man baby being catered by his mother in his parents' house. When he went back there he regressed to being the teenager who never left, and only him moving out and away might change that."

"NTA. You are only 23. You have plenty of time. But you will be TA if you waste your youth on a man who doesn't choose you to his mother," they added.

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