'AITA for wanting to divorce my sick wife of 16 years because I feel 'perpetually tired' and alone?'

The wedding vow to support one’s spouse “in good times and in bad, and in sickness and in health” is as old as the day, but what makes a man think otherwise?

A 41-year-old social media user shared his side of the story when he opened up in the 'AITA' section of Reddit regarding his strained dynamics with his ailing wife, 40, who is suffering from an unknown illness for the “last handful of years.”

The author has been married to his wife of 16 years, but is recently having thoughts of divorcing her after her health started declining and she has refused to sort the ailments out.

Redditor describes marital woes after his wife’s health started declining

The author did not mince his words when he started his post with the direct yet impactful question, “Am I wrong for considering a divorce from my sick spouse?”

Later, he went on to describe his situation, saying that he has been married to his wife “for 16 years and have two wonderful children” whom he adores. 

However, his marital woes started when his wife’s battle with “unknown health issues” eclipsed their life. 

“I've been struggling for the last handful of years because my wife has been battling unknown health issues that have made her participate less and less in the family,” wrote the Redditor before explaining, “She's typically in bed for 12 hours out of the day, and usually only goes to sleep late (3am).”

The Redditor went on to say, “She experiences frequent migraines and various inflammation-related issues and is taking medication for depression.”

Nevertheless, the author shared that he has been supporting his wife for years, writing, “I've tried to do what I can to support her by researching doctors and treatments to explore. I've recommended she also try therapy since I know she has some family issues in her past she hasn't sorted out yet (she has declined/not moved forward).”

“She takes some steps to try to make progress,” wrote the Redditor before noting, “but those steps are few and far in-between and usually at my prompting.”

While he accepted that “she is frustrated by having tests come back as normal,” he continued, “I also worry she doesn't properly manage her pain. She doesn't explore the migraine pain medications to alleviate the symptoms that plague her.”

Years of unidentified medical issues, subsequently, put a strain in their relationship, as the man wrote, “All this has translated into years of me having to bear most of the burden of keeping the family running.”

“Fixing/maintaining the house, doing vast majority of the household chores, and spending quality time with the kids on the weekend and planning family events. I work in a high-stress job and I'm the sole breadwinner for the family,” explained the author, before noting, “Our sex life has been non-existent for over five years.”

Moreover, he shared that whenever she is awake, “she's usually sedentary and watching movies by herself.”

Since she is “able to drive the kids to and from school and after-school activities and occasionally has the ability to do some of the dishes,” the author said she “does contribute somewhat.”

He reasoned against his divorce wish, saying, “There is a part of me that wants to persevere and stand by her because she is the mother of our children and there is still love between us, however faint.”

The man, however, noted that gradually he has started wanting more as he wants a partner who would want to go to dinner with him, adding, “someone who supports me when I am having a bad day, someone who is awake for breakfast and wants to talk to me…someone who can help shoulder the burdens of life.”

He also confessed, “Right now I feel perpetually tired, alone, and starved for any type of affection. I've told her what I need, but I feel those hard conversations only put more stress on her and nothing really changes.”

He admitted, “If I get a divorce it would be very hard on my children, decimate the finances I've labored for so many years to establish, and honestly I don't know how she would manage on her own,” the author noted, adding “But if I stay, I worry I won't be able to find a way to be happy again.”

With this, he made his case to the online users and sought help from the social media users, asking, “Am I wrong even thinking about divorce, especially since I know she's battling these unknown health issues?”

Internet is divided with the man's predicament

The Internet carefully considered the man's situation, but was left divided in opinion. While some social media users agreed with the man, some even pointed out that statistically male spouses tend to leave sick female spouses more in such situations.

A social media user said, "You would be wrong if you don’t tell her it’s coming to this."

"I mean, I find it a bit wrong, if only because it’s falls so firmly into the “men leave women when they’re sick” statistic. There’s a whole subsection of counseling for women who get diagnosed with cancer to be prepared that their husbands might leave them. Obviously this isn’t cancer, but it’s certainly depressing to see a post that lines up so well there," added another.

One noted, "The difference between this and cancer is that you know there's an end in sight… either recovery or death. That’s what makes leaving particularly heinous. They’re ditching their partner during the worst year or two of their lives, significantly impacting their rate of survival, and potentially leaving them to die alone.

In OP's case, they don’t know what’s wrong, she’s actively given up on finding a solution, and choosing to live in the periphery of his life, which is leaving him in a limbo of sorts. He doesn’t have a partner, and morally can’t find himself a new one."

"If the situation was reversed, would you want her to stay by your side and support you? I'm just curious," shared someone else.

Another user pointed out, "I read an article about this. Statistically, most men will leave a sick spouse and most women will stay."

This article contains remarks made on the Internet by individual people and organizations. MEAWW cannot confirm them independently and does not support claims or opinions being made online