'AITA if I move out of our apartment knowing my fiance and his mom can't afford it without me?'

Moving out of an apartment is never an easy decision, especially when it means leaving behind financial burdens for others. 

That’s the dilemma one woman found herself in when her relationship took an unexpected turn that made her turn to Reddit's 'Am I the A**hole' forum for the answer to: "WIBTA If I move out of our apartment knowing my fiance and his mom can't afford it without me?"

Fiance's mother's influence threatens relationship even after years of living together

The OP began her post, "Me (F29) and my (ex?)-fiance (M27) have been living together for about 1.5 years."

It all seemed perfect at first, as OP mentioned, "Fiance got his undergraduate degree, worked for a couple years and then decided to get an MBA which is how he ended up in our city."

But when his mother entered the picture, things began to unravel.

"We moved in together after he finished his MBA program. Fiance is from the mid-west and his mom has always wanted him to move back. When he told her he was staying here she was heartbroken," the OP said.

Instead of accepting his decision, she decided to move to be closer to him.

The OP then mentions more details, "I went to college and got my degree in a STEM field. After I graduated, I got a job with my current company and moved to the city where we currently live. It's a big international company with multiple locations in the US and international."

"I love my job, I like the company I work for, and the pay is pretty good. All in all, a pretty good deal. During covid my office shut down and we all went WFH. After covid they decided not to reopen this office so I've been 100% WFH since early 2020. I currently make considerably more than him - mainly because I've been working for 7 years and I'm in tech," she said.

The OP described moving from a one-bedroom apartment where they used their living room as an office to a two-bedroom apartment with a designated office. She paid two-thirds of the rent while her partner paid one-third, but they split all other expenses equally.

Woman becomes hostage in her own home

"So the problem started this past May. Fiance's mom told him she wanted to move to our city to be closer to him. She asked if she could stay with us while she looked for a job and got settled," the OP said.

What was supposed to be a short-term stay turned into six months of frustration.

At first, she was accommodating. "Since I thought it would only be for a couple months, I moved my office into a corner of our bedroom and fiance bought a bed to put in the 2nd bedroom," she said.

But as the weeks turned into months, she mentioned the problem was her fiance's mom "never applied for any teaching positions and has been living with" them "for 6 months now."

The OP's frustrations were evident: "She and I have really been struggling with each other since she moved in." Not only did her fiancé’s mother refuse to respect boundaries, but she also seemed to have an outdated view of gender roles.

"She has pretty outdated views of gender roles and is constantly giving me a hard time for not doing more around the house and making Fiance help with chores, do his own laundry, etc. She constantly interrupts while I'm working, which is bad enough but she even interrupts when I'm on Teams calls," she said.

The situation was becoming unbearable, yet her fiance remained passive. She said, "Every time I complain about her or the situation he says he agrees but doesn't know what to do because he can't kick out his mom."

OP recalls 'mentally exhausting' and 'financially unfair' arrangement

The arrangement wasn’t just mentally exhausting - it was also financially unfair. "Back in September I told my Fiance that since it looks like his mom is going to stay awhile we should split the rent 3 ways," the OP said.

But when he refused, citing his mother’s lack of funds, OP found herself footing the bill for an apartment she wasn’t fully able to use.

She said, "I told him I wasn't happy paying extra for a bedroom I can't use so finally he said we could do a 50/50 split."

While she could afford it, it didn't sit right with her. "I could afford to pay the extra, but I hate the idea of funding her lifestyle," she said.

OP realized that if she stayed, nothing would change, "When I ask what the long-term plan is, he just says he doesn't know."

With no plan in place and no boundaries set, she started considering an escape route.

"So one of my girl friends is losing her roommate the end of February. Our lease renews June 1st. I'm very strongly considering moving out of our current apartment and moving in with her," she said.

Her financial situation allowed her to afford both her share of the current lease and rent at her friend’s place, though, she said, "It's not ideal but I'm not a big spender so it's doable."

The real issue was whether or not she would be the villain for leaving her fiance and his mother unable to afford their apartment. "If he and his mom aren't able to pay for 1/3 the rent each, there is no way they could cover the whole thing on their own. But I can't live like this anymore, so I'm pretty sure this is what I'll do but I wanted to see if people thought I'd be the AH for leaving them like this," she said.

The Internet declared: NTA

The Internet largely sided with the original poster, calling out her fiance and his mom, with one Reddit user highlighting the potential long-term issues of being stuck in a relationship with a "momma's boy."

One Reddit user wrote, "NTA. His mom is the biggest A because she specifically planned this. It isn’t that she’s had bad luck: she didn’t even apply! Add in that she didn’t respect your work place and insults you. She’s basically trying to be the matriarch of the house, while being a complete mooch. The biggest problem is your fiancé though. This is just a glimpse of your future with a momma’s boy. He’s made it clear that he’s ok with her walking all over you, and she’s not leaving. You’re going to end up as a third wheel in your own marriage. 🚩🚩🚩"

Another added, "I agree. His mom is taking advantage, and your fiancé isn't setting boundaries. It's a big concern for the future. You deserve better. NTA."

Someone else noted, "NTA. Your fiancé chose his mom’s comfort over your sanity and now expects you to bankroll their situation. You've already sacrificed your workspace and peace—why should you keep footing the bill too? Move out and reclaim your life before this turns into a permanent nightmare."

A viewer remarked, "50/50? He’s using the spare room, by your logic he should be paying 2/3 of the rent. This is just taking advantage."

One comment declared, "Protect your peace. Your (ex?) fiancé is a doormat. Your potential MIL is never leaving."

Another observed, "NTA. However, if they can’t pay the rent. It is your credit that will be fucked. Maybe your EX and mommy can share a bedroom and they could get a roommate for the second bedroom. While you are waiting. Stop doing anything for mommy. You are not her employee. If she doesn’t like driving in your city. She can get a bus pass. Also, keep your bedroom door locked while you are working."

As one person explained, "NTA. You've voiced your concerns/issues and he's done nothing. Pack up, leave asap, and don't marry this person."