AITA: Internet backs daughter as she refuses to let cancer-stricken mother come and stay with her

A post by a 27-year-old woman on Reddit's Am I the A**hole (AITA) forum has ignited considerable debate after she disclosed that she refused to let her mother, who has cancer, to live with her.

The post detailed the woman's challenging relationship with her mother and the enduring difficulties that culminated in her decision.

Reddit user opens up about complex relationship with mother

The Reddit user detailed her complex relationship with her mother, explaining that she and her brother had taken on household responsibilities from a young age after their mother ceased maintaining the home once they were capable.

“We had to do everything in the house by age of 10,” the user described a situation where the mother failed to fulfill her responsibilities, resulting in the children taking on tasks such as cooking, cleaning, and doing laundry.

As they matured, the children began to contribute financially as well, covering many of the household expenses.

The user detailed her mother's detrimental habits, such as heavy smoking and disregarding her diabetes, which have exacerbated her persistent health issues. Even with guidance from doctors and pleas from relatives, the mother has remained adamant in altering her way of life.

“She does things that are very detrimental to her health, like smoking 3 packs of cigarettes per day and not taking care of her diabetes,” the post stated.

After attending college and moving out, the user came back home for the summer, yet the living conditions continued to be challenging. “It was unbearable. I did everything. She was so hard to live with. She was so loud without a care of anyone in the house,” the user explained.

Consequently, she left the house again and distanced herself from her mother.

Reddit user explains tough decision to decline mother’s request to move in after cancer diagnosis

As time passed, the mother's health progressively worsened, rendering her unable to maintain employment. The user detailed the impact of her mother's health complications on her financial stability, which necessitated the children's financial support. Nevertheless, the mother failed to take charge of her health, resulting in further decline.

Now, faced with her mother's cancer diagnosis, the user's mother requested to move in with her. However, the woman made the difficult decision to decline.

OP said, "Now she has cancer very likely due to her choices. She can’t work. She needs a place to go. She asked my brother, he said no because he has a baby. So she asked me, and I said no."

She explained, "If I say yes, it will affect my partner I own a house with. We have 2 bedrooms but no space for her. It would be miserable for both of us. But I also know she won’t change. And if she goes into remission, she still won’t leave. Taking her in now means taking her in for life and I am not ok with that."

Following her decision, the user faced criticism from her family, who accused her of being "heartless and abandoning" her mother.

The user conveyed that residing with her mother had consistently been challenging and had negatively impacted her mental well-being. "Living with her after I left for college was a major burden on my mental health," she stated.

The 27-year-old went on to say, "If I take her in, she will never leave. And I don’t want to have to evict my mom. She won’t take any steps to help herself, even when we do most of the work. She will never support herself again because she knows someone else will do it."

Reddit users rally behind woman’s decision, advising her to prioritize mental health 

The post has garnered extensive support online, with numerous Reddit users endorsing the daughter's choice to prioritize her own well-being.

A user suggested that the family who criticized the 27-year-old could take the mother in, "Perfect. Volunteers! Tell them that you think it’s wonderfully kind of them to take her in and you can’t wait to tell her since she will be so happy. NTA for recognizing what you can handle and accepting reality instead of deluding yourself."

Another explained, "NTA - Tell any family who suggests you are abandoning your mom that they are welcome to take her in. I’ve heard that being a care-giver is one of the hardest jobs out there. It is emotionally draining and physically exhausting, you’d probably have to quit your job."

They went on to say, "If you’re not emotionally in it you won’t be a good care giver to your mom, and you’d be an AH to yourself and partner. It is okay to prioritize your mental health."

Another added, "Nta. Never set yourself on fire to keep someone else warm."

"NTA you're smart and right. If you take her now, she will never leave one way or another. And, you're not required to take her in. Call her insurance and see about some home health aids," wrote a user.

A person said, "NTA. You reap what you sow. She can go to the relatives who are bashing you for not taking her in. If you had an actual relationship with her it might be different. Sounds like she was a lazy mom who used her kids to the point where you kinda hate her and now she wants you to do it all again. Nope!"

Another chimed in, "NTA & unfortunately that's a mindset you need to lose. She did the bare minimum. You are who you are despite her, you owe her nothing."

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