AITA: Internet divided as woman fails to include step grandchild in her grandmother's obituary

Grandparents are an integral part of a family who hold the connection together among the members. But when a grandparent dies, things change within the families, at times, for not the usual reasons one may think of.

Recently, a 19-year-old woman on Reddit's "Am I the A*****" forum shared an incident where she forgot to include a step-grandchild on her grandmother's obituary and was ripped for it by her aunt.

Woman misses including step 'grandchild' in grandmother's obituary

The woman posted about the incident on Reddit. She said that her maternal grandmother, who had been living with her family for the past 10 years, had died. She also said that it was not unexpected as she was 97 and had been declining in mental and physical health.

She continued, "In order to help my parents, especially my mother (F50ish), I offered to help sort out some of the obituary type stuff at the funeral home, who arranges this neat little website obituary thing. I arranged for in lieu of flowers to donate to an animal shelter where we got our cat who kept her company, and wrote the standard stuff in the obituary about the family."

She went on to explain about her family and said that her grandfather had already died and also her grandmother’s sister. She added that she had two children, her mother and her mother's brother (M55ish).

"So I included that she was survived by my uncle and his wife (F55ish), their two biological kids together/my cousins (M25ish and F23ish), as well as my mother and my father, and my sister (F10ish) and I", she continued.

She went on to mention that she is not super close with this side of the family as they live two states away, and both of their children are in their mid-twenties, so they didn’t grow up together.

However, she added that her aunt (related by marriage) has another child (M40ish) from a previous marriage. She has never met him but her mother met him once, and added that she doesn't think her grandmother has ever met him.

"I understand there was some abuse that precipitated my aunt leaving the marriage that produced the child, but I am not certain of the details," she wrote.

She also added, "Unlike my cousins, he never sent birthday or christmas cards to my grandmother or my family, never called her, has a different last name, has not lived with them since before I was born, and no one outside of my mother has actually met him."

She said that her grandmother never mentioned him in her will as a grandchild, and never mentioned him while she was alive, nor did the woman ever actually hear about him other than a vague knowledge of his existence.

She wrote that she didn’t include him in the list of grandchildren because it didn’t even cross her mind. She admitted that she fully understands family isn’t just blood, but there was nothing to particularly indicate he was interested in being family.

Woman's aunt slams her for not including step 'grandchild' in obituary

The woman wrote in the post that her aunt called her raving mad, called her some names, and told her she needed to include him. The woman said no because her grandmother didn’t seem to consider him a grandchild, so she didn’t see it necessary to add it to the obituary. She added that she didn’t even know his name.

She concluded the post and wrote, "So, am I the a*****e for not including him? He never called me himself, nor did anyone but my aunt seem to particularly care, and I think I’m in the clear, but maybe I’m missing something."

Internet shares mixed reactions on woman's post

People on the internet stayed divided and had mixed reactions after the woman on Reddit revealed that she forgot to include a step-grandchild in her grandmother's obituary and was ripped for it by her aunt.

A user commented on the post, "NTA yes the kid is family, but if they weren't emotionally attached to your grandmother, then the fact that they're a "step" doesn't change whether or not you include them. You don't. They aren't the closest or direct family member. They don't get included."

Another person added, "NTA for not originally adding him. Maybe just add “all other relatives”?"

A user also wrote, "You’re NTA for initially not including them, but can become one depending on how you proceed. Have you spoken to your other cousins or your mom to understand this cousin’s relationship with your grandmother? Just because you don’t know them isn’t really relevant here since you are writing an obituary on behalf of your grandma and the life she led."

A person also mentioned, "YTA, I get that this could have been an oversight but once it was pointed out your reaction was uncalled for."

A user further wrote, "Obituaries and funerals are not for the deceased, they are for the living. Acknowledgement of family members far and wide is part of that. I have even seen long time friends called out in the survived by section. Your aunt feels slighted and left out in a deeply emotional situation."

This article contains remarks made on the Internet by individual people and organizations. MEAWW cannot confirm them independently and does not support claims or opinions being made online.