AITA: Internet labels man 'dumb' for proposing to GF who refused to contribute for 'proposal trip'

While marriage is a celebration of love and mutual respect, it is undeniable that finances often play a huge role in building a successful relationship. 

However, when it comes to the question of upholding one’s financial agreement to “chip in” a certain amount of money for a trip, the sudden unwillingness to contribute by one party may cause an unwanted tussle in the relationship. 

Something similar happened to a Redditor - a 30-year-old male - who was relying on his girlfriend to contribute $500 for a skiing trip. But when his 28-year-old girlfriend came to know that the trip was a proposal trip, she refused to contribute as she wanted it to be “about the proposal and would make her feel it’s more about her.”

Redditor asks girlfriend to 'chip in' for proposal trip

"So to sum things up I am planning on proposing to my girlfriend of almost 2 years during a ski trip I have planned,” started the author in his Reddit post, narrating the situation with his girlfriend. 

He continued, “I’ve sent hints that this will be the trip I end up proposing to her on. Before finding out that I might propose to her on this trip she agreed to put up $500 on her end towards the trip and I cover everything else.”

The man further added that even though his girlfriend has the capability, she doesn’t work full time by choice. “She isn’t in the greatest financial place right now even though she has the potential and capability to make more than she’s making now,” shared the author before adding, “She works part time by choice.”

The Redditor noted that without his girlfriend’s contribution, the trip would cost him about $2K, which, though bearable for him, would add extra burden to his already existing expenses. 

“The trip will end up costing me around $1500 if she puts up $500 so $2K total. I have a good job, but I also have a lot of responsibilities like my mortgage, bills, etc, as well as me lending her around $5k-$6K for various bills she has not been able to cover throughout the time we’ve been together,” shared the author. He further reminded the readers, “She still owes me this money.”

While initially, his girlfriend agreed to contribute $500, she backed out upon learning the trip would be a proposal trip. 

“After she found this will be a trip for me to propose on she is saying I should fund 100% of the trip since it is more about the proposal and would make her feel it’s more about her,” noted the Redditor, and asked, “Is this the norm?”

He further noted that while he used to go on such trips at least once a year, he has “been withholding the kinds of trips” because he “ended up having to cover the majority of the costs and it ends up being too expensive” for him. 

He continued, “I used to go skiing yearly before I met her and it was already expensive to do that solo let alone cover 2 people.”

He ends his long post by asking his fellow Redditors, “I’d love for her to come experience it with me and it’d be a beautiful place to ask her to be my wife, but AITA for asking her to still chip in?”

He also added a summary later, writing, “TLDR; My (30m) girlfriend (28f) agreed to put up $500 for a ski trip we’d both be going on while I cover the rest of the costs (about $1500). After learning this trip was for me to propose to her on, she now wants to withdraw her $500 because she says she shouldn’t be paying for her proposal trip. I still asked her to chip in regardless. AITA?”

Redditors urge OP to reflect on his relationship

Judging the situation, the netizens were divided in their opinions. While a group of Redditors declared the OP to be NTA, they called him "dumb" to enter into an engagement without proper financial discussion. Some, however, declared 'ESH' (Everybody sucks here) as they judged the situation. 

One of the Redditors declared, "NTA for expecting her to hold up her end of the deal." However, they also added as a cautionary measure, "Dude, do you want to do this the rest of your life? She chooses to work part time even though her money is tight. Once yall are married will she choose to not work at all? Will she expect you to fund everything because you're the man and it's your job? I feel like you need to have a come to Jesus with her about her goals, and what the dynamic will look like once yall are married. It seems like she is leaning on you pretty hard already."

Someone else cleared the OP of the AH charges while suggesting communicating about finances is important. "You're not the AH. You agreed on a $500 contribution, and it's fair for you to expect her to stick to that. Given your financial responsibilities, asking her to chip in makes sense. Her request for you to cover everything isn’t unreasonable, but it’s important to communicate your financial situation," shared the source.

"Your girlfriend is almost 30, works part time by choice, owes you thousands of dollars and you’re making plans to wife it up? I don’t think YTA, maybe dumb tho," shared someone else.

Another Redditor added, "Seeing some red flags here, make sure you don’t end up a walking ATM."

Someone added, "Welcome to the rest of your life with this woman. She works part time by choice. She owes you $6000. When she found out the trip was to include your proposal, she decided you had to pay for it all. Do you not see the red flags? You are NTA, but you will be to yourself if you don't have a "life together financial discussion" prior to the proposal. Seems like she wants you to fund her life while she flits around working part time. Ugh."

"ESH - I don’t have a good feeling about this relationship. It doesn’t sound like there is trust or a clear vision of a future together," declared another social media user before advising, "I recommend spending the money on pre-marital counseling instead."

Another Redditor, too, highlighted the OP's financial non-compatibility with his girlfriend, saying, "NTA. You two are not financially compatible. I would not propose to her. You need to sit down and figure out what each of you expect out of marriage. Sounds like you have not done that. Financial incompatibility is one of the major causes of divorce. Good luck to you."

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