‘AITA to go NC with MIL who convinced my husband to get paternity test as our child looks more like me?’

A 31-year-old female Reddit user, with username Strict-Mine-1326, recently took to the popular 'Am I The A**hole' (AITA) forum to share her story of "going no contact" (NC) with her mother-in-law after she convinced her son to get a paternity test over their child because the baby looked more like the woman.

The original poster (OP) detailed her story in the Reddit post titled, 'AITAH for going nc with MIL after she convinced my husband to ask for a paternity test because our baby looks too much like me?' which has since garnered significant attention from the online community with 11K upvotes and more than 2500 comments.

Redditor reveals relationship dynamics with her mother-in-law

Taking to the AITA platform, the OP shared that she and her husband Mark, 32, welcomed their first child, a daughter named Sophia, four months ago. "Me and Mark have been together for 10 years, and married 6 years," she said.

The OP revealed that it was not easy to pregnant; they tried for two years before they were successful, and she miscarried four times in that time.

Sharing her family background, the OP said that her parents died when she was 15 and she "lived with my grandparents until I was 18 and started at college". Since her relationship with Mark began, her mother-in-law had been an amazing support system and like a mother to her.

The OP said of her mother-in-law, "She made dinners and called daily to check up on me after the miscarriages!"

"When Sophia was born the first thing MIL did when she came to visit was to check up on how I was doing after the birth before focusing on Sophia. I remember thinking I had the best MIL anyone could ask for," the OP added.

The OP revealed that her mother-in-law was thrilled to become a grandmother and she was the first person they informed about their pregnancy (in week 18). She moved in with them to help with Sophia for the "first four weeks after we got home from the hospital".

The OP added that Mark loved his daughter and did everything he could to help out in looking after her. He came home early every day in order to spend as much time with her and Sophia as possible.

"Everything seemed perfect, this was what we had wanted for so long. All he could talk about was how perfect our little girl was and how much she looked like me. He even found some old pictures of me and made a photo collage of me and her as babies to put on the wall," the OP said.

OP says mother-in-law convinced her husband to get a paternity test

Meanwhile, after the mother-in-law returned to her own house, she would rarely talk to the OP.

"After my MIL moved home I think I saw her a couple of times, and would only speak to her if I called her. But tbh I didn’t think much of it as I was busy with being a mother," the OP wrote.

However, Mark began to become more aloof and began to arrive home late after the first two months. He said that his mother needed assistance with some home renovations, so he began spending a lot of time there.

"I appreciated all the help MIL had given us so I decided to not complain about it, even though I was exhausted from never getting a hour to myself anymore," she expressed.

The OP detailed the harrowing moment when Mark asked for a paternity test: "Right after Sophia turned 3 months Mark came home and said we needed to talk."

"He sat me down and told me he wanted a paternity test, because his mother thinks our child looked too much like me and nothing like him," she added.

Mark went on to explain that he agreed that Sophia looked more like the OP than him and that "MIL had told him I probably cheated with someone who has some of the same features as me".

According to the mother-in-law, Sophia should share some of Mark's traits if she were his because their family genes were very strong. "After he was done talking I couldn’t get a word out I just started crying," the OP said.

The fact that they both accused the OP of cheating because her daughter looked too much like her seemed like the ultimate betrayal. "He told me he was sorry but his mother got into his head and he couldn’t let it go, and it was constantly on his mind," she added.

The OP eventually consented to the paternity test because she felt defeated by the entire circumstance. She said, "Although I told him that when the test came back telling Sophia is his daughter, I wanted nothing to do with MIL."

"And we would have to start couple counseling if there was any hope at all for this relationship to be saved," she added.

In the present, the test results were received a week ago, and to Mark's amazement, Sophia is his daughter. "He had this look of relief, before the guilt and panic hit him and he started to apologize to me over and over again," the OP said.

The OP advised Mark to inform his mother first, and then tell her that we needed some time away from her. "Surprisingly he was all for it and I could hear him yelling at her for making him doubt me and telling her we didn’t want any contact for a while," she said.

The OP added that Mark blocked his mother's number and she "started to call and text" her. She expressed regret, and the OP felt terrible for ignoring her mother-in-law's perspective and separating her from her family.

"I blocked her too, but some of his extended family has messaged both Mark and me calling us cold hearted ah for cutting MIL out the way we have," she said.

The OP began to question her decision, believing she was too "harsh." She expressed, "Maybe I made a mistake by distancing ourselves from MIL, after all she was just looking out for her only son."

OP shares update on her husband's behavior

Providing an update on her situation, the OP said that Mark's long-term relationship ended because his ex cheated on him. His father's adultery led to his mother's divorce as well.

"That doesn’t make it okay, but that’s the reason I didn’t hand him divorce papers the second he asked for a paternity test," she said.

The OP shared that her husband and his mother both struggle with trust. He has previously sought therapy for his problems, has been in touch with his doctor, and is planning to resume therapy.

Later this week, they would also attend their first couple counseling session.

Reddit community says OP's husband is 'much bigger problem'

The Reddit community largely expressed support for the woman who created the Reddit AITA post.

One user said, "Your MIL may be a problem but ultimately your husband went along with it and that is a much much bigger problem."

A second user added, "S**t, if I was you I would’ve had divorce papers ready to hand him right after he saw the results of the paternity test. And even if I decided to keep his sorry a** around for the sake of my daughter, I’d be done with that MIL. It is highly likely that a little girl is going to end up looking like her mom! NTA."

A third user wrote in part, "NTA. I'd also pray that your daughter gets your brains, because your husband and his mother are complete idiots. How does your BIOLOGICAL daughter being your clone mean you cheated? I mean - taking after a great grandparent that no kid has taken after until now? MAYBE for a moment, but genetics are funny that way."

"If relatives keep getting involved - I would honestly say "Look, she essentially called me a liar and a w***e. She convinced my idiot of a husband that because our daughter looked like ME, the person who birthed her, she couldn't possibly be her son's. Keep pushing and I'll come to the conclusion that I don't want anything to do with husband and his obviously mentally deficient family. He's still on thin ice for believing her in the first place, for months." Then block them too," they concluded.

"NTA with regards to you going no contact with your MIL. I think you let your husband off way too easy. He was the one who really betrayed you by insisting on the test and not trusting you (for no valid reason)," said one.

One Redditor noted, "NTA. Your husband sounds kinda dumb too, it's half his fault. It's his family, he needs to be dealing with it. You shouldn't be in contact with anyone from his family, and he shouldn't be telling you too. You are totally right in whatever you want to do. If MIL said that about you, she doesn't like you, and there is probably lots of other stuff she has said that you've ignored. I would say this is a great excuse to limit contact."

"NTA but you should've left your husband as well, for a while. Not saying divorce him, just put him on notice. He should've been made to earn back your trust. His lack of faith in you, based solely on his mother's complete lack of understanding of genetics, was a choice. He chose his mother's ignorance over your faithfulness and loyalty," commented one.

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