AITA: Woman refuses to split surprise Thanksgiving bill from in-laws over high cost of hosting

Thanksgiving is usually treated as that time of the year when families gather together to share scrumptious food, hearty laughter, and bask in the shared joys of life - except for a family who was asked to share a surprise Thanksgiving bill as well. 

In a post shared on Reddit’s ‘Am I The A*****e' subreddit, an individual with the username Sad_Inspection_7004, recalled the unique problem she faced after celebrating Thanksgiving with her in-laws.

OP was asked to host Thanksgiving by her father-in-law

“This year my FIL suggested we host thanksgiving,” shared the woman as the premise of her post. While she has not given her location, the original poster (OP) shared that her family lives “in a different state and never spend thanksgiving with them”

Nevertheless, their living situation changed and the OP shared, “We now live in between him and my bil's family, so it made sense and since we now have a little more space- we agreed. It was 12 people in total, including my other adult brotherinlaw and sister.”

The OP further shared that her in-laws “wanted to make EIGHT casseroles,” even though they already planned for a delectable feast including “green beans, mashed potatoes, and of course a turkey.”

As she brought the concern to her in-laws, they defended their need for eight casseroles, “saying everyone would be disappointed and they were part of their family traditions.”

“We bought the turkey, lots of drinks, green beans, mashed potato stuff, pies, odds and ends, etc. They bought a lot of casserole ingredients but kept complaining they'd go bad. Which is unfortunate. We did use some of their butter, but they used a lot of our seasonings etc. I didn't really pay attention to what they used because why would I?” continued the OP. 

Moreover, the Redditor noted that the FIL made unnecessary trips to the store and got several items that “never got used/ wasn't needed/was wrong stuff.” For example, the FIL bought a “whole pineapple peeler thing, and stuff for caramel apples.” The OP. nevertheless, noted, “Kind of weird, but you know, that's not my business.”

While initially, they managed to wade through the situation without much trouble, discontentment brewed in the family when the father-in-law asked for reimbursement of his contribution in the groceries. 

The OP wrote, “Except, tonight, as ONE of my bils was getting ready to leave , he pulls him and my husband aside and says that due to high costs of hosting etc they could all three split the bill and he'd be sending out the receipts for reimbursement on venmo.”

While the poster’s husband was taken aback, one of the brothers-in-law (first BIL) “awkwardly said that since he wasn't able to contribute a dish (long travel and got in late at night), he'd be happy to send some.”

“He seemed to think it was to help his kid brother (my husband) out, and didn't realize it was for his father who DIDN'T host,” explained the OP. 

The Redditor clarified in the post that she made it a point not to get herself involved in her husband’s family matters but broke her “cardinal rule” when the FIL told her “husband he would exclude a drink from the "bill".”

“"This is very different than in my family.,” noted the OP before sharing, “In my family contributions are always viewed as the dishes you contribute and everything is established ahead of time."”

“He said "we just thought everyone could contribute" and I pointed out that everyone would include all the people and not just my husband, him, and ONE bil splitting it (all the married men),” wrote the OP.

“It then got really awkward. And he kept going on about how much money groceries were,” she continued before posing the question, “AITA for not splitting the Thanksgiving bill?”

Internet says the woman did right by refusing to split the bill

The Internet judged the situation and declared the woman not to be an a****le (NTA). One of the Redditors said, "NTA. Your FIL is weird. Who the hell asks for reimbursement for Thanksgiving after the fact. I mean if it was brought up ahead of time sure but after the fact is so weird."

To which, the OP also replied, "I honestly suspect we spent similar it not more money. If it had been brought up ahead of time, we would have probably felt very different."

Another user even called out the FIL's 'entitlement', writing, "How can he even have an argument on this when you hosted and didn’t ask for reimbursement? The ‘pay part of mine but not yours’ entitlement is wild."

Someone else even delved deeper into the situation as they asked about the fate of the leftovers and all the things the OP's FIL bought. They wrote, "And he is taking home all the things he bought? If you split the bill, you also split the leftover ingredients. But the hosts will clearly have spent money too. NTA. Don't pay!"

"You're absolutely NTA in this situation. It's incredibly rude and inconsiderate of your in-laws to expect you to foot the bill for a holiday they initiated," declared another user. 

Another user summed it up succinctly, "NTA. He bought it, he pays for it. His problem. Unless it was clearly stated ahead of time, it's not your responsibility. You are right to refuse to split."

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