AITA: Woman’s family calls her ‘heartless’ for refusing to donate kidney to dad who had abandoned her

“I was raised by my mom after my dad walked out on us when I was 5.” These are the opening words of a heart-wrenching post shared by a 28-year-old woman on Reddit's 'Am I The A**hole' forum.

The woman, with user name Illustrious_File5876, said her father walked out of her life when she was a little girl, leaving her struggling to make sense of it all.

In present times, the OP narrated that he didn't just leave - "he left to start a new family and had little to no contact with me growing up," so much so that even her birthdays and holidays passed without so much as a phone call.

Woman receives desperate call for help from ailing father's wife 

The absence of her father loomed large in the OP's life. “For years, I struggled with feelings of abandonment, but I eventually moved on and built a life without him," she shared.

But just as she thought she had closed the chapter on her father, life threw her an unexpected curveball. “Fast forward to now—out of the blue, I get a call from his wife telling me my father is very sick and needs a kidney transplant," she said. The woman realized it wasn’t a call for a reunion or a heartfelt apology. Instead, it was a plea for survival.

“She told me that I’m the best match and begged me to get tested. Apparently, his other family members aren’t compatible," the OP wrote.

With nowhere else to turn, the family her father chose over her had come knocking on her door.

OP stands her ground against 'stranger' father

The woman's response was unwavering: “I told her no. I don’t owe him anything after the way he treated me.”

The bitterness of abandonment had hardened into a resolve not to sacrifice her health for someone who had chosen to be a stranger. “He made his choices when he abandoned me and my mom, and I feel no obligation to put myself through a major surgery for someone who’s essentially a stranger to me," she said.

But the decision wasn’t without backlash. “Since then, I’ve been bombarded with messages from his side of the family, calling me selfish and heartless," disclosed the OP.

Her refusal to help was met with accusations of cruelty. “They say I’m letting him die out of spite and that I need to ‘be the bigger person'," she said.

Her own mother, the woman who had shouldered the burden of raising her alone, weighed in. “Even my mom thinks I should consider it, not for him, but to avoid carrying guilt if he passes away," the Redditor wrote.

And yet, guilt doesn’t seem to haunt the OP. “I don’t feel guilty. I feel like he’s reaping what he sowed," she wrote.

Her words echo the hurt of a child left behind but also the confidence of someone who has learned to prioritize her own wellbeing.

Still, she admits to moments of doubt: “Part of me wonders if I’m being too harsh.”

Reddit rallies behind OP who faces family pressure to donate kidney

A heated Reddit discussion ignited over the OP's dilemma about being pressured to donate a kidney to her father who once abandoned her. The post has drawn waves of support, with users fiercely defending the OP's right to make decisions about her body.

A user said, "Call the hospital and inform them that you are being pressured to donate your kidney. Hospitals take this very seriously. Keep your mother away for now as she is adding to this pressure. “Since then, I’ve been bombarded with messages from his side of the family, calling me selfish and heartless.” Block Block Block. NTA."

Another added, "Great advice! OP should definitely set boundaries with their mom and family if they're causing stress. The hospital can help if they feel overwhelmed or pressured. No one has the right to guilt-trip you into making such a big decision for someone who hasn’t been there for you. OP should definitely block those messages."

Someone else noted, "Don't even need to read based on the title, but did anyway. NTAH! You can deny anyone your kidney whether it's a spouse, sibling, child, or parent. It's a major surgery taking out a necessary organ. It's not redundant having two when you could potentially need one yourself later in life. It's your body."

A follower remarked, "And if you really don’t want to donate but also don’t want to deal with the drama, just go to get tested and tell the doctor you don’t want to donate but people are harassing you about it. Part of being eligible is being psychologically prepared to donate, if you are not willing then you are not an eligible donor. You then get ruled as Not A Match and HIPAA prevents the medical community from saying why you are not a match."

One comment read, "Came here to suggest this - either keep your stand and block them all, or, if you want to get them off your back, get tested but tell them you don't want to be a match. Donating an organ to a loved one is already a tough choice. Donating to a complete stranger is even harder. Donating to someone who is even worse than a stranger - to someone who wronged you and abandoned you - absolutely out of the question."

Another observed, "NTA. OP was not born to carry spare parts for anybody. I don’t care if OP’s father had been the best dad, ever. Making a living donation is a serious, and personal, decision with multiple potential ramifications. No one should be forced, cajoled, or guilted into it. The doctors don’t want that, either. They probably won’t even ask why, and you don’t have to tell them. They get it. You’ll get a result that says you aren’t a match, after all, and you can go back to never having to hear from them again."

One person explained, "NO!!! NTA absolutely not. Speaking from familial experience, You will be advised by doctors not to get pregnant as it would be considered very high risk to carry a fetus with only 1 kidney. Even if you don’t plan on having kids now, you might change your mind later. On top of that, not sure what caused him to need a kidney, but you are blood related. You could very well have kidney issues in the future as well. That’s a lot to ask of someone that you abandoned when they were a child…"

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