'AITA for naming my daughter after my biological mother when I was raised by my adoptive mother?'

Many mothers dream of naming their children after those they love, especially their parents.

One Reddit user, FunConference5016, a new mother of twins, made the heartfelt decision to name her daughter after her biological mother. However, this choice has caused distress to her adoptive mother, who raised her for many years.

Moreover, the decision has led to a strained relationship with both her father and adoptive mother, though she remains close to her half-siblings.

Woman shares her name was changed after her stepmother adopted her when she was 5

The woman wrote on Reddit's "AITAH" forum, "My (biological) mom died when I was 3. She and my dad were in the middle of a divorce at the time and he was already dating my adoptive mother. The two of them actually broke up for over a year because of stress and for years they blamed my mom's family."

"Saying that they did everything to try and run off my adoptive mother. They got back together and got married when I was 5 and she adopted me that same year. I don't remember much of it. But I remember being sad at the time that some woman I didn't really know was adopting me. They also changed my name," the original poster (OP) added.

"I had my mom's last name and they changed that. They also gave me a second middle name because my adoptive mother wanted me to carry a part of her name with me. Since my middle name was my mom's middle name," explained the new mother.

"For two years I didn't get to see my mom's family because my dad kept them from me. He said they were a bad influence on me regarding my 'new mom' and he told me they didn't want us to be a family. They sued for grandparents visitation and won. Well, my grandparents did and ensured the rest of the family could see me. I'd see them twice a month every month until I turned 18," wrote the Redditor, elaborating on the family dynamics. 

Woman details why she felt uncomfortable with her adoptive mother 

The OP explained why she felt uncomfortable being close to her adoptive mother, writing, "My relationship with my dad and adoptive mother has never been the best. The adoption makes me unhappy. It changed my birth certificate (my adoptive mother's name replaced my mom's as is common in the US) and really it's not something I would have chosen. It was partially used because they wanted me to be theirs and also because they thought it would keep my mom's family from me."

She shared another reason for the distance, explaining that her adoptive mother was upset about not being called "mom" instead of just "mother." "Growing up I called my adoptive mother "mother" and never mom. She was more bothered by the fact I called my mom 'mom' when I asked about her. In family therapy she said it hurt that the woman I couldn't even remember got named mom while she was mother which sounded so cold and distant when she was the person raising me," the OP wrote.

On the current state of their relationship, she shared, "Our relationship still isn't great today. They're in my life. But we're not close. I am far closer to my (half) siblings. My siblings understand where I'm coming from and they said I was always a good big sister so the issues between me and the parents are nothing to do with them." 

The Redditor even thought of overturning the adoption. She stated, "I actually looked into overturning the adoption but that wasn't an option I had. I could have been adopted by my grandparents as an adult but decided against it. Instead, I made my grandparents the people who'd be called if anything happened and gave them legal power to make decisions for me if I could not. Then when I met my husband I gave it to him while we were seriously dating." 

Woman's adoptive mother got upset with her for naming her daughter after her biological mother

The woman went on to write, "My husband and I became first-time parents in November, to twins (they run in my mom's family). We named our daughter after my mom and I had warned my dad and adoptive mother about it ahead of time. I don't think they truly accepted it until the babies were here and we officially announced the names. My dad and adoptive mother complained a few times and were shut down by my husband."

The tension between her and her parents grew over time, as the OP shared, "But after two weeks they came to our home and told us we shouldn't have named one after mom when I know my adoptive mother has always felt hurt by our strained relationship and the fact I put a woman I don't remember before her." 

"She told me the sting of knowing I love that woman enough to do this when she's the one who raised me since I was 5 is the worst slap in the face imaginable and she said I owed her so much more than this. She told me I might not like what they did but they were entitled to do it and I need to stop thinking I have the right to feel any kind of way about it when they made an adult decision as adults. She said it was the right thing to do and as a mom now I should see that," she elaborated. 

The woman hasn't been in contact with her parents, which has angered them even more. 

She shared, "We didn't tall all over Christmas or New Years. My siblings joined me for Christmas instead of them because of the anger they have over this. Which only increased their anger," before asking, "AITA?"

Redditors support woman's decision to name her daughter after her biological mother

On reading the woman's post, several Redditors expressed that she did nothing wrong by naming her after her biological mother despite being raised by her adoptive mother.

One commented, "Dad is the AH. Kudos to stepmom for stepping up as a parent, BUT to act like your biological mom never existed is ludicrous."

A person stated, "NTA if I had a daughter and named her after my deceased mother and my stepmother had the nerve to question it I would tell her she could kindly f** k off."

"At 18 why didn't you file in court to change your name back to your original name on your birth certificate? They might change it, can't alter the original certificate. NTA but dad & his side piece now wife truly are the AH's," read another comment. 

One more expressed, "NTA. It’s also mighty audacious of her to try and play on your feelings now that you’ve become a mother. Have you ever asked her how she would feel if she died and your father remarried, then had her children adopted by his new wife and changed their names?"

"NTA. They took your mom’s name from you and you took it back for your child. Congrats on the babies! Make sure mother doesn’t show favoritism towards the one without your mom’s name if she is ever involved," another Redditor advised. 

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