'AITA for requesting my fiance pay for expensive ensembles I wear to his high-profile work functions?'

When is attending your partner's work events too much of a burden?

A woman recently took to Reddit’s infamous ‘Am I The A**hole’ forum to get a reality check after asking her fiance to pitch in for the mounting costs of dressing up for his high-profile work events.

Glamorous expectations meet harsh realities

In her post titled “AITA for expecting my fiance to pay for me to get ready for his events?” the original poster (OP) shared the dilemma she’s been facing ever since she agreed to be her fiance’s plus-one at his work events.

“My fiance's (F) work throws a lot of compulsory social events that involve a dress code. Usually 1 a month, often 2 or 3. I'm not one for dressing up, but when he has these things, I always go with him and dress according to the dress code,” she began.

While attending these events might sound glamorous, it comes with a hefty price tag. OP explained that her fiance makes significantly more money than she does, but the expenses for these events are almost entirely on her.

“At the last fundraiser, one of his coworker’s wives asked me if the dress I was wearing was the same dress I wore a couple months ago. I said yes. The coworker hears this and asks F if he can’t afford to buy me a new dress. F thought the coworker was a d**k but later told me he was embarrassed by the 'joke' and asked me to get a new dress for next time.”

OP revealed that these events often require not just a new dress, but also accessories, professional hair and nail appointments — and sometimes even consultations with her fiance’s boss’s wife, who helps her pick out ensembles.

The financial toll quickly became unsustainable for OP, whose income is a modest $1,800 per month. Between her share of living expenses and the ever-increasing costs of attending these events, she was left with little to no disposable income.

“Just for the last event, the cost of hair, nails, dress, shoes, bag, and jewelry came to over $600. There is an average of 2 events per month, so $1,200 per month average to go to these events. I make about $1,800 a month," she explained. "Living expenses, even with him paying significantly more than I do, come to about $500."

It reached a breaking point when OP presented her fiance with a stack of receipts, asking for help. “I told him, 'Look, I’m fine with coming to your things, but I need you to help me out. If you want me in all new stuff every month, then I need you to pitch in. If the budget doesn’t stretch that far, then I’m just going to have to wear my old dresses.’”

Instead of agreeing to share the burden, her fiance scrutinized her spending and refused to contribute further.

"He then started going through the receipts, asking if I really needed this or that. He then said that he already pays out a shedload each month and he's going to need me to keep spending as normal. I said that he needs to at least partially fund the next outfit or I'm using my pass. AITA?" she asked.

The internet chimes in on OP's problem

The Reddit hive mind had no shortage of opinions, with many siding firmly with OP.

"The whole scenario sounds bizarre," one posted.

"It's not that he needs 'at least partially' to pay. He needs to pay completely for these work-related events. It takes your time, it takes your money and the only goal is so that he's nicely seen by his boss. NTA, it's ridiculous he doesn't see what's wrong in it. 'I have 3 passes a year to not go.' What is even this. On top of that, you're completely forced to go? Wtf," another fumed.

"NTA he should help you pay for these if he wants you to wear a new dress. However I just discovered this rental dress service online, I think it’s called Rent the Runway or something like that," someone else added.

"Does F get a new suit, shoes, watch, etc for every event? This idea that women can't wear the same dress twice comes from women and only women. Guys don't care. NTA," read a response.

"NTA - That sounds like an absolute nightmare (for me, anyway). If these events are compulsory for you to attend with him (whether by his rule or his company’s) then he should be considering this his work expense," another offered.

New update from OP

OP later posted this update: "We have a new agreement. He will pay for everything going forward for his work events, and the salon appointments as they are for him. If he is ever required to get clothing for my work or social events I will similarly cover the cost, but that has happened once in the 4 years we've been together."

"I am going to keep going to these work events because we are in a relationship, one we are going to be in for the rest of our lives. I will continue to go to these events and talk him up 1-3 nights per month for as long as he works there because he needs me to do that, and he will come to my work and social events because I need him to do that," she continued.

OP also added, "I've looked into clothing rentals, tried a few services available here a while back, none of them were great, but I got a lot of suggestions for ones that operate in my area that I could try so I will be giving it another go. It's also worth noting that I would probably get away with re-wearing some of the dresses I wore this time last year or earlier now, as it's been over a year."

Finally, she told Redditors to "please stop telling me to reconsider my engagement."

"I appreciate that internet strangers are worried about my relationship but I'm a big girl, I know what I'm doing," she insisted. "Can everyone please chill on telling me to end a loving, healthy, functional relationship that I intend to be in for the rest of my life over my fiance not realizing how expensive women's clothing is? Kindly chill, lads."

This article contains remarks made on the Internet by individual people and organizations. MEAWW cannot confirm them independently and does not support claims or opinions being made online