AITA: Husband confesses to cheating with ex in 'lucid dreams', wife is now seeking divorce

A 31-year-old married man took to Reddit’s popular r/Relationships forum to share what might be one of the wildest confessions to date.

His dilemma? He’s been living an entire second life—in his dreams—with his ex, and it’s tearing his marriage apart.

Redditor shares he has recurring dreams about an ex he never got over

The original poster (OP) began his now-deleted post innocently enough. He’s been married to his 28-year-old wife for three years.

Everything was seemingly normal—love, taxes, Netflix marathons, and the occasional bit of housework. No physical cheating, no major fights. But then he casually drops the bombshell: "I am a lucid dreamer... Over the last year or so, I've been having a recurring dream about my ex, my first love. Truth be told, I never got over her."

In vivid detail, he explains how his nightly escapades began innocently enough—a dream where his ex knocked on his door and asked him out for coffee. But things escalated fast. He honed his lucid dreaming skills and began controlling the dreams.

Suddenly, he and his ex were globe-trotting, strolling through Paris, and revisiting cherished college memories. Over the course of a year, he essentially created an entire alternate reality with his ex. "It got to the point I was looking forward to going to sleep to be with her," he wrote.

Fast forward to the present, and his wife senses something’s off. Feeling guilty, OP decides honesty is the best policy, unaware of the consequences. 

When he confessed to his wife about his dream life, she was, understandably, not okay. At first, she thought it was a joke. But when the truth hit, she went nuclear and called him a "cheating weirdo" — even rallying her family for backup. "She even threatened to tell my ex so she'll know what a 'f**ing loser' I am," shared the OP. 

Redditors chime in on OP's lucid dreaming dilemma 

The Redditors didn’t hold back in their response. The comments ranged from sympathetic to downright brutal. 

One remarked, "No one can compete against a fantasy, a dream, and your wife has recognized that it is beyond her."

Another delivered a reality check, "You had no business leading this woman on by marrying her. You absolutely should be divorced by your wife. No one deserves to be told by their spouse that they are their second choice. No one deserves to be told by their spouse that they are competing with a f**king fantasy. She deserves better than a man who has an emotional affair with his dreams. Let her go and get some therapy for your issues."

Someone else offered, "Yeah, no, I think this might be a lost cause. I would certainly consider this cheating, and I think that it does indeed warrant a divorce. You clearly don’t 'really love her'—at least, not as much as you love your ex."

"You are making your wife feel like a second choice. you never got over your ex (your words)... if the ex was open to reconnecting you’d most definitely be a physical cheater lmao. stop living in the past dude," wrote one more. 

OP returns with an update: His wife is done competing with a 'phantom'

Two days later, OP returned with a bombshell (albeit unsurprising) update. After his confession, his wife left for over 24 hours. When she returned, she had one thing to say, "She told me she wanted to file for divorce. She didn’t want to compete with a 'phantom' and deserved better than a dirtbag like me."

Here’s the kicker, even though she wants out, they’ve agreed to stay under the same roof for financial reasons (because, hey, divorces don’t come cheap). Meanwhile, OP’s wife wasn’t done wreaking havoc. She DM’d his ex to spill the tea about his dream escapades. And how did the ex react? Surprisingly chill.

"She thought it was sweet that I still loved her... knowing she didn’t think negatively of me made me feel better," the OP wrote.

Oh, and as if things weren’t messy enough, the ex revealed that her engagement had recently been called off. Suddenly, OP is wondering if this whole disaster is the universe’s way of pushing him back toward his "one who got away."

"I can't help but wonder if this is the universe's way of putting my ex and I back on the path to reconciliation," he shared.

Reddit offers another round of takes

Redditors did not disappoint in their responses to the update.

"I hope you don’t take it out on her when you realize that your old flame isn’t the person she was in your dreams. Because that was you. You were in love with another version of you. She’ll be someone else entirely," one noted.

"Lol this isn't the happy ending you seem to think it is. But whatever I guess, both of you suck. I hope your wife finds something far better than you because you still seem to be justifying your s**tty behavior, especially with the whole "Oh the universe wanted this". And wasted a poor woman's time. Still a creepy, weird loser," another remarked.

"What a sad ending. You apologized to your wife, & said you love her, yet you’re unable to hide your glee at your ex getting back in touch. Clearly, your memories and phantom experiences with your ex are worth more than the actual marriage to your wife, which shows how little your love & apology are worth," read a comment.

"Lmao you sure you didn't dream those dms? You need therapy not wasting any other woman's time," another remarked.

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