AITA: Boyfriend blasted online for 'dismissing' his girlfriend’s tradition during Thanksgiving

Creating traditions together is a wonderful way to deepen your connection with your partner. However, the magic grows even more when both partners make a conscious effort to prioritize each other's customs, balancing them with family obligations. A 26-year-old man was, therefore, expected to cherish the Thanksgiving celebration with his parents and his 25-year-old girlfriend. However, things went south when he failed to put his lover's tradition first over his mother's.

In a post shared on Reddit’s ‘Am I The A*****e' subreddit, an individual with the username "tojala1998" addressed the challenging situation he faced while celebrating Thanksgiving with his parents and his girlfriend. The post has garnered over 3600 upvotes and over 1400 comments, implying that readers have taken a keen interest in his situation.

Redditor shares not prioritizing his girlfriend's tradition at Thanksgiving

Describing his situation, the original poster (OP) began by writing, "My girlfriend (25F) and I (26M) visited my parents for Thanksgiving, staying from Wednesday to Sunday. A couple of weeks ago, she told me she likes to get Chinese food on Black Friday because her family used to do that, and it’s a tradition she doesn’t get to do anymore."

Initially brushing his girlfriend's request, the man claimed, "We should eat leftovers since my mom likes us to stick around and eat with everyone. I also didn’t want to leave others out. But she convinced me it was important, so I told my mom on Wednesday night that we wanted to go out on Friday. My mom was visibly upset. I looked to my girlfriend and asked if we could move it to Sunday instead. She agreed."

The OP further shared that his girlfriend was upset with him because he did not care about how she felt. "Fast forward to Friday around 4:30 pm, and she told me she was upset that I didn’t care about her feelings. I was confused because I thought we had resolved it by moving it to Sunday," he wrote.

Explaining his girlfriend's situation, the author wrote, "She said she still wanted to go out on Friday, so I said, “Let’s go.” But then she said she didn’t want to go anymore because she had eaten a big breakfast. I suggested we get takeout later, but she said it was fine, and we didn’t go."

The man detailed how his partner had maturely talked to him later in the car about the need to learn to let things go. She did, however, bring it up again and expressed her continued anger that her boyfriend "dismissed her feelings."

"She also revealed that this tradition is tied to her late grandfather, who passed away three years ago, and that’s why it’s so meaningful. She said she thought we were making fun of her for wanting Chinese food, which we weren’t," the OP explained.

"I told her I wished she’d said something earlier because we absolutely would have gone if I’d known how important it was to her."

Asking for guidance from Reddit, the OP concluded his post by writing, "She says she’s not mad at me now, but I still feel like she is. She also said I should’ve “read between the lines.” I feel like I tried to make it work on Friday and genuinely thought we had a plan for Sunday. Did I mess this up? AITA?"

Internet users call OP 'YTA' for 'dismissing' his girlfriend's tradition

Reddit users dubbed the original post 'YTA' (Yes The A*****e) for his behavior toward his girlfriend that "dismissed her tradition."

One person wrote in part, "Initially I was going to say you weren't in the wrong, but after rereading it, I have to say YTA. First off, you initially dismissed her tradition, expecting her to completely abide by your family's traditions and schedules. You just...don't get to do that. She's a human being with an actual past, not some prop that was created just to fulfill a role in your life. Then, when you guys did come to a compromise, you let your mom emotionally manipulate you into doing what she wanted, and disregarding what your girlfriend wanted YET AGAIN."

Another Redditor commented, "YTA. Your mom got you from Wednesday to Sunday. You did actual Thanksgiving with your family. Your girlfriend asked for one meal in a 4-day span to do something very important to her with you. Then you immediately caved to your overbearing and needy mother as soon as the subject was breached. You let your girlfriend know exactly where she stands in your life, and she is not a priority. Unless she wants to be subordinate to your mother for your entire relationship, it sounds pretty doomed."

"YTA "I feel like I tried to make it work on Friday" .. What a ridiculous statement. NO, you did NOT. You knowingly broke your word to your gf and put her on the spot. So you had an agreement with your gf, and threw her to the wolves. Instead of keeping your promise, you put your gf in a situation where it was impossible for her to say NO, and pretend she agreed," seethed another in part.

Another remarked, "YTA…What exactly did she need to do more to make it clear to you that this tradition was important to her? You did what you wanted and what was important to you and your family, what you have always done. You have a girlfriend now. It is not all about you anymore. You were with your parents until Sunday. Plenty of time to do leftovers. You could have either gone out to get Chinese food or had take away with everyone."

One person commented, "YTA, she mentioned it weeks ago, and you dismissed her. She reminded you that it was important to her, but your mom was visibly upset that you weren't exclusively going to eat her leftovers. She spent FIVE days with your family and wasn't allowed to choose what she ate for one single meal. You put her on the spot in front of your mom and then claimed that she should have just said something?!?! Now you're wanting sympathy because you feel bad. YTA, and not a great partner."

"YTA-You lost all credibility when you asked her to change the day in front of your mom instead of in private. You caved to your mom like a little kid. This girl may dump you pretty easily because you can’t have a discussion with mommy about things important to your girlfriend. In case you are wondering if this was one of those times “is this a test”. Yes it was my friend and you failed," noted another.

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