AITA: Bride faces heat from family for wanting a 'child-free' reception but Internet has her back
Weddings are a celebration of love, but they can also bring out the complexities of family dynamics as a bride-to-be highlighted in her post on Reddit's popular "Am I the A**hole" subreddit.
The couple, preparing for a small, intimate wedding, had a clear vision for their special day. "I’m getting married in April next year in an intimate wedding ceremony with just my immediate family, my fiance’s immediate family, and our bridesmaids/groomsmen there," the original poster (OP) shared.
Mom vs bride: The child-free wedding decision that split a family
They planned to rent an Airbnb for three days to host all 25 of them, spending the first two days casually hanging out, followed by the wedding ceremony on the last day, and a reception at a different venue that would host 100+ guests.
Moreover, the couple was clear from the beginning that they wanted a child-free event. "My fiance and I wanted this weekend to be adult-only," the bride explained, acknowledging that while two of her bridesmaids had kids, they supported the "no kids" rule and had arranged childcare. Despite this, her mother insisted on including her sister’s two children in the ceremony.
"My mother strongly insisted I invite my sister’s 2 kids (& emphasized they are my ‘only niece and nephew’)," she shared, reluctantly agreeing to make the children part of the wedding by having them serve as flower girl and ring bearer.
However, the reception was another matter entirely. "Fiance & I still want to do one adult-only event and decided the reception will be adults-only, which he & I are paying for entirely," the OP wrote.
When she communicated this decision to her mother, her mom initially supported it. "My mom was willing to miss the reception & watch the kids as she doesn’t drink & the kids go to bed early," the bride recounted, noting that this arrangement was something her mother had volunteered to do, not something she was forced into.
But things took a turn when her sister caught wind of the plan. She wrote, "My sister, however, called me ‘rude and inconsiderate’ for this decision. She is thinking to not even attend the wedding at all, even though 1. Her kids will miss the RECEPTION, not the WEDDING."
The bride had tried to explain this distinction to her sister, but the frustration only seemed to grow.
From 'I'll watch the kids' to 'You're a bad person'
In a bid to smooth things over, the bride turned to her mother for support, but the response she received was far from what she expected. "My mom FLIPS on me, telling me she won’t come to the wedding either if I’m going to exclude her grandkids like that," the OP stated.
It seemed that her mother’s allegiance had shifted, possibly influenced by a side conversation with her sister. "She went from ‘I’ll watch the kids’ to ‘you’re a bad person’ in a span of 10 minutes," the bride remarked, feeling blindsided by the sudden change in tone.
As tensions escalated, the groom stepped in to mediate. "My fiance reached out to my family (my mom, dad, sister) & explained that we need to have a discussion about this as a family," she said. The couple’s hope was to have a calm and rational conversation to resolve the issue. However, the father’s response was somewhat indifferent, as the OP wrote, "My dad explained they are traveling for the next 2 weeks, & once they return, & we all have time to ‘cool off,’ we will arrange a family discussion."
This sudden shift in family dynamics left the bride feeling disappointed and conflicted. "I’m disappointed my mom and sister feel this way and are insisting things go THEIR way for MY wedding," she wrote, acknowledging that while her fiance’s family had been supportive, it was hard to imagine the wedding without her own family present. "I’m sad about my own family possibly not being at the wedding over this," she admitted, especially since her father had already agreed to officiate the ceremony.
But despite the emotional turmoil, the couple remained firm in their decision. "My fiance and I are not changing our minds," she asserted, determined not to sacrifice the boundaries they had set for such an important occasion.
Bride stands her ground as her family refuses to attend her wedding
Weeks later, the long-anticipated family discussion finally took place, as shared by the OP in an update. Unfortunately, it didn’t lead to the resolution the bride had hoped for. "My sister and brother-in-law decided to not attend the wedding to stay behind and watch the kids," she shared, noting that her sister and her partner suggested an alternate weekend to celebrate the couple’s marriage with the kids.
"My mom also decided to not attend the wedding because she won’t enjoy herself if her grandkids are excluded," the OP added. This sudden withdrawal from the event by her mother was particularly painful, given how supportive her mother had seemed at the start.
As for the father, his stance remained uncertain. "My dad needs more time to give us his RSVP," the bride revealed. He suggested another round of discussions, this time involving only the bride, her fiance, and her parents, to further navigate the complexities of the situation.
Despite the sadness of her family’s decisions, the bride chose to take a step back and accept the reality of the situation. "While I am sad about their choice, if they can’t come, I understand & accept it," she said. The journey toward the wedding day had become a lesson in standing firm in one’s choices, no matter how painful the consequences might be.
In the end, the bride maintained her resolve: "I don’t want to sacrifice my boundaries for an event that is extremely special to my fiancé and me." And though it was a tough decision, it was one that she believed was necessary for preserving the integrity of their wedding day.
Redditors side with OP's decision to have a child-free wedding reception
While the bride's decision to keep her big day adults-only wasn't received well by her family, Redditors thought she did the right thing by stepping down her foot.
One expressed, "Do adults not realize that children usually never want to go to a wedding or a reception? I mean, I was dragged to a few when I was 10-15 years old and MY GOD. So boring. I would have rather watched paint dry. NTA and you get to have the kind of reception you want."
Another shared, "NTA. YOUR wedding. YOUR choice. If you make an exception for your 'only niece and nephew”'how long before everyone else expects exceptions for their kids. Don’t back down and enjoy your childfree wedding reception."
"NTA. Find a new officiant so you aren't beholden to whether your parents decide to come. You don't have to fire your dad, but have backup ready. If they'd rather pout than attend the wedding that is on them. It tells you exactly what they prioritize (hint: not you). Because taking over someone else's wedding is bizarre and unhealthy as is refusing to attend your own child's wedding over a child free evening event. If my parents decided to skip my wedding over something like this it would mean an extreme change in our relationship going forward. I hope your wedding goes beautifully, regardless of whether they come (but I hope they do!!)," suggested a Redditor.
One more expressed, "NAH. You have a right to ban kids from your wedding. Other people have a right to not attend if they can't bring their kids. Nobody is wrong here. I do think it's a very big ask for people to find childcare for the 3 'wedding days' plus the reception. I feel sorry for your wedding party."
"NTA. This is your wedding. If they want kids at a wedding, they can stage their own vow renewal and have a million kids at theirs. If they won't budge, then your only response should be 'I'm sorry you feel that way. We'll miss you.' Remember, their loving response is to insult and bully you. You gave in on the wedding, and they're pushing on the reception. You give in on the reception, they'll push on something else, then another thing and another and another until you won't even recognize your own wedding," read another comment.
An individual stated, "NTA. You wanted a child-free wedding. You compromised by giving an inch to your sister and now she wants a mile. Sensing weakness, your mother entered the fray against you. Your big mistake was to yield in the first place. Now that your sister is being intransigent, use the family conference to revert to the original plan. Totally child-free. Tell anyone that can't or won't handle that, 'I'm sorry. We'll miss you.' Anything less is an insult to those who played by your rules and arranged childcare."
"NAH. I think the issue is that you want your family there for an entire weekend. Not everyone has someone they can trust to watch the kids for multiple days so the parents can leave them home. Now you are basically saying someone from your family has to miss the reception to watch the kids, and honestly the reception is the fun part. This is the problem with destination weddings and you just have to accept that not everyone you want will be there," pointed out one more user.
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