AITA: ‘Burnt out’ son labeled 'selfish' for putting ailing mother in long-term care facility for holidays

A man has shared his dilemma on Reddit after being labeled “selfish” by his siblings for placing their ill mother in a long term care facility.

The 28-year-old man, under the username 0konok0, explained on Reddit's popular 'Am I The A*****e' subreddit, that he had been taking care of his mother since 2021 after his father died.

The mother had a stroke in 2019. “I dropped out of my graduate program to take care of our mom. It fell on me because at the time I was staying with our parents in their apartment in NY since I was going to school in NY,” he noted.

Man became sole caregiver and did not receive any help from his siblings

The man further shared that he has two elder siblings Theo (35M) and Abby (38F), who have never offered any help in taking care of their mother and every year he “would fly or drive to VA so our mom can see my siblings and her grandkids.”

However, now he has placed his mother in the long term care facility because since the start of 2024 things have become more difficult.

“Our mom became more stressful, increased memory issues, lack of sleep,” he said, resulting in the man feeling “burnt out.”

The Reddit user also stated in his post that he “found a place for our mom back in February and I informed my siblings they had no objection at the time.”

However, now since the holiday season has come, his siblings are “asking me if I am going to bring mom. I told them no I was not but if they wanted to take her they were 100% free to take her.”

The man also mentioned that he “told them she is not in a prison and I did put them on the list for approved people to take her out.”

Reddit user says his siblings call him ‘heartless’

But his siblings insisted on him only to bring the mother. After he declined because of his own plans, they told him “how selfish and heartless I am towards our mother.”

Presenting his side, the man claimed he was the one who took care of “mom after her stroke and our dad passed.”

“I handled the sleepless nights, the wandering, the outbursts, the doctors appointments. I handled getting her Medicaid, I handled everything and put my life on hold to do so,” he stated.

The Reddit user also disclosed that his brother and sister were not even there when he needed help in the “arrangements for our dad's funeral.”

Concluding his post, the man shared that he even agreed to take care of travel charges if his brother “come pick up mom so she can go over for Thanksgiving” but he “came up with excuses like it was short notice.”

His brother even said no for Christmas, which led to him to outburst and the poster added, “I told him that is how you two have always been. Apologize for the borderline rant, I am just pissed atm.”

Redditors empathize with the man

Meanwhile, people online have sided with the original poster as one commented, “NTA one of my siblings is not the best and just expects people to cover for them. It’s tiring and they don’t want to be wrong so you have to end up as the bad guy when you didn’t do anything good luck be prepared for some fallout.”

Another fellow Reddit user wrote, “NTA. Givers have to set limits because takers never do. As long as you keep giving, they'll keep taking. You have a life also. Live it just as they're living their lives.”

One person jokingly suggested, “NTA and no apology needed. Been there, done that, myself. Maybe have some fun, ask them if they'll have her over for Valentine's Day. (Evil grin :~> ).”

“Nta. Good for you for making the tough but good decision of what was best for you and your mom. Your right. She’s their mom too if they wanted to help they would have done so without you having to ask. They would have been sending you some money to hire a nurse so that you could finish school. They don’t get to ignore your mom And neglect you and now pretend to be offended because they can’t play happy family for the holidays. I hope you have an amazing vacation,” a second person stated.

A comment read, “NTA, clearly your siblings only care about themselves. They don’t even sound like they truly care about your mother, they are only making a big deal about it now because of the holidays.”

An individual under the username Oddly-Appeased added, “NTA, clearly your siblings only care about themselves. They don’t even sound like they truly care about your mother, they are only making a big deal about it now because of the holidays.”

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