AITA: Dad-of-two asks for advice after fight with wife over his severe dislike of being around toddlers
Interacting with children may come naturally to many, but not for some - as is the case with this Redditor who sought netizens' advice regarding his “disdain” for toddlers.
The author recently posted on the AITA subreddit of Reddit where he declared in the title of his post, “AITA I cannot stand and have a severe dislike of children from newborn to around 4 years old.”
He noted additionally in the title, “My wife is always getting angry at me because I do not want to be around, hold, or watch my nieces and nephews."
Author expresses disdain for toddlers but says his wife is non-cooperative
Taking to Reddit, the OP (original poster) described his situation and revealed that he has two children of his own. While they are the only exceptions, the author noted that he is uncomfortable dealing with someone else’s children.
In fact, he described that he has “strong negative feelings towards children.” The extent is so much that “I was convinced that I would never willingly have children for most of my life because of this strong negative feelings towards children.”
Nevertheless, regarding his own offsprings, the author added, “I love my children and they were the exception to the rule.”
He, however, noted that his problem is not with fatherhood as he “genuinely love(s) being a father,” and since his children “are a bit older now,” they “bring a ton of joy and happiness” to his life.
“However, I have had a dislike of younger children for my entire life,” added the Redditor before noting that he has a strong aversion toward younger children.
“I find nothing about them appealing and if I could spend my entire life without being in the same room as a young child, I would live a very happy life,” added the author, before noting, “My wife has known about this since we started dating around 20 years ago.”
However, as the author and his wife’s siblings have started their own families, the OP’s wife is pressuring him to interact with the children in close quarters.
“She is constantly trying to make me hold their children, volunteers to watch them, and tries to force me to be around them,” said the OP regarding his wife. He added, “I cannot state in words how frustrating this is to me.”
While it didn’t pose much problem before, recently this has become a point of contention between the couple.
“But lately she has started to shame me for not engaging with them. We have had multiple arguments surrounding this subject,” added the OP, before asking netizens, “My question is, am I a bad person for not wanting to be around my nieces and nephews?”
Internet declares man to be 'NTA'
Upon consideration, Redditors declared the man to be "NTA", however, not before suggesting that he should have a candid conversation with his wife.
One of the social media users declared, "NTA", before sharing, "My MIL didnt really like my kids until they were 8? She could maybe do 15 minutes direct contact and then she noped out. I totally respect that- she and the kids have a great relationship now that theyre teens. You should not be voluntold into babysitting. The kids will feel this dislike and no one wins."
Another user chimed in, "I would say the vast majority of parenting a 0-5yo is a chore, even for people who love kids lol," before explaining, "The amount of eating, pooping, sleeping, snacks, songs, books, tantrums, pooping, bathing, snacks, naps, songs, tantrums, bathing, bedtimes, pooping, and more pooping is exhausting." They further added, "Plus how tiny they are and how they could get injured every single minute of the day. It's so much work."
Another user inferred that his wife might have been trying to "force" it on him, saying, "I may not have as much disdain for young kids as you, but I definitely understand. I'm ok once they hit about 3 yrs old. I think your wife is being unfair trying to force this on you. While I suspect that she won't stop volunteering to babysit, I suggest you work on tolerating them at a distance. It might be time to have a heart to heart about how if feels when she tries to shame/guilt you in participating w/ the nephews and nieces. Good luck!"
"NTA. I think the issue for OP is being forced to interact with them. If someone tells you they prefer not to interact with something/someone why would you keep pushing the issue? It's not going to be good for either party. The problem is the parents/relatives. No newborn is going to demand to spend time with OP or judge OP for not oohing and ahhing over them. The judgement is coming from the adults who for whatever reason think OP is obligated to perform the way they want," said someone else.
Someone else elaborated, "NTA. Your wife may be thinking that if she exposes you to enough cute little babies and toddlers you may change your feelings about them. Does not sound like that will happen. You need to make it clear to her it’s not gonna happen. Also I would suggest seeing a therapist bc lots of males are indifferent to small children and babies, but if you “can’t stand them” from 4 or 5 years old suggests some kind of trauma."
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