AITA: Daughter faces backlash for not allowing bipolar mother to see her grandchildren
A woman has been thrashed online for prohibiting her bipolar mother from meeting her grandchildren.
Sharing her story on Reddit’s popular 'Am I The A*****e' (AITA) subreddit, she began, “My mom (57) has bipolar. She has always been an incredibly anxious person but it has gotten so much worse these past few years.”
Revealing her mother’s "obsession with CNN,” the Original Poster (OP), under the username prettypistolgg, stated that her mother “hasn't been able to sleep since the election even though she has increased her dose of sedatives to the most the doctor would let her.”
Woman accuses her mother of not making any effort
The OP then went on to mention a plan that included her mother staying with her and her children in January for six weeks. But her mother suddenly canceled it, saying, “The weather looks frightful, I will not be travelling and you shouldn't either.”
Her mother also did not share when she plans to travel next, if not in January.
The woman expressed her disappointment over the canceled plans as she noted, “Instead of telling me when she would be willing to travel she started saying she was ‘57 and too disabled to travel’ citing a bad back, sore knee and diabetes (type 2) as the source of her disability.”
“No one I know that knows her would ever consider her disabled. She has told me herself that she only walks with a cane to get priority seating on public transit,” she added.
The woman then warned her mother by telling her, “She is going to disappear from the girls’ lives if she can't make the effort to travel anymore.”
However, the Redditor also mentioned that she feels “like an a**hole telling her that she can't see the girls anymore, especially since it seems like she's in a mental health crisis,” before asking others if she’s “AITA for not wanting them to see her until she is doing better?”
Redditors slam woman for being ‘really harsh’ toward her mother
People on Reddit soon began calling the OP out for being cruel and mean toward her mother.
“YTA You know your mother has MH issues and instead of focusing in how you can aid her in getting help, you complain about her not wanting to travel in bad weather--which is entirely reasonable. You haven't given any reason why YOU can't travel to her sometimes. She said she wouldn't be traveling in January and you extrapolated that to she's unwilling to see the girls at all and she's going to disappear from their loves altogether. Again, don't see anywhere where you try and find a compromise for this situation, but you want to punish grandma for not doing things on your timeline,” a Reddit user commented.
“YTA it seems really harsh to demand your mother visit on your terms. You said in a comment she doesn't have a car, so she has to take a bus or train to see you for 2-3 hours plus a 90 minute car ride on top of that? That's a lot and she may need a break if she's having a mental health issue. She's getting older and her health conditions could he effecting her more now then before, so yes all those health conditions could be a factor. Your just being dismissive of them. People get older, you need to stop being so pushy and compromise instead of demand. You can't force her to do all that traveling all the time because it's continent for you,” another Reddit user said.
One user wrote, “YTA. Hate to break it to ya but pretending to acknowledge your mother's mh issues while making it clear that you don't understand them whatsoever doesn't make you any 'better' than her and your willingness to cut her off for the reasons mentioned makes you look incredibly spoiled and cold. Perhaps you didn't mention the right/enough details for better context, but as of now I'm not understanding your harshness.”
A fellow Redditor shared, “YTA. Your mother has a mental health condition that she is trying to work with. If she was violent I would say not meet up. But in this case she is trying to do things the best she can.”
Someone else stated, “NTA for not wanting your children around her when she's unstable. But, YTA for downplaying and ignoring your mother's obvious health needs.”
“Putting aside the mental health issues for a minute, there comes a time when young people need to realize that they need to travel to see their parents, not the other way around. Putting all of the burden on the older people isn't right. And re: her mental health, sounds like you should take a trip and go see her alone, so you can see how she's doing and see if you can help her talk to her doctor about a new treatment plan. Her seeing your kids is not the only priority here. Her health is also important,” a comment read.
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