‘AITA for divorcing my depressed wife as her spending is dragging me down and she called me her abuser?’

A man has taken to Reddit to seek advice from other Reddit users as he’s now finding it too hard to live with his depressed wife, who not just spent a lot of his money but also called him her “abuser”.

The 35-year-old Original Poster (OP), under the username Empty-Government5688, wrote on Reddit’s 'Am I The A*****e' (AITA) forum, that he met his 36-year-old wife when he was “in an MBA program, and she was finishing up her certification process to become a Nurse Anesthesiologist.”

He continued, “I was drawn to drive and optimistic view of the world. We were both young adults (26 and 27) who saw the world as an endless source of opportunity. We discussed having kids when we were more established in our careers.”

OP says his marriage began on a happy note

Following the completion of their respective courses, the man got “a job consulting, making 200k a year with a signing bonus, and have continued to grow in my career; my wife was crushing it at her dream hospital, making 150k before overtime.”

He revealed that initially, they were very happy and satisfied with the life they had created. They also purchased their own house.

However, things changed for the worse “about 3 years ago.”

Man’s wife spent ‘2-3K every other week’ after taking a break from work

“My wife had a mental breakdown at home between shifts at the hospital. She was eventually hospitalized for a few weeks,” he posted.

The Redditor mentioned that after his wife got discharged from the hospital, they decided that she would not return to work immediately and would take a break for six months.

He shared, “Immediately, she started spending an average of 2-3k every other week. Traveling with friends and weekend trips. She stopped helping around the house and was constantly out of the house. I completely supported this for the first 6 months; she said it was part of her healing process, and I understand entirely.”

However, after six months when the man asked his wife if she wanted to return to work part-time, she “shut down, so I backed off. Then, a year passed and revisited again, another breakdown ensued.”

OP says he and his wife decided to start a family

The man also revealed that he put a proposal in front of his wife, asking if she’s ready to have children “and being a homemaker instead of working. We were in a great financial position and didn't need the money.”

“She agreed, and for the last year, we have been trying to have a baby; we have even done fertility testing and been given a ‘you are both healthy. Keep trying',” he wrote.

But to the man’s shock, he recently found out that his wife was on birth control pills without his knowledge. He claimed that he found the pills in his wife’s car while driving it.

OP’s wife accuses him of being her abuser

OP noted, “I was shocked and turned around on my way to work to confront her. She broke down and called me an abuser for trying to force kids on her. She has never told me she didn't want kids, and I would absolutely never push her. She then started blaming me for her breakdown, she said it's my fault she can't work.”

“I then brought up how I have handled 95 percent of the cooking and cleaning for the last 3 years because I was trying to support her and allow her to heal while she traveled and racked up a 10k credit bill every month for me to pay off,” the man stated.

After that confrontation, the man and his wife are not talking. He's even been “sleeping at our vacation house because she says it's ‘detrimental to her mental health to share a space with me, her abuser.’”

“I can't shake the feeling that I have been lied to and taken advantage of for years now. I want a divorce, but at the same time, if she is genuinely sick, I don't want to abandon her. Am I an Ahole for even considering leaving my sick wife? I can't shake the feeling that I'm selfish for even considering this,” he added in his post.

Reddit users ask man to divorce his wife

People in the comment section of the post seemed to understand OP's situation as one shared, “NTA. Thank her for taking birth control because now you won’t have to include kids in the divorce.”

Another wrote, “Nta. Don’t get her pregnant. Divorce and move on.”

Someone said, “NTA. I mean, when you get to the point she's calling you ‘her abuser’ you gotta go. At this point, it's about protecting yourself. She hasn't been honest with you at all. This relationship is broken beyond repair. Let her family know that you are filing for divorce and will now take a hands off approach with her. She is now their responsibility.”

“She may be sick, but she is still responsible for her own healing. It doesn’t seem she is doing anything to make herself better. You can’t make her heal. At some point you have to take care of yourself. Get out of this dead end marriage while you can. NTA,” a person commented.

Another one stated, “NTA. Your wife has had a 3-year all-expenses paid vacation. She will do what she can to continue having the easy life while you break yourself down making it so. This is a huge betrayal on her part, and the pattern is set. The only escape is divorce and move on.”

A comment read, “NTA. Divorce her. This isn’t just mental health issues. This is her abusing you and your kindness. Get out now before you owe her anymore alimony.”

Another comment was “NTA. If you can look yourself in the mirror and respect what you see- then it’s time. Only you know if you have approached this situation with integrity. Sometimes, staying just enables the person who needs help. Do what’s best for you at this point.”

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