'AITA for forcing a DNA test on my children because of my wife’s past infidelity?'

Marriage is built on trust—a foundation that can weather storms if both partners work to rebuild after cracks appear.

For one Reddit user, however, the lingering echoes of betrayal have cast a shadow over a decade-long union, raising the age-old question: can trust truly be restored after it’s broken?

The original poster (OP) took to the popular 'Am I The A*****e' (AITA) forum to explain how his wife's infidelity at the beginning of their relationship and certain recent developments left him with a "nagging" feeling and wanting a DNA test on their children, as per somecards.

Man seeks DNA tests for 'peace of mind' after wife’s past infidelity

“I have been married to my wife for 10 years. Early in our relationship, she cheated on me,” the man candidly shared in a now-deleted post.

He continued, “After a lot of therapy and rebuilding, I forgave her and we decided to move forward. We now have two children, a 7-year-old son and a 4-year-old daughter.”

But even time and effort couldn’t completely erase the scars left by infidelity. “Recently, I stumbled across messages from an old friend that dredged up feelings of doubt,” he explains. “These messages weren’t about new infidelity but reminded me of the betrayal from years ago. It planted a nagging thought: what if the kids aren’t mine?”

Haunted by this doubt, he felt compelled to act. “I brought up the idea of DNA tests to my wife, explaining it wasn’t about mistrusting her now but needing peace of mind,” he recalls. However, the suggestion triggered a deeply emotional reaction.

Husband's secret DNA tests confirm paternity but spark new rift in marriage

“She was furious, calling it a betrayal of the trust we’ve rebuilt. She refused the tests, saying it’s insulting to our family,” the man revealed.

Unable to silence the question in his mind, he chose to take matters into his own hands.

OP stated, “Still, I went ahead and tested our children without her knowledge. The results confirmed I’m the biological father, but when my wife found out, she was devastated.”

Instead of relief, the truth unleashed a new storm in their relationship. “She’s been distant and cold since, saying my actions proved I never truly forgave her,” he admits.

“I believe my request was valid given her history, but now our relationship feels like it’s crumbling all over again. My wife says I’ve hurt our marriage more than her affair did,” he added.

Reddit reacts to husband's AITA question

One Reddit user quoted OP and stated, "'Explaining it wasn’t about mistrusting her now but needing peace of mind'. No, its about mistrusting her. And given your history, its understandable that you would feel that way, but that's absolutely what it was.

Another added, "My wife says I’ve hurt our marriage more than her affair did. This is a really dumb comment from your wife. That said yeah, you never fully got back to trusting. Not necessarily unreasonable but does mean you need to reevaluate whether you are going to prioritize the marriage or decide you may never fully forgive it."

Someone else noted, "I mean you're clearly not over what she did so maybe you should consider if this marriage is what you want, but your wife saying it was worse than the affair is a f**king choice."

A viewer remarked, "I feel like if you couldn't move past your wife's infidelity, you should not have had kids with her. You should have broken up with her when the infidelity happened. Getting a paternity test done tells your wife that no matter how long it has been, or what else has happened, you still don't/can't trust her, and if you can't trust her anymore, you probably need to break up."

One comment declared, "Idk why you lied and told her it wasn't about trust, because it very much is. You do not trust her and honestly you guys never should have had kids, because now they are getting dragged into it. These poor babies are dealing with the consequences of their mothwrs actions that you "forgave". NTA for wanting one but honestly you both suck."

Another observed, "I get your mind set dude but your wife isn’t wrong. You never fully forgave her. What was the end game here if they weren’t yours? Just walk out on two kids that only know you as dad? Agree to stay but continuously hold it over your wife’s head? If you don’t feel like you can trust her then just leave. Stop pretending to be the moral anchor."

As one person explained, "ESH. You haven't forgiven her and you certainly haven't moved on from an affair it sounds like your wife had years before the kids were born. Why marry her at all if you couldn't let this go (which is reasonable enough)? Obviously she sucks for cheating and especially for her melodramatic comment about how the DNA tests were worse, lol. But you all need to give this marriage a mercy killing."

This article contains remarks made on the Internet by individual people and organizations. MEAWW cannot confirm them independently and does not support claims or opinions being made online.