‘AITA for leaving my husband after discovering he already has a child with another woman?’

When life throws curveballs, not everyone’s equipped to catch them.

That’s exactly what happened to one woman who turned to Reddit’s famed “Am I The A**hole” forum for clarity after her marriage faced a rather unexpected twist.

The original poster (OP) titled her post: “AITA for leaving my marriage after finding out my husband has a child?”

A marriage built on clear boundaries disrupted

The 28-year-old woman explained that she and her husband, 29, had been married for just over two years and had agreed from the start that stepparenting was off the table. “Neither one of us was interested in stepparenting or dating/marrying someone with kids,” she wrote.

But then her husband found out he had an 8-year-old daughter—a child he didn’t even know existed until a few months ago. For OP, this was a dealbreaker.

“When I found out he had a child already, and we had it confirmed, I knew this would no longer work for me,” she said.

Unsurprisingly, her husband didn’t take her decision lightly. He tried everything to convince her to stay. “He saw it coming too and he tried to convince me to stay, and he tried to make it seem like it should be okay even though he wouldn’t stay in a role reversal (and he admitted it),” the OP revealed.

The situation was even more complicated because of the child’s circumstances. The little girl had lost her mother two years prior, lived with her aunt for a while, and was then sent to live with her father—a man she had never met before.

“She’s grieving and angry and doesn’t want to be with him or to lose everyone she knew by being sent states away from the only home she knew,” the OP explained. “She has been through so much and is actively going through so much… And I’m not the person to give it to her," she added.

The OP made her decision quickly, moving out of their shared home and filing for divorce. However, her husband and his family weren’t ready to let her go. “There have been more attempts in the last month from him and his family to get me to call off the divorce,” she said.

His mother even tried to appeal to the OP’s strength: “They [the family] love me and would hate to lose me from the family. And that I’m stronger than I realize.”

But the woman stood her ground. While she admitted she still loved her husband, she was brutally honest about her feelings.

“I’m not happy he has a child with someone else. She’s dead, yes. There’s no competition or anything there. But I’m not happy that there is a child to begin with and I don’t believe I would ever feel she’s my own," she wrote.

The OP then asked, “I know this is selfish on my part and I am fine with that. But does this make me a horrible person or an AH in the case of what’s going on? That’s what I’m here to find out. AITA?”

Reddit weighs in as OP files for divorce after finding out husband has a child

The OP found ample support on Reddit.

"NTA. He has admitted he would leave you if the shoe was on the other foot. He can’t have one set of rules for him and another for you. This smacks deeply of ‘I can’t be bothered to raise her myself so I’d like you to stay so I can lumber you with the responsibility instead, that’s what women are for right!?’ You are right, he and his family need to stop focusing their efforts on you and start focusing on that poor little girl," one user wrote.

"NTA, as a stepmom thank you for making the decision to walk away. My stepson lost his mom also and I would’ve rather he not had a stepdad at all than the one he had. If I can make an observation here, it doesn’t sound like either of you are even ready to start talking about kids. Get out now and take the time to figure out what you really want out of life. I feel for the little girl in this situation," another offered.

"'He wouldn't stay in a role reversal (and he admitted it).' And this right here is the reason why I'd now see him as a total hypocrite and trust would be irreparably broken. NTA," read a comment. 

"NTA hes even admitted if the shoe was on the other foot he would be gone. Neither of you wanted to be a step parent right from the get go, he can't change the rules mid game. Continue with the divorce and move on," someone else agreed.

"NTA - You married into one situation and find yourself in something unexpected. For everyone involved, it is best to make a clean break. File, and go nc with everyone," another added.

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