‘AITA for not allowing my children to visit their grandparents for Christmas over religious beliefs?’

A Redditor, who goes by the online name Acrobatic_Donut4745, has received support on the Reddit forum r/AmItheA**hole after sharing her decision to prevent her children from visiting their paternal grandparents during Christmas break. Her reasoning?

A long-standing religious conflict stemming from her ex-husband's marriage to a woman whom she claims has caused emotional distress to their children.

The OP and her ex share three children, Amy 18, Tom 16, and Ben 15.

Woman struggles with ex-husband's wife's involvement in her children's lives

In her post, the woman details her ongoing struggle with her ex-husband’s wife, who allegedly staged a religious intervention when their son, Ben, decided to embrace Judaism and undergo a Bar Mitzvah.

The situation escalated, and the woman eventually sought legal advice, which resulted in her gaining full custody and decision-making rights regarding her children’s religious upbringing.

She elaborated, "I now have full decision-making for our children's religious upbringing and full custody. Ex has visitation every other weekend- I have been incredibly flexible and let him take them pretty much whenever he or the kids want. On his weekend I stay with my parents and he stays in the house.."

"ONLY rule I made was the stepmother is not around them at all," she added, while referring to her ex-husband's wife.

Despite this arrangement, the woman claimed her in-laws have consistently allowed the stepmother to interact with their children, even though she has made it clear that Ben is particularly affected by her presence.

"Ben still gets incredibly anxious with her (yes, he is in therapy)," the woman writes. "My in-laws refuse to tell her that she cannot come over because they say they do not want to "be put in the middle"," she said.

When she confronted her ex-husband about the situation, his response was dismissive. "Since she isn’t coming over for long, I’m not stopping it," he reportedly said.

He also claimed that there was nothing in the custody order barring his wife from interacting with the children, adding that "as his wife and mom of their sibling there's no reason that she should have to "tiptoe around"."

Woman threatens legal action over ex-husband's wife's presence

This response led the woman to threaten legal action, telling her ex that if his wife continued to show up, she would seek a court order for supervised visits and a restraining order against her.

Things came to a head when the grandparents invited the children to visit for five days over Christmas break. Although the dates did not coincide with Christmas Eve or Christmas Day, the woman remains adamant that her children should not be exposed to their stepmother.

While discussing the matter with her children, the woman learned that her ex-husband's wife had been coming around a lot and her in-laws had asked the children to not tell her when their stepmother visited, out of fear it would "upset" her.

"I told my daughter that as an adult she can go but that her brothers would not be," the OP shared.

She added, "Ben's look of relief broke my heart. Amy said and she felt weird when step showed up. Tom said hes w/ Ben."

The OP called up her ex-mother-in-law to tell her that the children would not be going to visit their grandparents until they took a firm stance on the issue.

The fallout was swift. The woman claims her ex-husband berated her for "punishing his parents" and accused her of unfairly targeting them. Additionally, the ex-husband's wife sent her a text message calling her "unfair".

The OP wrote, "I think I'm right, but everyone else thinks I'm TA. Am I?"

Reddit community rallies behind OP, applauds her for prioritizing children’s emotional wellbeing

Reddit community offered support to the OP, particularly for her decision to prioritize her children’s emotional wellbeing.

A user wrote, "NTA. You’re protecting your kids, especially Ben, who has clearly been deeply affected by the stepmother’s actions. If the grandparents and your ex can’t respect the boundaries that are in place to support your children’s emotional well-being, then you’re well within your rights to limit contact."

They added, "It’s not about punishing anyone—it’s about ensuring a safe, stable environment for your kids, particularly since they’ve been asked to keep secrets, which is completely inappropriate."

Another added, "NTA. It doesn't matter what anyone else thinks. Seems like you're the only parent with your children's best interests at heart. If I were you I'd stick to the letter if the court order. The reason the kids can't go is on the grandparents for not respecting you or your wishes. You can't trust them to not go against your wishes. The secret keeping is a big no no."

The third commentator remarked, "Stop beating yourself up. Your kids come first, last, and everything in between. You're doing the right thing, Mama Bear. NTA."

"NTA, you made a choice for your children. Embrace your choice and move on," wrote one.

A person said, "NTA. Your children are old enough to set their own boundaries. If they don't want to go to GPs and/or interact with stepmom, they shouldn't be forced to. This is a critical teaching moment about boundaries and respect. Protect your children as best as you can, including legally, if ex and stepmom insist on stomping all over the boundaries set. GPs are also boundary stompers and can't be trusted."

Another chimed in, "NTA. Not only are you following your children’s’ wishes, but they lied to you and asked your children to lie to you. If they want to call it punishing them, fine - they were the one who let stepmother over against your wishes. Their choice, they get to live with the consequences."

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