'AITA for not allowing my hoarder in-laws to stay at my house indefinitely?'

A man received online support after he shared his concerns about his in-laws, whom he described as "mentally ill hoarders." The Reddit user explained why he doesn't want them to live in his home.

The man, under the username AITA_Throwaway_66666, posted on Reddit’s 'Am I The A*****e' (AITA) subreddit section, “My In Laws are in their 60’s. Hoarders. Unhealthy people. Not elderly. Saying: ‘Well, this is what happens when you get to be our age’. No it doesn't. Eat healthy and take care of yourself.”

Elaborating further, he stated that his in-laws “don’t cook, clean, their house is falling apart from neglect, neglect their own hygiene, they reek of urine, and have two cats who urinate and defecate all over the house.”

Man says in-laws’ house is filled with ‘mold, cat defecation, and rot’

The man then went on to mention a specific incident that happened last year during winters when his father-in-law “(+350 lbs) fell and he and my MIL could not get him back up.”

His in-laws then have to call the fire department for help. However, after seeing the condition of the house, the fire department “called the health department and said they had 14 days or so to fix some of the issues around the house before they would be forced to leave.” Even their two cats were also taken away from them.

“There is mold, cat defecation, rot, and I would bet human excreta all around the house. They got the house taken care of just enough to meet code, and fell right back into it and now it’s worse,” the man revealed.

The Redditor also mentioned in the post that his father-in-law “recently beat cancer, but has some wounds/infections on his legs and they keep coming back.” He claimed that it’s happening because of their poor “hygiene and living environment”.

Man does not want to live with his in-laws 

In the same post, the man shared another incident that included his father-in-law falling again.

“FD Called. Health department. The Humane society took the two cats away, again. They have done nothing to improve the house. I heard my MIL say ‘it's only gotten worse’ over the phone when talking to my wife earlier tonight,” he noted.

The Reddit user also stated that his father-in-law’s “leg infections had maggots growing on them. He was delirious from the fall and is being admitted to the hospital for a few days.”

The man said that his wife now wants to bring her mother to their house but he’s against it. “I feel like in a 14 year husband and wife relationship in a house that we own together, my feelings and opinions should be valid, and we should come to an agreement,” he noted. 

The man also blamed his in-laws for not doing anything to improve their living conditions as he added, “I do not want to be a shelter for that kind of behavior. AITA for telling my wife ‘No, your MIL can’t stay here.’”

Netizens ask man to not backtrack from his decision

People in the comment section took the side of the man as one fellow Redditor commented, “NTA but I would have been more explicit. They can live here or I can live here. Because I would have to leave a partner who forced their hoarder parents, particularly ones this bad, on me.”

Another Redditor said, “Yeah, the house and the marriage will be destroyed if he allows this. Sad situation to be in. Don't back down NTA.”

“NTA These people need a higher level of care than you are able to provide (or should have to provide). I don't know where you live, but if it is the US, call you state DSHS office and speak to someone in Adult Protective Services. This couple sounds like they are gravely disabled. You do not live in a situation like that without having mental illness. They need to be in residential care, at least initially. Perhaps they would be able to return home with supportive services after some time. I am amazed that the fire department and hospital staff have not initiated something with social services,” a comment read.

Another comment was “NTA Is your wife also planning to do wound care, personal care, cook and clean for two extra people? Where does she plan on working when FIL is released from hospital? Where will he stay? Look, it’s very obvious these two can’t look after themselves. Call Adult protective services and look into care home options.”

A person shared, “NTA. Any visitors/guests must be mutually agreed upon in advance. My estranged parents aren’t allowed on our property and neither is Monster-in-Law. My husband and I have agreed on this for years. Your wife needs to put the marriage first.”

Another one added, “NTA. These are people you don't want in your house under any circumstances! Their difficulties are self-inflicted and only required an absolute minimum of care and work to prevent. They're not going through a minor setback. If they will do all this to a place they own, just imagine what they'll do to a place means nothing to them. You will either end up as slaves to them or you'll find your own place being condemned by the health department.”

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