‘AITA for not allowing my stepdaughter to call me dad?’
A man has taken to Reddit's 'Am I The A**hole' (AITA) forum to share his story and know if he is in the wrong after he refused to let his stepdaughter call her "dad."
Explaining his side of the story, the original poster (OP), under the username leodub_, began, “I married my wife (34F) 5 years ago. She has a daughter (now 11) from a previous relationship.”
OP says he raised his wife’s daughter from prior relationship as his own
The OP revealed that her stepdaughter’s biological father “has been mostly absent” from her life and he has “been the one raising her like my child" after his marriage with his wife.
The Reddit user then mentioned that recently his stepdaughter asked him if she could just call him dad. However, the man declined her request.
OP's decision makes his stepdaughter sad
The man further explained, “While I love her and think of her as my own, I told her no. I explained that I’m not her biological dad, and I don’t want to take that title away from her real dad, even if he isn’t very present.”
His decision has now upset the child. “My wife said I should reconsider, and now I feel like I’ve messed up. I thought I was being respectful, but now I’m second-guessing myself,” the OP noted, before asking, “AITAH?”
Redditors believe OP should respect stepdaughter’s love for him
People on Reddit did not agree with the OP's logic and called him an "a**hole" for making his stepdaughter feel rejected.
A fellow Reddit user commented, “Dude, most step dads dream of the situation you have. She wants YOU to be her dad, why force her to call the guy who abandoned her dad when you have been her dad for most of her life? Listen to what she wants cause all you've done is tell that 11 year old girl that neither of her dads want her. Edit: YTA.”
Another said, “Why would you ‘raise her as your own’ but then not allow her to call you Dad? That doesn’t make any sense. And you’ve made her feel rejected when she’s already been abandoned by her biological father. You need to talk to her and explain your intentions.”
“Yeah bro, she needs a father in her life. The other dude is a sperm donor. You're pretty much the AH on this one,” one person commented.
Another shared, “YTA You are the only father she has ever known. Why would she care that she isn't your biological daughter when you are the one that takes care of her every day? Injecting sperm into an egg does not make someone a father. Your response could have been correct if her biological father was part of her life and making efforts to stay in her life. Instead, she has now been rejected by the father she loved and thought she had.”
One individual wrote, “Yta for prioritising the feelings of an absent man over an actual present girl that you raise as your own child. Heart breaking to think about how brave that girl was to ask, and how crushed she must have been when you turned her down. If you were really raising her as your child you would have said yes. And dealt with bio-dad when he actually shows up.”
“YTA you majorly messed up and while I get it you need to fix it ASAP. You’re not taking any title away, she’s giving it to you because you earned it. You nor her are betraying her father even if he was an active present role in her life. People can have two dads. But it doesn’t sound like she has that, she has one dad who just told her not to call him that :/ tell her you were wrong! Apologize and tell her the thought of her replacing you would break your heart because she’s YOUR little girl and you weren’t thinking clearly. I call my stepdad dad and would be devastated if he told me not to,” another added.
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